Paragirl's Place

Looking for career advice

2011-11-11T08:09:00.002-05:00

So I mentioned a few weeks ago there was a chance I would be laid off. Well, thankfully I still have a job, but I have a problem as well, and I wanted to know if any of my fans/readers had any legal background, especially for employment matters....

I've had my job for quite a long time, and I like it, I enjoy it, and I believe I do a good job, I get all my tasks done, etc... - For the past several years, I have not gotten any kind of formal job feedback or review; no yearly performance review, nothing... I still got the typical raises everyone got, so I assumed that, since my boss wasn't giving me feedback, I must be doing OK.

Now I have a NEW boss, and he has said my performance is sub-standard and he has demoted me. He gave me a few reasons why he made this decision, but I don't agree with them, and even if I did, none of them are impossible to fix with a little guidance and mentoring (something I've never actually gotten here, sadly).

This is really stressing me out, and I feel like it could have a longer term impact on my career path if this demotion goes on my resume, etc... So what are the rules for this? I don't work for some mom and pop company, this is a large, publicly traded company, so I feel like this is violating my rights as a worker somehow, but I don't know enough about this stuff to really dig into it. Can anyone out there help? Is there some sort of rule about this I can look into?

And no, this has nothing to to with my wheelchair, I'm very certain about that.

Feeling better, still have a job...

2011-10-31T11:12:00.003-04:00

So I guess I was a little out of it last week. I really did start thinking more deeply about the objects of my fascination and desire and feeling pretty awful about it. It was kind of kicked of by a really hateful and ignorant email I got, more fallout from the 'portrait of a pretender' article that completely ignored every point in the article and made me - and all DPW's - sound like a cross between hitler and NAMBLA. It was the exact kind of email I would expect from Tea Party members if Michelle Bachman were in a wheelchair. And before you ask - even in a wheelchair she would still make me vomit....

So where does that leave me? Still feeling pretty crummy, still keeping a low profile. I've gone through a lot of my pictures- well, the ones I have left since Flickr deleted my old profile - and I'm more or less going with pretenders and disabled models who are willing participants in their sexualization now for my masturbatory explorations... Oh, and casts, too. There is a lot more cast fetish, like real hard-core sexual cast fetish, than I realized.

Maybe it's a sign of maturity, maybe it's just me letting all the haters get to me, but if I see a candid pick of a smoking hot girl in a chair, it's not really doing as much for me now. Pretenders and others like Candi still do, however... in a big way.

Thanks to all who sent me nice and kind things, and I'm glad my little meltdown at least made for lively discussion. This isn't a condemnation of anyone out there, it's a personal realization only. Hope I haven't upset or disappointed anyone.

I'm a horrible person....

2011-10-27T13:12:00.002-04:00

OK, I will preface this by saying I'm kinda drunk. Yeah, it's early afternoon, but I don't fucking care.

I was horny this morning and doing my usual YouTube scan for new para videos, I saw some nice stuff... A new channel with a decent pretender who is almost certainly a guy but I don't care, I want to be crippled, what do I care is he wants to be a chick... it's all good...

so I see this video a few have Favorited about a girl, former soccer player, SCI after a bad fall during a game. I was watching her transferring into her car, stuff like that, and feeling a bit turned on... then I started to really listen, and realized what a shitty ass horrible thing it is that she's paralyzed now. And I was kinda getting off on that. And then I realized how many videos and pics I've gotten off on that are of women who are genuinely hurt and have had their whole lives completely screwed, and I'm totally getting off on it, and I'm just feeling like a really horrible person today... And I'm kinda drunk... And I might be getting laid off...

Fuck it.

New Blog - So what's going on?

2011-10-18T14:22:00.003-04:00

So a lot has happened since my appearance in New Mobility, and not all of it has been great. My Flickr account was closed due to anonymous complaints, I was discussed at length on a number of blogs, including Roger Ebert's facebook page, and I have been contacted by two different TV shows to do features on me....

And Heather is losing her fucking mind.

I don't blame her, by the way - I'm freaked out too. This is a WAY bigger spotlight than either of us are comfortable with. I mean, yes, I use fake names on my website, I haven't published pics of me in many years, but all the details of my life - the crash, using a wheelchair at work because of back issues, etc... It's all real and might be obvious to anyone who knws me even casually in real life.
Before this happened I wouldn't expect anyone outside of pretender/fetishist circles to stumble across my blog, and if someone I knew put the pieces together, well, it would probably be because they're into the fetish and they probably wouldn't post a threat to my 'secret identity', because I'd have something on them, too. Now, though... my MOM likes Roger Ebert. Everyone I know watches TLC (one of the channels wanting to do a piece on me). I would lose my job if my company found out. I'd lose most of my friends and family if this came out. My weird little existence has been pushed way farther into the open that I expected, and we're kind of freaked out by that.

So that's the deal - I'm going to drop off the radar a bit, I need to talk to Heather about the book - because what if I put it up for sale and, again, it gets picked up by other 'normal' media and the spotlight flips on again? I'm OK, I'm safe, but we're both a little more freaked out by all this stuff than we expected...

Sorry all - stay kinky!

The Pretender Article lives on...

2011-09-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

So that article, 'Portrait of a Pretender', that Allen Rucker wrote about me a few weeks back? Since it was published on New Mobility, it's been picked up by several other places, including a mention by Roger Ebert.

Of course pretty much every place it was mentioned, there has been a lot of negativity coming from the disabled community, some of it rather prolific in it's promotion of exclusion and even hatred. I'm not at all shocked, of course - I've been doing this a long time - but I DO find it interesting that a community which talks so much about acceptance and understanding seems to be so completely devoid of the same.

I mean, it's not like I'm taking their parking spots or using up their medical benefits, I'm not doing anything at all that can possibly affect their daily lives, so why would they feel such vehemence against me? Is it the same argument heterosexuals use against gay marriage - that if a pretender uses a wheelchair it will somehow cheapen THEIR disability experience? It almost seems self-hating, like they're so disgusted by their own situation and their own disability that anyone who might actually find a positive in it, anyone who might even PREFER a wheelchair as a means of mobility for some reason, just HAS to be mentally ill or worse, because it's just so AWFUL. I find that an extremely dis-empowering point of view, personally...

Well, Allen saw the same thing, and he's posted a new article which I really like, called 'Looking to Be Insulted' - he makes some good points and has a really great point of view, it's certainly worth a read, if for not other reason than to see a well-respected disability advocate actually defending ME. Thanks for that, Allen!!

New Mobility article - full interview

2011-09-07T10:50:00.003-04:00

A few people have commented that there isn't much 'interview' with me in the article written for New Mobility... This is true, but the author, Alan, actually asked me quite a few questions and I'm quite happy with my answers, if I may be immodest for a moment. I feel they give a pretty good view into 'me', much better than the article itself, so I wanted to post it here, unedited, in it's entirety. Let me know how you like it :)

1. Please describe your background in very general terms. Middle class/working class, urban/rural, college, profession, etc.

Cathy: I'd say middle class, urban. I live in a modest sized apartment with my girlfriend in a not-too-awful part of town. I have a pretty run-of-the-mill customer service job, she's a midlevel professional. I went to a little college didn't have the money to finish - I wasn't very self-confident, either. If I could have gone in a wheelchair, I probably would have finished with honors. Heather has a degree but never actually worked in the field she got her degree in. I'm not sure which one of us came out ahead on the college question.

2. When did you first notice a fetish for wheelchairs? Was there one life-changing incident? How did the realization make you feel?

Cathy: It came in stages. I remember my earliest feelings were when I would watch the Jerry Lewis telethon with my grandmother. I still remember seeing a girl about my age (probably 8 or 9) wearing a pretty, frilly dress and full metal legbraces, using a walker, and it fascinated me! This girl mesmerized me and I just wanted to BE her, or be like her. From that point on I was fascinated with mobility impairments, primarily crutches and wheelchairs - seeing people using them gave me a thrill I didn't completely understand, but I knew I liked it and wanted to experience it.
I know I was 11 when it really 'hit home' and solidified. I was at my grandmother's house, my mom was working so grandma was my occasional babysitter. She had an old push wheelchair in the basement, it was older than I was, I think. I remember using it down in the basement, wheeling myself around when I could sneak it, usually when she was watching soaps. One day, I had taken an ACE bandage from under the sink and wrapped my ankle with it, then wheeled around. It made me feel VERY strange, but good. Without going into detail that might make this article NSFW, I'll just say that I ended up having my first orgasm sitting in a wheelchair in my grandmother's basement - that was pretty much the 'life changing incident' that put me on the path to who I am today.

3. Please describe your wheelchair life today. Do you go out in public? Can you comfortably and confidently stay in a chair for long periods? In a public situation, could you fool me?

Cathy: I had been using a wheelchair more or less daily, at home, since I moved out on my own when I was twenty, first in a beat up hospital chair I bought for $25 at a garage sale, and then later in an Invacare rigid chair I bought for $600 from a medical surplus sale (I saved up for 2 years for that!).
About three years ago, my girlfriend Heather and I were in a really bad car accident. It totaled the car - they needed special equipment to get her door off - but thanks to modern technology, neither of us were badly injured. I had a sprained wrist, she had a few cuts, that was it - we were very lucky. Out of that incident, since it really happened and we had pictures of Heather's severely damaged car, etc..., we decided to take my pretending up a notch. Since then, I have lived every day as a wheelchair user, at work, with friends and family, at home, etc... The 'official story' is not paralysis, it's a back injury that causes me loads of pain and discomfort if I stand or walk for any amount of time. My 'treatment' is a chiropractor, and since chiropractors aren't covered by my health insurance, there's no way for work to question or disprove it. My job was always been a sit-down position, answering phones and using a computer, so they didn't even have to specially modify anything, so nobody questions it.
This is one of the things that has been most surprising to me - nobody questions me about my wheelchair. It's like they don't even want to know - I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pull it off long term, that I'd slip up and say something or do something that would make people know I was a fake, but what I really found out was that able-bodied people just don't bother, they don't pay that much attention and even avoid the topic all together. Even my family, after the first comple months of the 'when are you getting out of that chair?' questions, just stopped paying attention and pushed my 'unfortunate situation' to the side.
When I'm wheeling I make sure I don't make any kind of scene, I don't use any handicapped parking spots, I don't apply for any special services, etc... - I don't want to accidentally take up a service that a genuine chair user might need. I also get REALLY mad when I see someone without an appropriate sticker parking in a handicapped slot.

4. The benefits of chair culture to you seem primarily sexual, from your blog description. Please explain -- are you attracted to or aroused by women who are attracted or aroused by you in your chair?

Cathy: This is a multi-layered answer, and I'll do my best not to ramble too badly.
The quick answer is yes, I am sexually aroused by being in a wheelchair, and I am attracted to women with mobility impairments; primarily wheelchair users, but also leg braces, crutches, even casts sometimes.
As for me being in my wheelchair, it's far deeper than sexual - I only feel 'complete' or 'right' when I'm in my wheelchair. It's completely psychological; when I am in my wheelchair I am more self-confident, more outgoing, more able to focus, and I feel much more attractive. I'm much more open to meeting new people, I'm much more fun in public settings like parties or clubs, and I'm simply happier. Conversely, if I'm not in my chair I'm much less self confident and I'm very shy - before meeting Heather I would almost never go out, because without my chair I just felt somehow 'naked', like I left the house without makeup or like I was still wearing my pajamas.
Being in my chair is also very sexual for me - again, I feel more confident and sexy, and that, in turn, makes me more sexually confident and aroused. Getting out of bed in the morning by transferring to my wheelchair is an immediate emotional wake-up and, most days, an immediate arousal for me. Being 'helped' in my chair is the same, sometimes stronger - Heather helping me put on a pair of stockings when I'm sitting in my chair is some of the strongest erotic foreplay for me, as one example.
As far as Heather's take on it, she likes my chair and she understands and appreciates what it does for me, but she's not 'into' wheelchairs or paraplegics per-se, she's just 'into' me and the chair is part of that, it has been since our first date. For her it's more like a fantasy role-play. Not sure if this is too much information, but Heather is also a foot fetishist, that's her primary 'kink'. She approached me at a club because I was in my wheelchair and not wearing shoes, just stockings - she liked my feet :) We had a nice evening together, the next day I admitted that I was a wheelchair pretender and, instead of calling me a freak (that has happened seven different times with seven different lovers, and true or not it always hurts.) she admitted she was a foot worshiper, and we've been together ever since. Even though she's not 'into' the wheelchair pretending, she does treat me as a wheelchair user in our day to day lives, and that really helps me a lot.

5. Are there other perks to being a chair user? For instance, do you like the attention you get in public?

Cathy: Better parking? KIDDING!
Honestly I LOVE the attention I get in public. The working title of the book I'm putting out later this year is actually 'It's OK to stare'.
I never make a scene or try to 'stick out', but I love the little second glances I get, I love people holding a door open for me, things like that.
One 'perk' - well, I guess it's a perk, anyway - is something I've been doing since I got my Invacare rigid chair (because it looks more 'legitimate' than the old hospital chair) is shoe shopping. I would go to a nice shoe store and ask to try on a few pairs of shoes and ask for the sales woman to help put them on for me (especially if she was cute). It's always extremely exciting for me, both emotionally and erotically. I'd almost always buy a pair too - I felt weird not buying anything.

6. Do you consider your chair fetish to be what is known as a factitious disorder -- compulsively feigning illness or impairment -- or just a lifestyle choice? Is it in any way harmful, to you or others?

Cathy: For me I definitely consider it a lifestyle 'choice' in the same way that being a Lesbian is a 'choice' - there's not really a choice in the matter, if I don't use a wheelchair I deny part of who I am. I've read up a lot on BIID, I think parts of that describe me pretty well, but it's not a perfect fit.
The 'feigning illness' after the car accident is simply a vehicle to allow me to live this way full time, which is something I've fantasized about since I was a teenager. It's very, VERY rare for a pretender to be able to live in their preferred mode of 'disability' full time, I think I've only ever spoken to one other since I've been active in the community who has pulled this off, and even for them it involved moving to another state.
Is it harmful? Well, some would say psychologically harmful, and I probably believe that. I do have days, every so often, where just sitting in my wheelchair isn't enough. I have times when the fact that I can get up and stand and walk around just really frustrates me, and I want more. I have thought of hurting myself, gaining some real, permanent injury, usually paralysis. I've had myself worked up to the point where I was ready to fall out a second story window, back-first (Wearing a bike helmet), to try and break my spine. I've researched things like paralytic drugs that could be used to deaden legs permanently. I've come pretty close to taking actions that may have proven highly dangerous to me.
I've never told anyone this, but when I walked away from that that severe car accident unharmed, I cried deeply for two full days, I was inconsolable. I decided that walking away from a crash that (in my mind) SHOULD have paralyzed me was completely unfair and I wanted to break my back for real. I think that was the closest I have ever come to doing myself real, serious harm, and it was only Heather's idea of a compromise - using the accident to fake an injury - that brought me out of that place. I don't know what might have happened if she hadn't.

7. There are no stats that I can find about wheelchair pretenders or wannabes or fetishists. How many are out there, would you guess? Hundreds? Thousands?

Cathy: I'd love to know! For myself, based on my blog statistics http://paracathy.blogspot.com/ gets an average of 12K - 15K unique pageviews per month, and it gets statistically higher if I'm more active (posting at least one to two stories or blog posts a week), so there's a decent population of people out there who at least have an interest. I also belonged to a web group for pretenders that had a few hundred people in it, but it wasn't all that active and unfortunately mostly full of spam.
It's such a taboo, as many things related to disability and sexuality are, that even on the world of the internet not many people come out and say they are pretenders or wannabes or even devotees. As someone who has friends and experiences in many sub-cultures, including GLBT, foot fetish, and BDSM groups, the pretender/wannabe subculture is the most secretive 'group' I know.

8. How do they/you know about each other besides the internet?

Cathy: Internet is it for me, because of some really negative issues that happened in the past with a 'meetup'.
I think the web is the primary means of connecting for the vast majority of people, though I do know one person who has said that the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco was a good place for meeting others. Germany seems to be a hotbed of activity as well. The folsom Street thing seems more a leather and bondage fetish scene there, but I do know there is a bit of crossover between leg brace pretenders and bondage enthusiasts. I know I'd love to check it out some day, and Heather has always wanted to visit San Fran - it's a Lesbian thing...

9. Having socialized with other pretenders or wannabes, how would you describe them in general? Is there a certain personality type -- rebel, say, or loner, or depressive, etc? Maybe you can't generalize at all. If not, just give me a quick thumbnail sketch of another pretender you know well.

Cathy: There's no way I can generalize, as the pretenders and wannabe's I've known over the years have all been very unique individuals. I know one who is a very happy family man, I know a couple pretenders who are alone and looking for a partner, I know a wannabe who is a little 'out there' and can be disturbing to chat with, and I've chatted with a single middle aged woman who likes to use a wheelchair to get attention for herself. I guess it's easier than filling your house with cats.
I will say there does seem to be an undercurrent of psychological issues I've seen among pretenders - myself included - but I don't believe that being a pretender or a wheelchair fetishist in itself is a 'psychological issue', but rather coming to the realization that we are so far outside the societal idea of 'normal' tends to be very isolating and frustrating for us.
Imagine being told, from the time you begin having a sexual identity of your own, that what you identify with is 'wrong', is 'sick', is 'disgusting' - but it's just a woman in a wheelchair, or on crutches? Take that woman out of the wheelchair and sit her on a couch, and suddenly that's a normal attraction, but put her in the wheelchair and you're a degenerate or a pervert. What would that do to you psychologically? I had the double-whammy of identifying as a Lesbian AND something that, at the time, didn't even have a NAME - at least not one that people knew. It really affected me and my social development, to have an attraction/desire/fetish that (as far as I knew) nobody else on the planet shared. It still affects me to this day.
I do know a number of male pretenders who are also either cross dressers or transvestites, so there is a lot of transformation going on there, and some of them look really good. They have said similar things to me, that they don't feel like 'themselves' unless they are in drag and either on crutches or in braces or a wheelchair.

10. This is a key question to me. Having no doubt observed a lot of wheelchair users like me, what insights can you pass along about us? I find most users to be timid, shy, quick to feel offended, and all too often self-centered, but then again, maybe that's my own bias.

Cathy: For me it's ironic because I'm timid and shy until I get IN my wheelchair, then I'm very open and friendly and outspoken.
Generally for wheelchair users I say 'Embrace it'. It's you, it's who you are, and if more wheelchair users embraced it and became more outspoken 'roll models' I think it would be a very positive thing. Be more outgoing and try to get into the media more! There are no good positive wheelchair users in the media, and for most roles that require a disabled/differently abled person, they choose an able-bodied actress - that's just stupid and insulting. Also, wheelchair ladies - you need to go barefoot FAR more often. (Just kidding, that's the fetish talking...)
Openly embrace sexuality too - the GLBT community did this and de-mystified homosexuality (which was considered a deviant paraphilia until the 1970s!!!). As I said before - put someone like A.J. Bray (I'm a HUGE fan) on a luxurious couch in sensual clothing and a seductive pose and that's hot, that's erotica. If you put her in her wheelchair, dressed the same way and in the same seductive pose, however, somehow it becomes perverse? It's deviant? That's stupid.
I don't know that I've ever offended a wheelchair user in person (though I'm certain I've offended MOST of them with my website over the years), but in general nobody should be easily offended or have a hair trigger - it's just not healthy. To paraphrase one of my favorite T-shirts - 'some people are dicks, get over it'
Also, if you're in a wheelchair stop obsessing about walking again. I know, that's a stupid thing for the wheelchair pretender to say, and I'm not talking about a real cure, like stem cells, I'm talking about all the braces and bizarre exoskeletons they're coming out with. These things are slow, they're hard to use, they're clumsy, and they're just there to make 'normal' people feel better - I've yet to see one that seems to be a genuine improvement on quality of life.

11. Did you see the movie, "Quid Pro Quo," about a pretender played by the actress Vera Farmiga? What did you think of it?

Cathy: I've seen it a number of times now. It's a good movie, I like it, I think Vera is REALLY hot in her wheelchair, but the big reveal scene with the braces fell very flat - she wasn't wearing them right or using them right, and if she were as hard core a pretender as she indicated, she would have known better.
The creepy little 'pretenders meeting' in the darkened/abandoned building was odd, but I could see myself taking part in something like that if it were real - especially pre-Heather. I would have preferred it to dig a little deeper into the subculture, but overall it was a pretty cool movie.

That's it for now. Please feel free to add anything you wish. It's your life. I'm just trying to accurately describe it.

Cathy: My whole idea of being a wheelchair user, being a paraplegic, is very romanticized and, in most cases, isn't based in reality. It's a fantasy, an idealized, almost fairy-tale concept of what my life would be like as a paraplegic in a wheelchair, and I know that. I know that 'not being able to walk' is probably the smallest issue most paraplegics need to deal with. I know that if I ever became genuinely paralyzed, I would probably hate it after a week, then I'd eventually get over it and get on with my life, just like anyone who becomes paralyzed. However, that's the logical part of my brain, and when it comes to wheelchairs that's just not the part of my brain that's in charge.
As an example - I have wheeled to a store that I REALLY wanted to go to, and then not gone in because there was a flight of steps down to get into the store (It was this little basement-level boutique). I could have just stood up and walked in, but in my mind that wasn't really possible, because I was in a wheelchair, so I left and I've never returned. I think they're closed now.
Pretenders don't hurt anyone, as long as they're not trying to scam government benefits or taking services away from people who actually need them. We have a fetish, an 'interest', even a 'disorder' - call it what you will, but we're just living our lives in the only way we really can, for the most part. For me, I could bury this deep in my subconscious and live a miserable life on two legs, or I can embrace my soul and live life happy and content, and in a wheelchair. That doesn't make a real wheelchair user any less 'legitimate', it doesn't diminish you in any way, it's just me sitting in a wheelchair, living my life.

ParaCathy featured in New Mobility!

2011-09-02T10:30:00.002-04:00

So here's more big new for me! I was interviewed for an article in New Mobility on pretenders, which was just published yesterday! The author, Allen Rucker, interviewed me over the summer and I think the article came out quite good - I'm happy with it in any case! Check it out, and I hope you enjoy this small look into my mind and my world :) and please - if you're going to leave comments under the article, make sure they are non-confrontational and don't reflect badly on the P/D/W subculture. Thanks!!

Check out the article here!

Wheelchair Sex in Penthouse!!!

2011-08-31T09:09:00.002-04:00

So the September 2011 issue of Penthouse features a great article on sex with women in wheelchairs, and it features my crush AJ Bray! It's a well done article with a few sexy 'teaser' pictures, and they talk to a few hot chair girls (Including AJ), discussing sexuality for disabled women, specifically wheelchair-bound women, and how chair chicks are every bit as hot and horny as 'normal' girls (Have to disagree here - they are about a hundred times HOTTER, but that's just me ;) )

The article is good and there are some very hot photo spreads (non-wheelchair, sadly, but hey, I like naked pussy as much as the next lesbian...) so it's TOTALLY worth picking up! You should check it out!

Blog - These are a few of my favorite things...

2011-08-18T11:05:00.003-04:00

I came across a YouTube video recently, featuring a pretty well known wheelchair model named Simone. It was a simple video - her getting out of bed, putting lotion on her legs, and getting dressed - no nudity, very tastefully done. It was at the same time both completely innocent, and incredibly erotic - at least to me and I'm sure others 'like me' as it were. I've watched it over a dozen times now, just admiring it, admiring the way she moves and handles herself and her soft, obviously useless legs.

Obviously the video was done as a promotion for devotee erotica, and there's nothing wrong with that - I hope she makes a great living doing that, I sure wish I could. But I think it underlines a big difference between erotica made for wheelchair fetishists/devotees and 'normal' porn. People say we're perverts, we're deviants, but I'm not getting off on seeing someone fucked in the ass or getting cum shot all over her face, which is prevalent in even normal 'vanilla' porn. I'm watching a beautiful woman move, watching her express herself. I'm not getting off on 'overcoming adversity' like some MDA poster child, I'm watching someone who moves and lives a bit different from the 'norm', but it's clearly normal for her and she's embracing it, she's living her life and, to me, that's both fascinating and sexy.

I love the video and I just thought I'd share...

Weekend Quad Play

2011-08-08T11:35:00.003-04:00

I don't play quadriplegic very often, because it's actually kind of boring for Heather and it's hard to pretend without a power chair. We did do the extreme quad amputee scene I posted about previously, but that was more of an 'experiment' than a genuine erotic roleplay. I'm more of a para fetishist anyway, so it's not something I'm really into THAT much - but I fantasize about it sometimes. You know me :)

This weekend we were hanging in the house and I mentioned quad fantasy - not as something I was asking to do, just a mention more than anything - and Heather and I started to talk about it a bit. Heather finally said 'Go lay on the bed and wait for me - I have an idea.' - well, I looked at her with a curious and somewhat curious, somewhat nervous look, and she laughed and said it wasn't THAT kind of idea... so I wheeled into the room and did what she asked, just lay on the bed, fully clothed.

Heather came in naked and said I was a quad - it was a roleplay and I couldn't move anything from my neck down, poor thing... yeah, it turned me on. A LOT. So Heather started to slowly undress me, all whiel I was trying to keep from moving anything. I wasn't even sure what to say, so I mostly stayed quiet as she undressed me sensually. She slipped my t-shirt and bra off, moving my arms and body for me, then unbuttoned my skirt and slipped that off, rolling me gently - I was in heaven! She started playing with my feet then, and told me she wished I could feel all the love and attention she was giving them... she played with my feet for a while, maybe twenty minutes? All the while I lay there and just felt so good. Finally she slipped up and pulled my diaper off- she had ignored it until then - and she worked my unmoving legs to pull one of my strap-ons up my thighs and fastened it tightly to me. She gave me head, sucking on the pink rubber cock, and then lubed it up and straddled me, telling me how good it felt, how she wished I could reach up and grab her, but she knew I couldn't... I was so hot and turned on I was buzzing by this point, so totally wet, and the way she was fucking me and the way the harness of the strap-on was rubbing against me, I'm pretty sure before she did, and she came really hard a few times. It was so amazingly hot, a really nice scene that she said she'd be totally into doing it again...

Shoes, Wheelchairs, and Fetishes

2011-08-07T07:27:00.007-04:00

So Heather and I have been having an interesting philosophical discussion over the last few days, mostly stemming from the AMAZING new shoes she bought me. Is it sexier to see a woman in a wheelchair barefoot (or wearing stockings and no shoes) or wearing some kind of sexy shoes. Obviously this is personal preference, but we broke it down into three basic 'camps'

Barefoot

Personally, I love either barefoot or stockings/knee socks in a wheelchair. I feel like not wearing shoes somehow enhances the sense of disability. I also love how, on some real paras, the feet are somewhat curled, or flaccid - they just 'look' more disabled, and thats' a huge turn-on for me, personally. Heather likes the 'no shoes' look because it shows off the feet, and she certainly doesn't mind me wheeling around the house barefoot, but it's actually not her preference - which kind of surprised me.

'Normal' shoes

Neither of us are a fan of this. By 'normal' shoes we mean sneakers, flats, loafers, pedal pushers, more 'conservative' shoes. The only exception is Mary Janes, which I like to wear with schoolgirl outfits. (OK boys, picture that in your head for a minute. You're welcome.) Normal conservative shoes just seem 'blah' - both in and out of the wheelchair. Needless to say, we don't own many pairs of these.

'Extreme' shoes and fashion shoes

Here is Heather's preference, but she's a foot fetishist more than a wheelchair fetishist, so this is her preference across the board. By 'extreme' shoes I mean shoes that are so 'outside the norm' that I probably couldn't walk in them if I tried - like ballet heels. Fashion shoes are shoes like Manolo Blahnik and other high end styles that I couldn't afford if I sold a kidney. We've got plenty of knockoffs, though - Heather loves red and pink stiletto heels, peep toes and strappy sandals as well as classic black patent stilettos. I love shoes that tie on somehow, like a strap or silk tie, like the ones HEather just bought me. I like those because I feel like they're tied on so they won't slip off my paralyzed feet :)

So what does everyone else prefer? You prefer barefoot? Sexy shoes? Something else entirely? Let me know - I'd love to hear from you!

Finally - there is a sex podcast that I love to listen to, 'Having Sex, with Katie Morgan', that has been on for a few weeks now. Well I was listening Episode 10, from Wednesday, August 3rd, that was all about fetishes. It was a good episode, interesting and funny and sexy, but then the last question was about disability fetish! This guy is into wheelchairs and crutches and amputee pretending and they have a pretty good discussion about medical fetish in general - I was blown away and really impressed - and really turned on! You can download and listen for free - give it a try!

Ok, everybody should vote for AJ!!!

2011-08-03T10:44:00.002-04:00

So one of the hottest and most wonderful wheel gals in the universe, AJ Bray, has entered a contest to be Playboy's Miss social - you can vote for her on Facebook, and you definitely SHOULD - she's amazing, in so many ways, and she is HOT! And she is Pansexual and she loves SHOES!! Please click on the link below to vote, and check out the video below to see why (and see just how awesome she is :) )

http://apps.facebook.com/playboymisssocial/media/21578 - Please vote for AJ!

Heather really likes 'The Wannabe'...

2011-08-02T16:25:00.006-04:00

So it's been a few days since the amazing fetish video 'Jessie The Wannabe' has hit the virtual shelves and Heather and I watched it end to end this weekend. The short 'review' - I got SO LAID after we watched that. I mean long, hard, intense lesbian fucking that lasted half the night.

I'm not going to do a typical review for the movie, since I wrote it and I don't think that's a fair review, but I can talk about Heather and I watching it. First - Heather didn't even think I could pull it off. She didn't think for a minute that a fetish video production company would pick up a script from me and make it into a movie, so she didn't even read the script beforehand. It's not that she isn't supportive - she is, in her own way - but she still thinks my website is only visited by like twelve perverts - she doesn't actually think I have an audience. That's OK, though - we know the truth, don't we :)

So Heather was already impressed with the fact that I got this done, and she didn't even complain that it was in polish, she was OK with the subtitles (which I wrote, for the most part).

She liked the setup, and she was shocked at the injection scene - she was actually impressed at how they pulled it off. She LOVED the scene after the injection, where the nurse was seeing how much feeling Jackie had left, asking her to move her toes and seeing if she had any feeling in her feet. Heather does love her some feet :). She rolled her eyes at the diaper scene, but she knows my kink and was fine with it.

Once it got to the blindness scene, she kind of freaked - she had no idea it was coming, and she's so interested in blindness, she knew it was in there for her :) - she had her hand down my pants at that point, and she was really hot once the girls got the cafe and was so turned on as she watched poor Jackie feeling her way around to eat her lunch - we were mostly naked before the video ended, and I replayed the video two or three more times as we rolled around on the couch and the floor. She ate me out SO good as Jessie got the injection and became paralyzed, and I was eating her out as Jessie got the blind contacts in and started blindsimming.

I'm still really really happy about this video, and thanks so much to BracedGirls.com for working on it with me!

ParaCathy and BracedGirls.com present - 'The Wannabe'!

2011-07-30T08:00:00.003-04:00

It's finally here - 'The Wannabe', a wheelchair fetish movie written by me, ParaCathy, and produced by BracedGirls.com! The movie is currently for sale on the BracedGirls website.

In this amazing, one of a kind fetish movie, Jackie is a lifelong wheelchair wannabe who has always dreamt of having numb, paralyzed legs, and having to rely on a wheelchair to get around. She makes friends with a nurse who says she can help, and they finally meet at Jackie's apartment with everything they need to make Jackie's dreams come true - but there's a catch; the nurse has her own special interests...

Once prepared, the nurse injects Jackie with a solution that instantly paralyzes her from the waist down. When it's clear that the paralysis is complete, the nurse helps Jackie into a padded diaper and helps Jackie gets into her wheelchair, where she starts to experience her dream fully for the first time!

After Jackie wheels herself around for a while, the nurse reveals her ultimate surprise, and In the final 'ParaCathy' twist , Jackie is wheeled out of her apartment, completely paralyzed but also in full leg braces and now completely blind, courtesy of her nurse. The pair head out in public and go to dinner and a shopping area, with the nurse pushing her blind and crippled patient.

This is truly a ParaCathy story come to life and I'm really happy with the result - I do think this is a must see for anyone who enjoys wheelchair fetish, wanabe stories, or my unique brand of fetish fiction! Don't miss it!

I really think the video came out great, based on my script. Obviously there are a few differences based on translation from English to Polish and back to English, but I even worked with the producer on the subtitles, so the story really comes through and I'm definitely happy with the end result, especially for a first try!

Obviously if this video sells well, it will send a message that people are interested in scripted fetish videos and maybe producers will start making more, either from my scripts or stories (that would be great!) or other stories from the community.

Finally - let me know how you like the movie, if you have any questions, and DEFINITELY comment on this post or even email the producer to let them know that you support this kind of thing! Devotees and Wannabes actually being involved in the creation of these fetish videos can only be a good thing for the community, right?

Big News!! New video coming soon - 'The Wannabe', written by ME!!

2011-07-20T20:48:00.005-04:00

So as many of my readers know, a few weeks ago I offered my script writing talents to fetish video producers, because I was getting tired of seeing poorly scripted videos that feature silly situations and - my biggest pet peeve - the girls who are 'paralyzed' end of walking at the end.

I'm VERY happy to say that after that article was posted, I DID have a video producer contact me and we worked together on a completely original 'ParaCathy' script called 'The Wannabe'. Not only did we work out a script, the video has now been shot, and is in final editing!! So what is it?

'The Wannabe' is about Jessie, a sexy lifelong para/wheelchair wannabe, who finally meets an equally sexy nurse who shares her interests. The nurse arranges to make Jessie's para dreams come true, but as in many ParaCathy stories, there is an unexpected twist!! Jessie's wheelchair dreams come true, but she also gets a bit more than she bargained for...

The video will be available very soon, ready by next week on http://bracedgirls.com/ and The Medic Brace CLips 4 Sale site. I don't know about pricing yet, but the producer has assured me it wouldn't be overpriced. I'll let you know when it's fully available and all the final details as soon as they're out! I'm SO EXCITED!!!

Too funny not to share - I broke a sex-bot...

2011-07-20T14:14:00.005-04:00

I was on Yahoo and someone named Catherine started to chat with me. Well it was obvious from the second reply that this was a spam/sex bot, so I decided to have a little fun. I think I broke it...

catherinegarfinkle935: hey you, whats up ;)
paracathy: hi there - I'm not sure we've chatted
catherinegarfinkle935: whats up, I found your username on a member directory of social sites.. not sure which one cause it bundles them all together lol
paracathy: spam bot huh?
catherinegarfinkle935: i am bored at home...and this usually leads to bad things ;)
paracathy: and not even a good one... I'm disappointed
paracathy: wow - who writes your dialog?
paracathy: I could write better than that
catherinegarfinkle935: well...i have a fetish for being on camera ;)
paracathy: Of course you do...
paracathy: you don't even know the meaning of the word 'fetish'
catherinegarfinkle935: have you ever used Random Chat? its a free site that lets us chat live kinda like a skype
paracathy: you're barely an amateur compared to me
catherinegarfinkle935: my link is http://xxx.xxx.xxx
paracathy: And I'll bet it steals your credit card and gives you viruses too
catherinegarfinkle935: go there and my video will load, just click the "Verify" button on the bottom left...
paracathy: Why does it say Jenny if your name is Catherine?
catherinegarfinkle935: im always either on the phone or online, im an addict lol...i dont normally give my number out but if you meet me in the chat and I get comfortable with you we can talk on the phone
paracathy: Sure we can...
catherinegarfinkle935: my number is 206-222-1648...my phone is dead, so give it a few minutes to charge, and please dont go give that out! hehe...come talk to me over RandomChat
paracathy: Wow, that sounds like a great idea
catherinegarfinkle935: i love the site cause its streams fast in real-time sorta like a skype, fill out your info, its free :) k?
paracathy: Sure it's free
paracathy: is it OK that I'm only 12 years old?
catherinegarfinkle935: i use this site to play on cause i don't want to be recorded!...this site doesn't allow people to record my cam! just click the "Verify" button on the bottom left of the page and we'll be able to have a live chat
paracathy: wow, you'll have live sex chat with a 12 year old? Really?
catherinegarfinkle935: u get in for free thru my cam session invite since I'm a premium member, but u need to verify babe just click the Verify button it takes one sex..sorry "sec" lol ;)
paracathy: wow whoever wrote this dialog should be fired and then shunned by all humanity
catherinegarfinkle935: let me know if you need any help logging in..i'm gonna slip into something nice for you..k? ;)
paracathy: why don't you wear a duck costume and sing the national anthem - that's my fetish, k?
catherinegarfinkle935: im the girl in the main video that loads
paracathy: Sure you are - what color is your hair?
catherinegarfinkle935: k
paracathy: You hair color is 'K'?
catherinegarfinkle935: are u in babe??
paracathy: I'm not sure what that is? Is that a Nice n Easy color?
catherinegarfinkle935: k
paracathy: Ha, that's what she said!
paracathy: So what about the duck costume?
paracathy: If you have that, it's a done deal... you can have my credit card now...
paracathy: Oops. I think I broke it...

The Player - By Ruth Madison

2011-07-12T09:22:00.005-04:00

I've met this wonderful and talented devotee-related writer, Ruth Madison, and she's written a short story that, though not really like my typical posts here, is a really good story, very well written, and I'm sure some of my fans will enjoy it greatly! she has a couple novels published too, so make sure you check her out!
- Cathy

Hi! I'm Ruth Madison and ParaCathy has kindly agreed to let me share one of my short stories with you! I'm on the flip side of devness and so I write stories about physically disabled men. I know that's not the target audience here, but I thought maybe you all would enjoy something a little different. If you like it, I hope you'll visit my website www.ruthmadison.com/current-fiction for more information on my writing. Thanks! I hope you enjoy...

The Player

by Ruth Madison

I have a terrible weakness for redneck country boys in wheelchairs. They look so tough and in control, like they can handle anything. They are totally cool with their hunting and off-roading. I am not their type. I look it at first, but that's only because I worked hard to hide my geeky past. In my heart, I still am, and it always comes out. So in theory I'm looking for a nice, quiet, geeky guy in a wheelchair, but in practice if the bad boys find me, I can't seem to refuse them anything.

That's how it was with Max.

I found him on a dating site for disabled people. I'd had an account there for a few months, gone on a couple of forgettable dates. No one in the entire state of California seemed remotely appealing. So, just for curiosity, I widened my search and saw a picture of the hottest man I had ever seen in my life. In Michigan.

I didn't think I had a chance with him, but I tend to forget what I look like. I still remember myself as slightly pudgy with glasses and a unibrow. In college I discovered tweezers and my body subtly reshaped itself into a stunning hourglass. I could get just about any man I met just by wearing a tight t-shirt. I had silky black hair that reached to the bottom of my butt and warm Hispanic skin. None of that changed the fact that I played computer games every night and steamed through 500 page fantasy novels on the weekends. But Max didn't know that, he only saw the exotically beautiful woman in the profile picture.

When he called I was pleasantly surprised by his voice. His accent was a gentle mid-western drawl. He told me about his nieces and nephews, how he hoped to get married and have a family some day. He told me about his hobby refurnishing old wood furniture and his job at a local bank. For a girl caught in the superficial world of Los Angeles, it sounded hopelessly Norman Rockwell.

Every picture he sent was sexier than the last. Him holding up a huge fish he had just caught, him with a lopsided grin leaning forward over his paralyzed legs on the porch of a house, him at some kind of race car event, holding a beer, with barely-dressed girls on either side. I could almost cum from just looking at them.

For some reason, after that first phone call he didn't ever want to talk on the phone again. It was always instant messaging and webcam with him. He sent me texts at all hours telling me to get online and I found it impossible to say no to him. He would turn on the webcam from his laptop while he got ready for work in the morning and even brought it into the bathroom where I could watch him shower.

You know, you could call, I would type.

Nah, this is better. Why don't you show me a little something?

I have no defense, no explanation for why I did what he told me. When he asked me to, I took off my shirt and my bra, rubbed my large breasts together on the webcam. I didn't think about how this behavior was at odds with his original phone call describing his desire for a wife and a family.

5:00 a.m. and I had a text from him. I'm in the shower, get up. I wanted to ignore him, but he was too beautiful.

When are you coming to see me? he typed.

Oh, I don't know about that...

You know you want to :)

Damn, he was right. Why did he have so much power over me? I felt like I would do almost anything to touch him in real life, to fuck that amazing body. Besides, this couldn't be a real relationship until we met, it would have to happen at some point. I was still thinking he was husband

material, don't ask me why.

I picked a weekend and bought a plane ticket. It was the first time I had ever bought something big like that without telling my parents. I also wouldn't tell them I was going anywhere at all. I planned to tell only my coworkers where I was, so that someone would know where to look in case I vanished.

Max friended me on Facebook and I poured over his profile looking for more clues about his life and trying to imagine myself as part of it. There were so many photos. Some from his sister's wedding (him in a suit, yummy), at the reception with his three year old niece on his lap (oh my God, swoon), hanging out on a beach with his body stretched out on a towel and his empty wheelchair behind him. He looked very young in that picture, all lean and lanky. There was a girl too. She looked plain, but pretty and had a kind face. She was in several of the pictures, but she wasn't his sister. I had a terrible curiosity and I wanted to figure out how the pieces of his life went together, so I asked him about her, but he wouldn't say who she was.

The next week I was hanging out with friends and telling them about my plans to go and meet a handsome new man. I had never met anyone off the Internet before and they were concerned, but I brushed off their fears. “You have to take a look at this guy,” I said. I pulled over one friend's laptop and logged onto Facebook, but I couldn't find Max. “This is weird,” I said. It was like he no longer existed. My friends assured me it was okay, but I felt humiliated.

Did you block me on Facebook? I typed the next time I saw him on IM

Yeah, I did.

And you weren't going to say anything? What for?

I wanted to punish you for being jealous.

Oh. I thought how weird it was to punish me and not tell me. Wouldn't it make more sense to talk about it? To tell me that he thought I was being jealous? How was I supposed to know?

Should I cancel my plans to see you?

No

Don't ask me why, but I didn't. It was a strange thing for him to do, but I thought we could smooth it all out in person. That was until two weeks before the planned trip, when I was greeted with an unpleasant IM.

I'm not going to be dating for a while. I seem to have gotten someone pregnant.

The bottom dropped out of my world. My stomach felt like it was plummeting. Feel like telling me who she is? Someone new? An ex? Who?

No.

After what I've shown you, I feel like I deserve to know.

Silence.

Well then, good luck to you I guess, I typed and logged off.

I had a plane ticket bought and paid for on a proofreader's salary. My coworkers said I could probably get it changed to visit my parents. It hit me in the gut that he had talked me into this, that he didn't offer to pay, that he didn't care that he had left me with this ticket on my credit card.

Six months later I was startled by another IM from Max. For a second I couldn't remember whose screen name it was.

Hey.

Hey, aren't you a dad by now?

That's over, she miscarried. So, if you still want to come out...

I finally snapped out of it. Like a fever breaking, he didn't have the power over me anymore. I knew I would never meet him and that it was best for me that I not.

I don't think so.

It didn't occur to me until years later that the reason he didn't ever want to talk on the phone was that with instant messaging, he could have a whole bunch of girls hooked up to his webcam feed at once. He could have been saying dirty things to any number of others while talking to me.

Life went on. I dated a number of different people. I tried out able-bodied men (talk about awkward! So not worth it). I moved several times and finally settled down in Pennsylvania.

Plenty of bad boy rednecks there, but still hard to find the paralyzed ones. I got a dog and pulled together a little life. I accepted that I might never fall in love or have a lasting relationship, all I could do was hope that there was a God who cared about my love life.

One day I was out shopping with no makeup on and my long hair in a boring braid. I rounded the corner and stopped short at the sight of a young man in a sexy wheelchair. I knew that profile. I knew the shape of that body. It was him. It was Max. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I suddenly felt weak in the knees. I had only ever seen this man through a computer screen, I almost didn't believe he actually existed. Here he was, though, in my world.

Just my luck, he was even more gorgeous in person. Chiseled jaw and dark brown curls.

“Excuse me, Max?”

“Yeah?” he said with total disinterest, not taking his eyes from the shelf.

“I'm sure you don't remember me. I'm Rosie. I know you from the Internet.”

That got his attention. His startling blue eyes leaped up to meet mine and his cocky grin appeared.

I leaned over behind him, put my hands on his rock-hard shoulders, and took in his deep, musky scent. I put my lips right against his ear, knowing how my breath would tickle and whispered, “All I want is a one night stand.”

He turned his head to me, still grinning. “Let's get out of here.”

Back at his place we didn't even get the lights on before I was on him. The door had barely closed as I pushed his legs together and got mine on either side, my knees against his hips on one side and pressed against his wheels on the other.

Suddenly he was inside me, sliding in easily. I rocked my hips against him, one hand on the back of the chair and moaned in pleasure. The other hand was flung behind me like I was riding a

mechanical bull.

When I came it felt like sand being sucked forcefully back into the ocean with a retreating wave. I fell against him, limp, the sweat on my cheek melting with the sweat on his neck.

“I'm like fucking in love with you,” he said.

I felt warmth spread through me until I realized what a great line it was. “Son of a bitch, you're good.”

“You don't believe me?”

I laughed. “Of course I don't believe you!”

I don't know why I could finally see him and appreciate him exactly as he was. I could enjoy him for sex and forget the rest. Perhaps it was just age and maturity. I could see how silly it was that I ever thought this man was relationship material.

We kept meeting up and I think the regular sex kept me relaxed and cheerful, so I was ready when I finally did meet a cute quad guy in the sci-fi section of the Barnes and Noble and ditched Max for good.

The Adventures of Destiny Girl, Chapter 2 - the Date

2011-07-11T13:00:00.002-04:00

The Adventures of Destiny Girl
Chapter 2 - The Date

Destiny Girl arrived at the hospital just moments after the alarm sounded and found two of Madame Mechanica’s copper-clad henchmen handcuffed to a railing, the police surrounding them, weapons drawn. Destiny Girl liked Madame Mechanica - sure she was a super villain bent on world domination, but she was a WOMAN, and to Destiny Girl that meant something...

“Thank god you’re here, Destiny Girl!” said a tall, lean officer as soon as she arrived.

“What’s the situation Officer Reynolds?” asked Destiny girl, hovering there, scanning the area for other threats.

“These two were caught leaving by a back exit, they planted a bomb somewhere, but we have no idea where, and we have no idea when it will go off.”

“Did you ask them??” she said, looking at him with narrowed eyes. She was going to be late for her date, for THIS?

“Ask them? They’re... “

“They are Madame Mechanica’s mostly mechanical minions... god I wish I hadn’t just said that... Anyway, as long as their memory hasn’t been wiped, the location of the bomb will be right...”

Destiny Girl pulled open a brass and copper panel on the chestplate of one of the minions and revealed a control panel with a small screen and several knobs and switches. She turned the knobs and switches until the screen lit up with a dim glow and she was able to rewind the video feed. The police were amazed when she froze the screen image on a pair of hands placing a device full of tubes and wires under a propane tank in the lower level of the hospital.

“That’s amazing, Desitny Girl - we never knew - “ Destiny Girl cut him off and, in a flash, sped to the basement and ripped the bomb out from under the propane tank. She looked at the digital readout and saw it ticking down - 6, 5, 4...

“Oh crap.” she said, blasting out of the hospital at near super-sonic speeds and throwing the bomb at the last possible moment. The explosion threw her back, dazing her and blowing off one of her boots, which she didn’t notice.

“Are you OK Destiny Girl?” Officer Reynolds said as he ran over to where she hovered.

“I’m fine, officer, just a little closer then I like to be to a thermonic blast.” replied Destiny Girl, shaking her head. She saw several officers looking at her legs (something she was acutely aware of in her ‘normal’ life) and realized her boot had fallen off. She shrugged and picked it up.

“Is everyone OK?” she asked, slipping the boot on in one lightning quick motion.

“Everyone is fine, Destiny girl.” Officer Reynolds said, then awkwardly added “Thanks to you.”

“Just doing my job, officer.” Destiny girl said through partially gritted teeth and a forced smile. She waved to the crowd and sped off.

Danielle looked at the clock as she flew into her apartment. “Six minutes, as long as she’s not …” the doorbell rang. “...early. Crap!”

She looked around and caught a reflection of herself in the hall mirror - her hair looked like... well, her hair looked like she had just been blown up by a thermonic explosion. And she was still in her Destiny Girl costume. Perfect.

“Just a minute!” she called out, then using super speed, she undressed, soaked her hair in the shower, wrapped a soft towel around her head, then another around her body, then sat in her wheelchair. She arranged he limp legs as she wheeled to the door. The whole operation had taken just over thirty seconds.

Sheila’s eyes shot open as Danielle opened the door wearing only a towel, and her cheeks immediately turned pink.

“Well I suddenly feel very overdressed.” she said with a nervous giggle.

“Oh, sorry Sheila - took a little longer than I had planned in the shower.” Danielle said warmly. “It can take a little longer sometimes, I’m sure you understand.” she said as she indicated her paralyzed legs.

“Oh no, I understand, it’s fine, really Danielle. You can get dressed, I’ll wait, unless...”

“Unless I want help?” Danielle said, a little too seductively. ‘Try not to scare her off, Danielle..’ she chided herself.

“No, no, I was going to say if you wanted me to come back later, not...”

“It’s OK, I was just teasing Sheila.”

“Oh, oh ok, sorry...” Sheila said, and she looked genuinely disappointed.

“Don’t worry about it, and don’t be so nervous! It’s just my sense of humor. Maybe you can help me get undressed later.” she said with a wink and wheeled into her bedroom.

“What should I wear?” Danielle called from the bedroom, pulling off the towels and spraying on some perfume. While she could dress herself in the blink of an eye, she knew that would be... suspicious, to say the least. Not to mention, she had a feeling Sheila actually liked the fact that she had difficulty doing things, due to her legs. It was a strange thought, but not an unwelcome one. After all, she lived with her ‘limitations’ by choice, didn’t she...

“Stockings.” came Sheilas reply, the smallest of quivers in her voice as she said it.

“And what else?” Danielle asked.

“Nothing.” came the reply from the living room, more confident this time, playful. Sheila was loosening up. This could be a fun night after all.

“And if I actually came out there wearing nothing but a pair of stockings?” Danielle teased.

“I don’t think we’d ever get to dinner..” came Sheila’s honest reply.

“Well I’m hungry, so this will have to do.” said Danielle a minute later as she wheeled into the living room, wearing stockings and a short teal dress that really didn’t cover much when she was seated. Her lap belt was fastened and Danielle knew that the teal dressed made the lap belt - not to mention her wheelchair - particularly pronounced, which she knew Sheila would appreciate.

“So, you mentioned something about dinner?” Danielle said as Shelia stared at her un-apologetically. “And you can put your tongue back in your mouth. Until later, anyway.”

Sheila snapped out if it, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’ve never..”

“It’s OK, I invited you, I knew what I was getting into. At least I hope I know what I’m getting into. So, dinner?”

“Well, there’s a really good little Italian place right down by -”

“Rigatoni’s, right?” Danielle said, trying not to frown to much.

“What, you don’t like it?” Sheila asked, concerned.

“I’ve never tried it. I can’t get in.” Danielle said. “Too many stairs, it’s that little downstairs dining room.”

Sheila put her hand to her mouth. “I didn’t even think of that, I’m really sorry.”

“It happens all the time, most people don’t think of it. I know I didn’t think of it at all until...”
“Danielle, do you mind of I ask - “

“I was waiting for it.” Danielle said. “I’m a little surprised you didn’t ask earlier, the be honest. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, nothing thrilling. I was fourteen, I was riding my bike, and a tanker truck blew a tire, flipped over. I got hit, I blacked out, I woke up in a hospital room in a back and neck brace and couldn’t feel anything below my stomach. I honestly don’t remember that much.”

Danielle remembered a lot more than she admitted, of course. That lone, unmarked tanker truck was carrying an experimental substance that sprayed out from the ruptured tank and soaked her as she lay in the road, barely conscious. She never found out what it was or where it came from, but after a few weeks in the hospital, coming to terms with waking up a paraplegic, she started to notice things, strange things. And then there was the time she woke up on the ceiling...

“It was just a terrible accident.” she finished, pulling her train of thought back to the present. “And this is the result.” she indicated her legs and wheelchair. “Anything else you wanted to ask?”

“Have you always been gay?” Sheila asked, speaking quickly and obviously embarrassed.

“Well, um...” The question took her by surprise and Danielle thought about it for a minute. “I guess... well, I don’t think I was ‘anything’ until after my accident. Since then, I guess I’m more ‘trisexual’ “

“Tirsexual?” Sheila asked, confused.

“Sure - I’ll try anything once...” Danielle said with a flirtatious wink. “Being a teenager and paralyzed, it’s not like I had many options. Girls were just more.. accepting. Things grew from there. How about you?”

“I still remember the day. Freshman year of high school, I opened a teen magazine, saw a girl dressed in a bra and panties as some kind of advertisement, and realized I found her really sexy. Then I spent the rest of high school trying to make sure nobody ever found out.”

“How’d that work out?” Danielle asked.

“Dated a cheerleader senior year.” Sheila said with a smile. “Parents tried to be cool about it, but thought it was a ‘phase’ I would grow out of.”

Danielle wheeled close. “And the wheelchair thing?”

Sheila blushed a little. “I don’t really know... I can’t tell you the day and date when it started, or what triggered it. I just slowly realized that I was attracted to women in wheelchairs... more attracted than ‘regular’ women, anyway. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

Danielle laughed, a light, lyrical giggle. “Bother me? I’m a paraplegic lesbian, anything that gets me closer to a good night kiss is OK with me.

Sheila leaned down and kissed Danielle on the lips, running her fingers through Danielle’s soft hair. Danielle returned the kiss and caressed Sheila’s cheek. The women remained kissing for what felt like a thousand heartbeats, then Sheila slowly pulled away.

“I didn’t want to wait until the end of the date.” Shelia admitted, her cheeks flushed.

“Neither did I.” Danielle replied, smiling. Now, what did we say about dinner?”

“I think we were talking about ordering pizza and opening a bottle of wine, weren’t we?” Sheila said, sitting in the plush couch. Danielle smiled, then parked her wheelchair and slid onto the couch beside her in a smooth transfer, lifting each limp leg in both hands and sliding it as close to Sheila as she could. Danielle winked and, thought Sheila’s cheeks burned red, she put a hand gently on Danielle’s stocking-clad thigh. Danielle could hear Sheila’s heartbeat quicken. She smiled.

The ultrasonic alert woke Danielle out of a sound sleep - silent alarm triggered at the art museum, shots fired, costumed villains - the usual. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Danielle’s arm brushed against something - Sheila was in bed beside her, snoring gently.

Great. She couldn’t get ONE night off? Not ONE?

Danielle slipped the blankets off silently, then concentrated and rose slowly into the air, trying to disturb the bed as little as possible. She grabbed her Destiny Girl outfit from the secret panel in the ceiling, then headed to the bathroom and, in a lightning fast motion, was dressed and out the bathroom window, streaking towards the art museum, muttering under her breath. It was like the universe had decided she didn’t deserve a normal, healthy relationship for some reason, and it was really frustrating. And she was feeling so good after finally getting laid and -

Destiny Girl stopped dead in midair. Her wheelchair - it was still near the bed, she had flown out of the room. If Sheila woke to find... but she was already hearing the commotion at the museum, she didn’t have time to wait.

She cursed again under her breath and headed to the museum. Hopefully, whatever was going on could be handled quickly... but as she saw the gigantic robotic scorpion that clung vice-like to the side of the building, she feared that wasn’t going to be the case...

Story - Boys' Night Out

2011-06-16T13:41:00.001-04:00

Boys' Night Out By ParaGirl

Jackie answered the door and saw the stack of shipping containers standing next to a man dressed in a brown uniform and holding a clipboard. She signed the shipping document with a shaky hand and the delivery man helped her move the boxes into the living room. The door had barely clicked shut when she locked it and started tearing open the boxes, one at a time.

The first box contained full legbraces, metal and leather and perfectly adjusted for Jackie's legs. There were three pairs of shoes also - black leather shoes, heavy leather boots, and generic looking blue and white tennis shoes - that were all modified to fit securely into the braces. The boots were attached already and Jackie decided those would be OK to start. the box also contained a pair of aluminum forearm crutches, which she adjusted to properly fit her height.

The second box contained a plastic Boston brace that fit her torso snugly and strapped up with five velcro straps.

The final box was the largest and Jackie knew what it must contain - she saved the best for last. She tore open the top of the box, then used the box knife to carefully open the sides as well, so the lightweight custom wheelchair was revealed in a flurry of packing materials and shipping manifests. The wheelchair was dis-assembled, but Jackie soon had the wheels attached and the thick gel cushion fixed to the seat. She slowly sat in the chair and smiled widely as she tested it, wheeling herself a few laps around the large living room. It was perfect!

Soon Jackie was strapping her legs into the long heavy braces, the back brace already locked tightly on her torso and compressing her breasts tightly so that she appeared flat-chested while wearing it. It took her a few tries to get the braces on and the straps tightly fastened, but she felt a thrill as she realized how completely immobile this made her, how crippled she suddenly felt. She stood carefully, balancing on the crutches, and slowly crutched through her apartment with a careful swing-through gait, her braced legs swinging through the crutch uprights, propelling her a foot or so with each laborious step. She went to the kitchen and had a drink of water, then to the bathroom to see her reflection in the tall mirror. She was naked, aside from the heavy braces and a bulky adult diaper, and she shifted side to side, admiring her crippled self.

Soon tired after the hard work of the crutches and braces, Jackie sat slowly and heavily in her new wheelchair. She lifted her legs with her hands, grabbing the braces and pulling her feet up onto the footrests, then unlocked the wheels and began wheeling around the apartment again, this time straightening up and cleaning, doing a few simple chores, learning how to live like a paralyzed girl. She never used her legs, never moved them at all, other than with her hands. It made her hot, excited to think of it.

Jackie was feeling more and more aroused as her day of paralyzed exploration rolled on. A particularly hard struggle to reach a box on the counter made her extra horny and, looking at her reflection, she decided she knew what she wanted to do. She wheeled to her bedroom and began to remove her bulky diaper, seeing how aroused she was. She opened a drawer and dug through until she found what she wanted - her jelly dong, a soft pink double ended dildo with the rigidity of a flaccid cock - just what she was looking for. With a little lubrication, she pushed half of the dildo into her aroused sex, letting the other half - over eight inches in length - flop between her braced legs.

Jackie wheeled herself to the bathroom again and sat in front of the mirror as she began to stroke the flaccid pink cock that popped out from between her crippled legs. She used more lube and stroked it up and down, just like a real para cock, jerking it off and feeling no reaction, just soft limp flesh between her legs. She kept going, pumping her cock as she watched in her wheelchair, and became incredibly turned on, seeing her crippled body, the heavy braces, the wheelchair, and yes, especially that limp cock. She was feeling more and more like a crippled boy and, as she masturbated the soft cock she would never feel, she came in a low, intense orgasm that made her moan loudly, closing her eyes. Once she was done, she had a final look, then picked up a pair of scissors. She knows what she wants to do.

Jackie lowered her braced legs off the bed and slowly struggled to stand up, using the bed and her crutches to gain her balance. She slowly moves out of the bedroom to the bathroom, again checking the full length mirror. She wears a tailored men’s shirt, and she is pleased to see that her torso brace gives her a very masculine shape underneath the cotton shirt. The shirt is tucked into a well fitting pair of men’s slacks, slightly oversized to hide the heavy braces and diaper she wears. Her hair is now short, with a part on the side in a very masculine style. She feels the bulge of her flaccid cock inside her diaper, making her feel even more masculine as she looks at the crippled boy staring back at her from the mirror. Only her face still shows the gentle curves of femininity, but just barely, and she knows that will be overlooked by most people she meets.

Finally satisfied, Jackie smiles and crutches out of the bathroom and out of the apartment as a crippled boy, dragging her braced legs behind her, looking for excitement...

Story - The Secret Identity

2011-06-13T17:33:00.002-04:00

The Secret Identity By ParaGirl

Originally posted in the Wheelchair Fiction yahoo group

One minute, the bank robbers were standing there pointing automatic weapons at the bank tellers. The next - there was a blur of magenta and gold and the four armed thugs lay in a pile, unconscious, with their weapons bent or broken on the floor.

Everyone looked around and saw the magenta-clad Destiny Girl floating in mid-air, her cape shimmering as she hovered, smiling. Her eyes sparked gold under her magenta and black domino mask.

“Is anyone hurt?” she asked the crowd, who were still in shock at the turn of events. They looked over one another and the bank manager finally stepped forward.

“I - I think we’re OK, Destiny Girl.” he said with a stammer. “They were so fast, We.. We didn’t even have time to hit the silent alarm. How did you know?”

“It’s my job to know, sir.” she said with a flourish, then added “I think the police will be able to handle it from here - I’ve already alerted them, I hear the sirens already. I’m glad nobody got hurt.” and with that, she flew out the open doors and into the midday sky.

Destiny Girl (Whose real name was Danielle) looked around carefully to make sure nobody was looking, then quickly grabbed the duffel bad holding her clothes and changed in a lightning-fast maneuver that most people would have only seen as a blur. She lowered herself into her titanium sport wheelchair and arranged her limp legs, freshened her hair, fastened the nylon padded lap belt, and wheeled out into the midday sun. She wheeled down the sidewalk to the cafe across from the bank, where she had been trying to get her iced mocha latte before she was so rudely interrupted.

“Hey Danielle, you just missed her!” Carlos said behind the counter, already mixing her drink.

“Missed who, Lady GaGa?” Danielle said as she wheeled up to the counter and put her credit card through the machine.

“No, Destiny Girl.” Carlos said, an exasperated smile across his face. Danielle loved to tease him and they constantly bantered back and forth about her. Danielle thought it was cute how in love Carlos was with her super-powered alter-ego, even though he was very openly gay.

“Oh her - what was she doing, making a deposit?” Danielle loved to goad him on.

“Try saving the bank from like a dozen heavily armed bank robbers.” he said, his eyes glassing over as he imaged the daring scene. “I heard one of them had a bazooka, but it didn’t even phase her, she laughed it off.”

Danielle was always amazed at how her exploits grew almost exponentially as people retold them. In less than 15 minutes she had already laughed off a bazooka attack. She smiled up at Carlos.

“I’m sure she was awesome Carlos - almost as awesome as your mocha latte.” She smiled. “So, has Destiny girl ever come in for a coffee?” She chided, pointing at the hand lettered sign in the window saying ‘No Charge for Destiny Girl’.

“No.” He sighed. “But some day I’m sure she will, I just know it!”

“I’m sure she will.” Danielle said. “I hope I’m here to see it.”

Danielle wheeled down the street, managing to avoid ignorant pedestrians paying more attention to their cell phones than the woman in the wheelchair, at the same time sipping her perfect mocha latte. She really could save some money if she took some of these shopkeepers up on their offers - half the businesses in town had put signs up proclaiming ‘No charge for Destiny Girl’ since her debut ten months before, stopping a runaway bus from plunging into the river. She had been tempted, definitely, but that was a slippery slope that, at best, would look like she was endorsing businesses or products and, at worst, could even result in someone recognizing her from the neighborhood.

She still worried that, some day, Carlos or someone else she had daily dealings with would see her up close as Destiny Girl and would recognize her. She’d just have to rely on her secret identity - and the fact that there were no other heroes (that she knew of, anyway) who were paraplegics. Blind, sure - she knew three off the top of her head. Amputees, too - they always got the high tech bionic augmentations, like ‘Scissorkick’ with his ultra high tech legs and ‘WhipCrack’ with the extend-able whips that came out of his prosthetic hands. She thought she knew a super-villain too, ‘Crimson Claw’, who had his hands replaced with razor-sharp claws of some indestructible space alloy, but she wasn’t completely sure about that one.

Danielle made it to her apartment and wheeled around the back. One of the great ironies of her life - the amazing Destiny Girl, unstoppable by anything but a short flight of stairs at the front door.

Finally in her apartment, she tossed the empty latte cup in the trash and put her bag down, then wheeled to her computer. By day, when she wasn’t busting criminals, she was a blogger and disability rights expert who wrote for several publications, both online and in print. She logged into her latest article, about a new public building that had somehow been built without a ramp, and then took out her notepad with several juicy quotes from the building contractor who had somehow ‘misplaced’ the original plans for the building. He assured her - all the time looking nervously at her wheelchair and wringing his hands - that the building would be fully accessible within two months.

Three hours later and the article was finished and sent to her editor and she was headed for the gym. She packed her gym bag with the basics and wheeled out to meet sheila, her personal trainer.

“Hey Sheila.” she said with a smile, wheeling into the well equipped gym. Sheila smiled that warm, special smile of hers and said hello back.”

“So what are we going to work on today?” Danielle asked, taking a quick swig from her sports bottle.

“Last time we worked the shoulders hard, today we’ll go with biceps and triceps.” she said, setting up a padded bench and taking out some weights.

“I was thinking we could work on my legs.” Danielle teased, wheeling up to the bench. Sheila grabbed her limp legs and helped her transfer onto the weight bench, then strapping her on.

“I think we’d need a private session for that.” Sheila said, without missing a beat, her cheeks turning red. Danielle knew Sheila was a devotee, though the topic had never ‘officially’ come up. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, but Danielle kept hinting. Danielle didn’t identify with ‘lesbian’ or ‘heterosexual’, she just wanted a date, someone who could look beyond the chair and, maybe some day, beyond the secret identity. Another irony of her life, she mused - Destiny Girl could defeat Captain Chaos and his mechanical minions in an afternoon, but Danielle couldn’t land a date with a woman who actually had a fetish for paralyzed legs. She laughed to herself.

“What’s so funny?” Sheila said, helping Danielle with the weights. Danielle had to remember to appear like she was straining a bit with the twenty pound dumbbells.

“Just thinking.” she said with a smile. “I will get you over to my apartment some day.”

“I know you will...” said Sheila, then seemed to make a decision. “How about Friday?”

“How about tonight.” Danielle said without skipping a beat, doing slow measured curls with the weights as she spoke. She had thought about this scene a hundred times, and she knew if she gave Sheila the opportunity to think about it too much, she’s chicken out. She wanted to strike with the fire was still hot, as it were. She realized she had used similar tactics against Baron Nocturna a month before. Her life was really complicated.

“Sure.” Sheila said, her voice a little shaky. “Tonight, seven o’clock.”

“You know where I live?” Danielle asked, suddenly feeling excited and, could it be, nervous? She could fight giant killer robots from Mars without breaking a nail, but a date with a pretty girl had her palms sweating. Complicated life indeed.

For the rest of the workout Danielle talked about dinner plans and Sheila tried to turn the date into a ‘friends getting together’ kind of meetup, but by the end of the session Danielle was teasing Sheila by asking what she wanted for breakfast and Sheila had just given in and said ‘Waffles with a side of you’ with a big pink-cheeked embarrassed grin.

Danielle quickly wheeled into the adapted shower and cleaned up, then headed home to order a dinner delivery and tidy things up for Sheila. She wanted everything to be just perfect, and she decided it would be easiest to close all the blinds tight and use a little ‘super speed’ to clean the place up. It was risky - anyone seeing her floating about the apartment out of her wheelchair would immediately know she was a super - but for this, her first date since the accident, she wanted everything to be perfect.

And that’s when it all went wrong...

“Urgent call for Destiny Girl - there is a bomb in Metro Hospital, we need your help.” came across the special radio frequency that she had set up with local law enforcement. They only used it when it was truly a crisis, and this sounded like a big one, bomb in a hospital was pretty bad. She looked at the clock - 5:55. Just over an hour before Sheila was going to be there.

Danielle sighed and shook her head, then floated out of her wheelchair and changed into her Destiny Girl costume in a flash, then shot out of the apartment headed to Metro Hospital. Just over an hour - it was possible she’d be done by then, but she wouldn't have too much time to clean up. She flew at near supersonic speeds and hoped this would be a quick one...

Hey video producers - want a script??

2011-05-27T15:23:00.004-04:00

So I've seen a few of the new 'Para fantasy' videos out there, like ParaDays from Cast-video.com, or Paraplegic Jackie and Lucy Paraplegic Story from MedicBrace. Some are decent, some are way off base, but I feel like none of them really 'Get It' as far as true wheelchair fetish material goes.

All of them seem to have the women recovering at the end, which is a pet peeve of mine, and none of them really go into a lot of the things that para and wheelchair fetish fans want, like talking about the accident, a scene where they are examined, the great 'can you feel this' scene, maybe some interactions with other people, etc... the best so far is 'Lucy' from MedicBrace - it's got a GREAT opening scene where Lucy gets hit by a car and winds up in the hospital, nice cervical collar, and then a little exam scene and the diagnosis. Even subtitled, it's a hot scene to para fans and fetishists, I promise. We want more!

And of course anyone who is a fan of my blog also knows I want to see erotica - what about the first time she's alone and touches herself? Such a potentially hot scene!! Discuss diapers, try a vibrator, play with her nipples and realize they are more sensitive...

There is a LOT of potential and some companies are starting to do more para and wheelchair fetish material, so here's what I want to do. I have THREE script outlines for para/wheelchair fetish videos. One standard 'girl gets hurt, winds up in a hospital paralyzed' type, one 'highly erotic' script, and a 'wannabe gets her wish' script. If any video production company wants to talk to me about producing one or more of my scripts, email me (paracathy at hotmail) and we can talk details. I won't charge much, I promise. And you HAVE to be a real producer, not some guy who wants a Paragirl script to act out with his girlfriend... I can and will check.

Think about it - you can produce a video officially scripted by THE paragirl... And I'll promote the hell out of it too. Seems a win-win to me :)

Finally, to anyone who wants me to just post the scripts - nope. I'm only going to share them with whoever wants to produce the videos, and if they want to post them to drum up sales, they're welcome to. BUT if people post positive comments here or forward this post to their favorite video production company to show it has community support, it might make this more likely to happen, right??

MARCH?? My last post was March????

2011-05-24T16:11:00.006-04:00

Wow do I suck at this. Sorry all, here's the deal - I had a falling out with a web-friend who I was really fond of, she was wonderful and fun and sexy and I fucked it up and was a bitch and I and took things too far and I think I hurt her pretty bad, and I felt like shit about it and so I haven't been doing much lately.
Today, however, I got a GREAT email from another female dev-related writer, Ruth Madison, and talking to her really got my writer's juices flowing again, so to speak (totally metaphorically, she's hetero, but a great writer) and so I decided to brush off the old blog... I had no idea it had been so long though... sorry!!

Anyway, by way of apology, I'll tell you about my date this weekend - I think you'll like it...

Cathy's Date

So Heather had worked really long hours last week, we had barely seen each other all week, which makes us both kind of cranky. We're in love, what can I say? Well, I wanted to do something nice for her, something I knew she'd like, so I made a plan....

I worked Friday night and she always lets me sleep in On Saturdays, so when I finally woke up around 10:30am I could hear her in the living room watching HGTV. I put on an outfit I knew she would love, then instead of getting in my wheelchair I put on my eye patches and dark glasses and grabbed my white cane. I was barefoot, and wearing a mismatched outfit of maroon skirt and a patterned blue and silver top. Visually they clash terribly, but to the touch they're very similar, so it made sense that I got dressed by touch.

I heard her pop off the couch as she heard the first tap tap tap of my cane down the hall, and she was kissing me before she even said anything. When I'm blind, a sudden sensory impact like that - my lover grabbing me and forcing her tongue down my throat - is really disorienting, and I stumbled a little, Heather grabbing me and helping me stay up. She asked what the occasion was, and I told her I knew she had a bad week, and I wanted to make her feel better. I reached out with one bare foor to where I thought she was standing, and met her calf with my toes - I heard her breathe in a little and then her hand was between my legs, rubbing my panties. I think I giggled and said she was going to knock me over if she kept distracting me like that, and we ended up heading to the kitchen, me tapping my way there, her loving every minute of it. She made me waffles for breakfast and we played footsie under the table as she helped me eat. I got my foot between her legs (something I never get to do as a para) and under her skirt, and she was moaning in orgasm before we finished our orange juice. I could feel her wet sex all over my toes, and it really turned me on too. After breakfast we ended up making out ont he couch for a bit while watching - well, me listening to - the TV.

A few hours later, and I was pretty well acclimated to my blindness (I told her I'd go all day for her if she wanted) and Heather asked if I wanted to go out. I was a little hesitant, because we've only done it a handful of times and I'll admit, it's intimidating walking around in unfamiliar territory unable to see anything. I told her sure, though, and ased what she wanted to do. She said the movies - now this is a weird kink of Heather's that goes along with her blindness fascination, to go to the movies with me and then ask me about what I 'saw' in my minds' eye based on what I heard. It kind of gets her off in a somewhat inexplicable way. I guess similar to my fantasies of seeing my sex penetrated and having no sensation - can't explain it, but it turns me on a LOT...

So as we're getting ready to go and Heather is dresing me (in mostly matching clothes, or so she told me, I never did see myself) she tells me to sit on the bed so she can put my stockings on. Instead of smooth silky stockings though, I feel the familiar sensation of an ACE bandage being applied, and my toes and arch being manipulted, in a pseudo foot-binding position. This is something we found by experimentation and it's very hard to describe, but it binds my feet in such a way that it's pressty comfortable, but impossible to stand or walk. Heather bandages me well, taking care to ask how it feels, and then I feel her pull knee socks over my bandaged feet, then some sort of slippers - definitely not shoes.

She helps me into my wheelchair, and I'm squirming I'm so turned on. She wheels me out to the garage and helps me into the car, and we drive to a theater about 45 minutes away, give or take. Far enough where we won't bump into anyone we know, anyway. The whole ride, I'm telling Heather about how it feels to be blind, how I'm interpreting the sounds and feelings and movement, and she's telling me how sexy my crippled feet look at the same time. By the time we got to the theater I was soaked and glad I was wearing a diaper, and Heather actually she said she wished she was wearing one too - I felt her up and her panties were soaked through, literally. I wish we could have fucked right there in the parking lot, we were both so turned on...
So we went to see Pirates of the Carribbean 4, but it was sold out, both shows. We ended up seeing 'Priest' instead, which sounded cool. It was easy to follow the story, anyway, and I think because I was completely focused on the dialog and not the eye candy, I figured out the 'big secret' way before Heather did.

It is a very different and weird sensation, sitting in a movie theater listenign to the dialog of a movie without seeing it, and even weirder wearing a diaper and sitting in a wheelchair with bound, crippled feet. I wonder what I looked like to anyone who saw me. I know Heather loved it, and I kept whispering little things like 'what does she look like, she sounds hot' and such.
We got home and ordered pizza, and Heather helped me eat again, this time actualyl feeding me while I kept my hands in my lap. It was unspoken, but we were kind of playing me as a quad, at least in my mind. Well, not totally, because I kept touching myself as she fed me.

We didn't even bother with TV, instead going right to bed for some amazing sex, and I got a nice buzzy vibe in my ass, which sent me right off the deep end of orgasm, and I ate her out for I don't know how long, the vibrating butt plug in the whole time - got it was amazing. Let me tell you - Lesbian sex is AWESOME - don't let anyone tell you different.

After we finished, I 'de-crippled' myself and we got cleaned up and then cuddled for a while, then fell asleep...

The End

Hope you liked it :)

New Story - It's Candi's Fault....

2011-02-28T17:29:00.008-05:00

I have never hid the fact that I pretty much lust over Candi at Candisland.com - she's goregeous, funny, sweet, and knows how to show off her para stuff better than anybody. Her legs are so... OK I should stop before I get myself in trouble here... :)

So Candi recently posted a video clip on Facebook (If you are a wheelchair fetishist and don't follow her on facebook, do so now! I mean it!!) of her in a VERY sexy 'naughty nurse' outfit that made me lightheaded it turned me on so much.

Now I'm obviously into a lot of medical fetish stuff, and you'd think someone like me, into wheelchair and pretender fetish and BIID stuff wouldn't be into the old cliche 'naughty nurse' - If you did think that, you would be so very, very wrong. I have many, many 'naughty nurse' type fantasies, especially a naughty PARA nurse in a wheelchair - dear god I can't imagine anything hotter right at the moment. So Candi, this little flight of fancy is completely your fault....

The Naughty Nurse By ParaCathy

"How are you feeling Cathy?" the nurse said with a smile. "You've had a rough night, but you're OK now... I'm Candi, I'll be your nurse." She was like no nurse Cathy had ever seen before - first of all, she was dead gorgeous, with a bright smiling face, sharp, dazzling eyes, and lush blonde hair spilling out from under her white nurses' cap. Next, she was wearing what could be described more as a fetish costume than a legitamte nurses' uniform. Short, short skirt, tight stretchy top that exposed most of her full breasts, a pink stethescope, and white thigh-high stockings that clung to her legs like a second layer of skin. She wore a very sexy pair of red patent heels that were certainly not meant for standing on all day, which made perfect sense when Cathy finally took in the full picture before her.

Nurse Candi, she saw with delight and no small amout of desire, was in a sleek, sporty wheelchair and her legs were thin, smooth, and some of the most goregeous paralyzed legs Cathy had ever had the pleasure of seeing. She was amazing from head to obviously parayzed toe, and Cathy completely forgot where she was or what she was doing there, immidiately trying to get up and talk to this sexy, flirtatious nurse.

Her body had other plans and reacted with a kick of extreme dizzyness and some nausea, and Cathy's head flopped gracelessly back to the bed.

"Careful now, Cathy." nurse Candi said with a smile and wheeled closer. "So you like wheelchairs, is that what I've read?"

"Well...." Cathy said, mouth dry, unable to take her eyes off of Candi's perfect legs. "I guess you could say I have an... interest in the differently abled..."

"The way I hear it..." Candi said, running her hands up and down her thighs as she sat there "It's more than an interest. I'm willing to bet you're pretty wet night now." she practically whispered. "Or you would be, if..."

Cathy realized with a start that, as focused as she was on Nurse Candi, she barely realized that all sensation stopped at her navel, she couldn't feel anything below her belly button at all.

"Oh my, I'm...."

Candi lifted the light sheet off of Cathy and lifted one limp leg. "Well let's see - I'm here to give you your exam, after all..." Candi said with a smile. She lifted Cathy's left foot in her latex-gloved hands and Cathy felt a deep thrill at the utter lack of sensation, the way it could have been someone else's foot.

"Wiggle your toes for me Cathy." Nurse Candi said, but try as she might, try as hard as she could, Cathy's toes refused to do anything, not even twitch. she shook her head.

"Hmmm." Nurse Candi said. She took out a slim metal instrument tha tlooked similar to a dental hook. "Now tell me when you feel this" the naughty nurse said as she ran the hook across the soles of Cathy's feet.

"Nothing at all." Cathy said with growing excitement, mixed with just a hint of fear and more than a little arousal.

Nurse Candi continued her examination, feeling her way higher and higher up, and the higher she got up Cathy's legs the more excited and aroused Cathy felt. Seeing those gloved hands touching her, manipulating parts of her that she could neither feel nor move, was making Cathy more and more turned on. By the time Nurse Candi got to her now numb sex, Cathy was panting with arousal, her heart beating a hundred times a minute she was so excited.

"Surely you can't be turned on by this.." Nurse Candi said as she stroked Cathy's numb clit. "You can't feel it at all, can you?" she teased, driving Cathy wild, because while she couldn't feel it, that fact was one of the most erotic things she had ever experienced. Cathy moaned as the nurse stroked her, almost playfully.

"So let's get you dressed and rolling." Nurse Candi said once the exam was done, leaving Cathy panting as she wheeled around to get some clothes. Not 'hospital' clothes, though - she pulled out a pair of thigh high stockings, a short skirt and a tight pink t-shirt top. It looked like there was a diaper there as well.

Getting dressed was better than sex for Cathy - seeing Nurse Candi slipping the stockings on her limp, unfeeling legs, pulling the tight skirt over her numb hips, even rolling her around to get the bulky diaper on were fascinating and arousing for Cathy. It was as if she was watching someone else getting dressed, but that someone else was attached to her. It was something Cathy had always dreamed of, but never expected to encounter.

Once Cathy was dressed she sat in the now elevated bed and looked at her paralyzed lower half. "So now what?" she said, looking around the room - the only wheelchair in sight was the one Nurse Candi sat in. "Should I ride in your lap?"

Nurse Candi smiled. "I'll bet you'd like that - maybe later doll." She hit a button and an orderly brought in a beautiful pink sport chair. "I think this is what you were looking for."

The chair was modern and sexy, Cathy was immediately in love and couldn't wait to get into it. The orderly parked it near the bed and Candi made sure it was locked, then pulled out a transfer board.

"You'll be using one of these for a while." she said, and helped Cathy slip the board under her bottom and over to the wheelchair. "I take it you've transferred into a wheelchair before?"

"Maybe a couple times." Cathy said with a blush. "But never..."

"It's going to be a lot different with these now." Candi said and rubbed Cathy's dead legs again. "But I'm sure you'll get the hang of it."

Cathy struggled a bit, but finally, with Nurse Candi's help, she slid into her new wheelchair. Nurse Candi arranged her legs for her, something that nearly made Cathy cum, and then Cathy was in HER wheelchair, completely paralyzed from her stomach down, with a sexy paralyzed nurse, and more turned on than she had ever been.

"So what now?" Cathy asked, sitting in her wheelchair.

"What do you want?" Nurse Candi asked, wheeling to face her.

"A kiss." Cathy replied with a deep blush.

Nurse Candi smiled, wheeled up to Cathy and lifted one paralyzed, stocking-clad leg. She took Cathy's foot in her hands and kissed it, then replaced the limp foot into it's footrest. "How was that?" she asked with a wink. "Did I leave you wanting for more?"

Cathy just nodded as she sat in her chair and stroked her numb and flaccid thighs.

To be continued?

Look Ma, No Hands

2011-02-27T07:28:00.002-05:00

This story is a commission of sorts - a friend online (one of my 'fantasy roleplay' friends) was into this scene/concept, but we couldn't give it enough time to play it out, so I told her I'd write up a quick story around it. It's not my usual thing, it's extreme and kinky and involves consensual incest, but it's new and different and I hope some people like it.

Look Ma, No Hands By ParaGirl

The infection spread rapidly and Amber spiked a high fever that had everyone worried about serious complications. The doctors were able to identify it, but Amber proves to be allergic to the typical remedies, so they lost precious time trying to find something that would work on that particular strain. In the end they found a combination of drugs that killed off the virus and brought Amber back from the brink of death, but she had been sick for two weeks, had been gripped by extreme fever for almost half that. It was inevitable that there would be some long term effects of the illness.

Amber's mother, Grace, watcher her daughter sleeping quietly. It was their first night back, fresh out of rehab. Amber looked peaceful in her sleep, Grace couldn't see the pain and loss that was so common on the eighteen year old's face since she regained consciousness. It wasn't a surprise, her daughter had lost so much in so little time....

Amber started to wake, a low moan escaping her as she started trying to roll over. Her inability to roll successfully woke her up with a start and she cried out. Grace hurried into the room to help.

"It's OK honey, I'll help you get up. Let's remember your morning routine dear, just like rehab." she said, stroking Amber's hair. Amber looked up, eyes already puffy with tears, and nodded.

Grace helped Amber sit up. It was here that she saw the real results of her daughter's illness, as her arms flopped lifeless at her sides. They were paralyzed completely, as was her right foot, a result of nerve damage from the infection. She could still walk if she wore a rigid AFO brace on her right leg, but her arms were completely dead, she'd never use them again.

"I'm up mom, I'm OK." she said with a sigh. "And it feels like I'm.... starting."

"Starting?" Grace asked, then understood immediately, realizing Amber was talking about her period. "Oh don't worry, we'll take care of that dear."

Grace helped Amber into her wheelchair and wheeled her into the bathroom. They had gotten the morning routine down pretty well in rehab, but this was the first time doing it in their own bathroom. Grace helped Amber to the toilet, then helped her clean herself - Amber hated this part, but it was likely she'd never be able to do it herself in her condition. Once she was done, Grace then took a tampon and slid it into her daughter gently. Amber wouldn't even look, and her eyes were tearing up again. She bit her lip a little.

When the bathroom routine was complete Grace wheeled Amber to her room and start dressing her, taking out the clothes that Amber asked for.

"Mom" Amber said quietly. "I had a dream last night."

"A dream? Like you were healthy again?" Grace said, feeling like she knew what was about to happen.

"No, not really like I was healthy again, it was more... " Amber blushed deeply. "It was more erotic. I don't remember many details, but I woke up feeling, well... horny." she said. "That's why I woke up so upset - I can't do... THAT any more."

Now it was Grace's time to blush fiercely. This wasn't something she had anticipated at all. "Well honey, it's.... you could.... Oh god honey I don't know what to say..." she said, feeling a bit awkward. She knew her daughter was sexually active before her illness, but currently had no partner and, in her condition, wasn't likely to find one in the short term anyway.

"Sorry Mom, I shouldn't have brought it up." she said, looking more embarrassed.

"No it's OK honey, I'm glad you feel like you can share things like that with me. I completely understand." Grace took a deep breath. "Are you still, you know..."

Amber wouldn't answer but she nodded her head a couple times. Grace say beside her on the bed and stroked her hair.

"Close you eyes and think of that dream again honey." she whispered to Amber, then caressed her daughter's smooth skin.

It was hard at first, this was wrong in so many ways, but her daughter needed her, her poor crippled daughter needed her mother, and this wasn't that much more personal than wiping her bottom or putting in her tampon. She gently caressed her daughter, rubbign her inner thighs, then her clit. It was already wet and reacted to her touch instantly, Amber moaned softly.

Grace rubbed more, little circles with just a bit of pressure. It was how she liked it, she imagined it would work for her daughter. She was right - after a few minutes Amber was writing under her touch and moaning, her hips started bucking. Finally, Amber began to shake as the orgasm built, and to Grace's surprise, Amber came with several shouts and a loud cry of 'Oh Melissa...' before collapsing to the bed, spent. Grace left the room for a few minutes and washed her hands, giving her daughter a bit of privacy.

Grace was sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of breakfast ready when Amber walked in. She had a slight limp due to her paralyzed foot and brace, and her arms swung limp and useless as she walked. She had a smile on her lips, though, and Grace was happy. They hadn't talked about it 'after', but Grace could see a change in her daughter, a change for the better.

"She who's Melissa?" Grace asked as she forked some scrambled egg into Amber's mouth. Amber blushed but didn't react otherwise.

"She was in rehab." Amber finally asked after a sip of juice. "She was across the hall from me. We spent... a lot of time together."

"Oh, I see. Was she...?" Grace started.

"Well she wasn't there for the fun of it." Amber answered. "She was in a car wreck, broken back." she said. "Paralyzed from her stomach down."

"Oh, and you two..." Grace was curious now, about so many things.

"It didn't start that way - she had been there for a few weeks when I moved in. At first she thought I was a quad, because of my arms, but then saw me walking. She was confused, to say the least. She introduced herself, we discussed our situations, and wejoked that between us we'd make a whole woman - she was the arms and I was the legs. I don't know when it got... sexual. It just happened one night, after we'd both had a rough day of rehab, we needed contact, needed companionship, needed someone who understands, and... "

"It OK, I understand honey." said Grace, and she really did. "Are you two going to... keep in touch?"

"I hadn't thought about it." said Amber, but Grace knew that was a lie. She started to have an idea, and later that dat found herself making a call to the rehab center, asking to be connected to Melissa's room...

Buyer Beware - CGJ VIP Asian Foot & Cast Fetish and Clips4Sale

2011-02-22T14:44:00.004-05:00

I just got a long angry email from a reader, with some forwarded emails from Clips4Sale customer support, so it looks legit. He wanted me to post this because of a really bad experience he had buying fetish material, and he knows I HATE that...

He saw one of the Haicaster youtube videos advertising a decent looking pretender fetish video - he even sent me the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbhAx58gPpc

The clip is called Miwako Pretender and features a pretty Asian girl pretending to be an arm amputee, leg amputee, and para. Looks nice, actually - I've seen it before but oddly enough I never saw it listed in the clips store for purchase.

So if you look at the clip, it clearly sends you to http://clips4sale.com/studio/5411 to buy a longer clip. Now at the top of THAT page you get a video called 'Miwako Disabled Pretender' that is for sale, and there are a few similar scenes from the youtube video. However, according to my reader, these videos are TOTALLY different.

According to the email I got, the purchased video contains more than 60% cast fetish material (LLC and LAC) and very little 'pretender' material - in fact, there is NO arm amputee and only a few brief scenes of the leg amputee, plus a little bit more para footage.

Needless to say he contacted Clips4Sale customer support (I have these emails, he forwarded them to me) and while they weren't rude or anything, they simply didn't care. As far as they were concerned he got what he paid for. Definitely not a 'customer is always right' situation here. Basically they said they were not responsible for any misrepresentation from videos posted to youtube, which might be technically correct, but doesn't it raise a few ethical questions?

He said he contacted the stuido as well and never heard back from them - I don't have any emails or anything related to that but he seems straight up, I have no reason to doubt him, and they ARE a Japanese studio, so maybe they can't even understand what he's asking...

In any case - though I've had some decent luck with Clips4Sale personally, specifically buying brace pretender stuff, this sounds like false advertising, either intentional or accidental. To link from a movie trailer to a site where you can buy a movie with the same (or similar) name that is NOT the same movie and doesn't contain the same scenes or content just seems sleazy.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE that studios are starting to make more and more of our particular fetish related material available, but they can't keep trying to scam us or pass of crappy material as premium content. It just annoys me to no end!

So in short, I guess I'll just say buyer definitely needs to beware when purchasing anything from Clips4Sale or CGJ and triple-check you're getting the movie you actually think you're buying, because if you don't they apparently do not care.

Saturday fetish fun...

2011-02-20T15:49:00.003-05:00

So Heather had big plans for me yesterday... She was in the mood for some blind girl action, so after lunch she put some eye patches and dark glasses on me, making me totally blind, and then dressed me. She loves dressing me in what she calls 'blind girl' outfits, which are usually mismatched, as if I got dressed with no idea about color or style. It really turns her on for some reason she was never able to explain - kind of like me getting wet seeing paralyzed feet turned in on a wheelchair foot rest.

Heather wanted something a little more yesterday, though - she was also in a serious foot fetish mood, so she bandaged both of my hands into 'stumps' so I couldn't use them. She figured out a way to attach the white cane, which she said looked great - I'll have to take her word for that. It did force me to use my feet for a lot of things though - I pretended to read braille for her using my toes, which from the sounds of it had her masturbating as she watched me.

The 'Big Finale' was making me use a dildo on her with my feet. I've done that before - again, she's a foot fetishist - but this is the first time I've done it while blind and without hands. It was tricky, but really hot. I gripped the dildo between my feet and she helped me guide it in, since I was blind, and I used my feet and legs to fuck her. Like I said, it was so hot.

Her final present to me was getting me up on all fours and fucking me with her strap on. While she was fucking me she snapped my back with an elastic, which hurt and surprised the hell out of me, and she told me she had snapped my back and paralyzed me, and we played out a whole 'blind arm amputee new paraplegic' fantasy that made me cum about eight times. She finished fucking me and put a big diaper on me, telling me what she was doing every step of the way and telling me I was a helpless cripple, which is one of my biggest turn-ons. She unbandaged my hands for me afterwards but left me blind and in my wheelchair until bed time. Overall, very hot afternoon and evening for me :)

Just thought I'd share ;)

Flash Fiction - The Morning After

2011-02-19T07:25:00.005-05:00

God you were so sexy that night. I saw you there, in the club, and it wasn't some deep romantic wave that swept me, it was lust - I felt you in my sex. You wanted me too, I knew it as soon as our eyes met. You smiled at me, and it wasn't friendly, it was pure seduction. I had no question that I was going to end up in your bed, it was just obvious, and I wanted it.

The drinks were a mere formality - to get closer and make sure that the feelings, the desires, were really there and not just some byproduct of the thumping music and strobing lights. Our legs touched under the table and we both jumped a little from the electric charge of that momentary contact. My panties were soaked, and by the way you shifted in your chair I knew yours were too.

I had gotten to the club via the subway and you had a car in the lot. I followed you to it, drinking in the way you walked, the way your hips swayed, the way your auburn hair bounced. You opened the door for me and a giggled, I remember that - I thought it was sweet and almost out of place, we were almost feral with lust by this point.

I guess we were paying so much attention to ourselves and our lust that we weren't paying attention to how many martinis we had, or how fast you were driving. I heard crunching metal, heard grinding and screaming, I felt the car lurch and roll, I felt my back break, heard the pop, legs going dead instantly, then black...

I wheel into your room. I don't know how long it's been, don't know anything but this moment. My legs are dead, completely paralyzed, but I don't care. I need to find you, to see you, to know. You look at me as I wheel in and my questions are answered - the look is still there. The lust is still there. I feel it in my sex, even though I'll never feel my sex again, and I wheel up close. You reache out with your right arm and I can see the bandaged stump of your left, where you lost it just below her shoulder as the car rolled onto it. I see the heavy casts on both on both of your legs. I want you more than ever. You whisper to me 'soon'. I wheel back to my room.

I wheel into the club. The same club where it all started. I'm in a stunning black dress with red shoes that I know I shouldn't have forced onto my dead feet, but the effect is amazing. I wheel in and see you - right where I saw you the first time. You're sitting there wearing a blue dress with sleeves that don't cover your stump, the skirt short enough to give everyone a good look at the leather and steel braces that encase your legs. Fearless. Flawless. Your long auburn hair shimmers in the alternating lights of the dance floor. I wheel over and sit across from you. You smile, and it's still there, the desire, the lust, it burns between us like a bonfire. We both order sodas. You take my hand. We don't say anything.

Rant Rant Rant - you have been warned!

2011-01-05T10:43:00.005-05:00

I was going to post this as a reply to 'Anonymous' in my post about the wonderful Paraplegic brace video I just bought, but I decided it was better suited here, as it's something I'm pissed off and passionate about.

So mister 'Anonymous' said that if I had other videos from that studio, that he would love to trade videos with me. As in, not pay for premium content, just 'swap', like pokemon cards. Though unlike Pokemon cards, he wants to trade $20 videos that these people (The brace studio) are spending real money, buying medical gear and paying models and producing content for us, in order to make some money back and possibly even earn a living.
This is exactly the reason I won't do an eBook or audio version of my book, because as soon as one person has a copy they can email or FTP somewhere it gets used as currency for trading for other premium content, like videos and pictures. This is why one of my favorite sites of all time, Glass Phoenix, seems to have trouble too.
If someone - a studio or a model - is charging for content - ESPECIALLY if they're charging reasonable rates, then we have a responsibility to pay that if we expect them to keep doing it, and if we expect others to do it. Would YOU make a video if there was 100% chance it would be pirated to everyone that wanted a copy after only a handful were sold? Not a great business model there...
I'm sure one of the reasons some studios charge outrageous rates is because of the 'trading' issue - they sell five copies and suddenly 1000 devotees have a copy. They have to make their money back and if they can't count on 100 people buying it for $10 then they'll have to charge 10 people $100...

So, to wrap up my mostly incoherent rant, if more people took this seriously and refused to trade premium devotee content, if more people just paid for the videos and images they liked, I'm willing to bet more studios would do this kind of thing and charge more reasonable rates for it. I'd love for it to be as easy and affordable to get wheelchair or cast or brace fetish porn as it is to get, say, spanking or bondage fetish material. Not mainstream, of course, but not so generalyl hard to find and expensive as it is now...

All I want for Christmas....

2010-12-24T07:24:00.003-05:00

OK maybe not ALL I want for Christmas, but a friend recently turned me on to Paracuties.com, a wheelchair fetish site that currently only features one girl in one video, but she's REALLY hot, so I don't care. Check out the Youtube sample or go to their website and check out the sample photos - the look, the poses, the scenes are all pretty much spot on for any wheelchair fetishist or devotee (though I know some devotees will not like the fact that she's a pretender.)

I haven't seen the full video, so I have no idea how realistic she is throughout, but her 'leg cross' in the sample vid was hot and well done. She lacks confidence in her wheelchair use and control, but again, I love the 'new para' fantasy. There's no audio on the sample, don't know if I'd be into a whole 40+ minute video with little to no audio. Not sure about that one.

Of course I'll probably never see it, because again I have a problem with the price - at least as far as I understand it. Now $30 for a 42 minute vid DOES seem a good price, I have no problem there - I'd like it $5-$10 cheaper, sure, but that's because I'm poor. My problem is that, from what I can tell, that $30 is just a 7 day rental. You can watch your video - the one that you bought and downloaded to your own computer - for 7 days, then it apparently stops working. At least that's what I understand from reading through the website. If I'm reading something wrong here please point it out and correct me. I'd be thrilled to be wrong in this case.
I totally understand putting some kind of DRM on these videos to keep people from trading them freely - I've been part of the dev community for a long time, I know that paid for and copyrighted material gets traded like pokemon cards in this scene, and that this really hurts the businesses that are trying to provide us great material - thats why I stopped using any of the trading sites or services years ago, and I actually put my money down whenever I can to buy content and support these people. But I don't have a lot of money, and even LESS money that I can spend on fetish content, so I can't waste $30 on a hot video I only get to masturbate to for a week, and I can't go and spend $20 a month for some subscription service to see a few new pics and maybe a 3 minute video each week. Give me a 20-30 vid for $20 and make it quality, give me something I want to see, I'll buy it in a heartbeat. Give me the ability to buy it via PayPal or make the CC receipt something really innocuous and nondescript, and I don't even have to ask Heather for permission, so we ALL win there....
Anyway I guess this turned into more of a rant that I had thought it would, but I hope it made some sense...

Happy Holidays All!!!

So what's up with the book?

2010-12-23T12:33:00.002-05:00

I've had a number of emails this week asking about my book, as they (correctly) assumed that since I was once again becoming active online and posting new fiction to my blog, that I'd reached some kind of 'milestone'. Well, you're right.

Some history to any new readers - A while ago I announced that I would be working on a book of short stories that I hoped to publish and maybe even make a little money doing this 'thing' I love so much (and have done for over 10 years for free). Since then there hasn't been much activity related to the book - or my blog, it seems - so it makes sense that people do ask me what ever happened to that?

Well, I did 'finish' a book in September. At least it was a collection of short stories written by me that I was originally going to send to a vanity press type publisher. But then I read it, end to end, every single word of it, and I hated it.

Oh, I didn't hate the stories - they were really good, some of my best. But they all needed something more - that final polish you'd expect from a book you find in a bookstore. They were fine for posting to my totally free website, but I knew if I wanted people to actually buy it and pay me money, I would need to make it better.

Starting in October I dove back in and have been meticulously editing, spell checking, and re-editing every story, as well as coming up with some new stuff. Along the way, and talking to several friends online, I was coming up with a better plan/strategy around the book as well. Originally I was going to make it a very obviously 'DEVOTEE' book, with a wheelchair girl on the cover and a title like 'Hot Sexy Handicapped Chicks' or something equally tacky. But being so open and obvious might be a detractor for a lot of people who are still very much 'in the closet' as far as their devotee/wannabe/fetish feelings. How can you openly read a book that's so obviously fetish related? So now I'm working with a much more subtle cover and a much more subtle title (Current working title is 'We like it when you stare' but I'm not married to it yet)

I'm also planning for a very 'receipt-friendly' purchase plan, so 'Bob's house of Porn' doesn't show up on credit card receipts. I know there are some times where I would sneak in a video purchase if it didn't show up on the joint bank account as something obviously fetish/dev related. Spending $15 at Amazon is a lot easier to cover up than spending $15 at 'Paragirls Fetish store' you know? It will also be very reasonably priced - I don't believe in the '$100 for 10 minutes' pricing plan that seems so popular (mostly because I have a shitty job and I'm poor). I honestly believe that if I price this book at $15 or less, sure I won't make a ton per copy, but I trust that I'll sell a lot more copies.

So what's in the book? Well, I've got some edited and expanded versions of some of my most popular stories, including the COMPLETE stories for 'A New Arrangement' and 'Keep it in the Family' (you're going to LOVE those! I Do!) as well as a ton of new stories. I've got all my usual categories too - romance, erotic, kinky, para, quad, amputee, brace, diaper, some blindness, casts... it's a good mix and should certainly have something for everyone.

So when is this all happening? With the rate I've been able to work on it, and taking into account the current holiday season, I'm anticipating I'll have my first draft submitted by late January, and then hopefully have it available for sale by the end of February. I know that's still a while, but writing a book you can be proud of takes a LOT of work. Trust me.

so there you have it, that's the current 'State of the Union' for my first ever attempt at publishing. I hope people are really excited for this, I know now that I'm nearing the finish line with a product I really really love, I'm getting really excited! Also I hope that I sell more than three copies, because if I don't sell a bunch of these, I'm going to be really depressed. No pressure or anything....

Anyway, hope you like the new stuff I'm posting, feel free to drop me a line!!

Cathy

New Story - A Stepmother's Love

2010-12-22T10:50:00.003-05:00

I was reading one of my Yahoo grouns (yes, some people still use those - seems so quaint now) and in the Wheelchair Fiction group there was a small story fragment posted, called 'Loving my Stepmother' - well it was a short thing with no real story and no author, but it was a cool idea and kind of sexy (well, if you're into that sort of thing - I am, of course) so I decided to re-write it my own way.
I posted this earlier in the week to the Wheelchair Fiction group but got no response - those Yahoo groups are pretty dead now - so I've re-edited it a little and I'll post it here for people to enjoy! Hope you like it!

A Stepmother’s Love by ParaCathy

It was raining, I remember that, thick sheets of rain that beat against the windows and roof and coiled around us like shimmering ropes. Helen, my stepmother and only remaining family, cursed under her breath as she tapped the brakes and skirted around the edge of a substantial puddle.

It was my fault we were on the road in such a downpour - I had detention for cutting class, a cheap senior year stunt that landed me in the principals' office yet again. Because of that, Helen had to come pick me up, and I could tell she was annoyed.

We had a decent relationship overall, my stepmother and I, though I never did get around to calling her ‘mom’, even after ten years. Naturally as a parent it always made her mad when I acted out, when I got into trouble. I was entitled, at least in my head - I had lost my father to cancer only a year before, after all, and I was still coming to terms with it. Sure she had lost a husband, the only man she had ever loved, but in my mind that didn’t matter, my loss was greater, my grief deeper.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard Helen gasp, felt the car hydroplane, heard that gut-wrenching sound as the car got hit by - or hit - some object in the rain. I’d like to say I stayed calm as the car spun and then then seemed to almost float in mid air, but I know I screamed in terror, and then we hit again, and then...

How does one describe waking up in the hospital after a severe injury? To say I was disoriented was a huge understatement. Between the numerous injuries and the plethora of drugs they were pumping into me, I had a hard time remembering my own name, never mind where I was or what I was doing there.

My first memory, my first real, concrete memory after the accident was seeing the thin hospital bedsheet fall down around the small round ‘thing’ that should have been my left thigh. I then saw, in stark contrast, the massive elevated cast on my right leg and the way my foot seemed somehow ‘wrong’ in the heavy plaster dressings.

Helen visited me some time after that, I can’t recall the specifics but I do remember her being wheeled in. I learned from the nurses that she was both more and less fortunate than I was, not requiring any surgery and not even losing any blood, but... I remember seeing her in her wheelchair, seeing the way she sat, braced up, the stark white compression stockings and wide, soft booties on her legs and feet doing nothing to hide their obvious and pronounced uselessness.

We held hands and I think I cried, I cant recall clearly. The long weeks in the hospital blurred together so much, and I know there was a lot of crying for both of us. I remember seeing my stump, the remains of my left leg, so small and round and neat. I remember my right leg coming out of the cast and knowing, just knowing that I needn’t worry about learning to use crutches. My leg, my crippled little foot, weren’t going to support me, I was sure of that.

Helen progressed very well through rehab and was practically an expert wheelchair user before I was even well enough to start my own training, but she was there beside me, helping me to re-learn so many daily tasks from my wheelchair. Un-assisted I couldn’t even stand on my right leg, but with a heavy steel and leather caliper with a custom orthopedic shoe I had received late in my rehab training, I did manage to stand and take a few tentative, wobbly steps, Helen cheering me the whole way. It was very difficult work, naturally, and before my first day of training was over I was convinced that a wheelchair would be my primary mode of ambulation from that point forward.

Homecoming was bittersweet. After nearly half a year away, I returned to find the place I had called home since birth utterly and completely changed to adapt to our new conditions. Gone were the warm brick steps and rich wood door, replaced by a new concrete wheelchair ramp and a steel auto-opening doorway. As soon as I got inside the changes were even more profound - the kitchen and dining room had changed completely, the living room had new furniture, the layout was wide open to accommodate two wheelchair-bound women.
The bathroom was the biggest change, as it was completely unrecognizable. Specially adapted toilet, shower, grab bars... the list went on. I knew we needed all of this now, to stay independent and safe, but it was just another reminder of how the life we used to have was now over. I ran my hands over the cool metal grab bars and the smooth white porcelain sinks and looked in the mirror, specially mounted and angled so that I could see myself properly.

My red hair was much longer than I used to keep it, but I liked it, though I’d probably go for a style soon. My body - what I could see of it in the mirror, the parts above my waist - looked toned and firm from all the rehab, my face had a healthy glow despite of the situation. My eyes were sad, though... they looked older than they should.

I parked my wheelchair in my room; it had changed in some ways, to allow me to get around and dress in my wheelchair, but overall it was the same and for the first time since I got home, the first time since my terrible accident, I felt a connection to the life I used to have, a life with two healthy legs and a stepmother who could walk...

It all hit me then, the weight of it all, my disability, Helen’s paralysis, so much had happened, and I finally just broke down, sobbing into my hands as I sat there.

I didn’t hear Helen wheel up behind me, but I felt her arms around me, felt her stroking my hair, comforting me. She said she understood, and I knew she really did, her legs were useless, she was confined to a wheelchair forever, like I was.

I’m not even sure what came over me - I think I just wanted to be closer to her, not having our wheelchairs blocking that close physical contact, but I transferred into her paralyzed lap and rested my head against her large, soft breasts and closed my eyes, feeling her stroke my hair. I heard her heartbeat and felt her warm breast under my cheeks and it made me happy, it warmed me, it pushed away the bad feelings, it...

I suddenly felt strange, I was having a hard time understanding the sensation, but as my stepmother stroked my hair and ran her soft hand across my cheek, I recognized arousal, and I felt it from us both. I moved a hand closer to Helen’s large breast, brushing the dusty brown areola around her nipple through her shirt, and her heartbeat and breathing quickened noticeably.

I don’t know why neither of us said anything; maybe we couldn’t, maybe our combined grief over our situations made us crave any kind of pleasurable contact, any positive experience, but whatever the reason the last taboo was shattered as Helen - the only mother I knew from the time I was eight years old - had unbuttoned her blouse and exposed her large, full, pillow-like breasts. Without thinking and with no hesitation I placed my lips upon the closest nipple and began to suckle it greedily, my hands fondling and caressing it as Helen moaned.

As I suckled and fondled her breasts I felt Helen’s smooth warm hands slip under my t-shirt and slip the clasp of my Victoria Secret bra. I felt her cup and caress my breasts as I kissed and sucked hers, my heart pounding like Japanese drummers and my hands shaking, and suddenly I felt my bladder empty in a warm, wet stream, through my panties, over my stump, and down my stepmother’s limp, crippled legs. Instead of embarrassment, though, there was a deep sense of relief and, dare I say, satisfaction, and Helen moaned softly as well, hearing me pee on her more than actually feeling the warm liquid stream down her limp legs.

“I think maybe you need some protection now, baby.” Helen said, seeing the puddle below us both. “I’ll get you one of my diapers and then we’ll get this little accident cleaned up.”
I’m not sure I can adequately describe the excitement I felt at those words, and I really can’t explain why they affected me so much, but I wriggled on my stepmother’s lap as she continued to play with my breasts, then moved to caress my stump.

We held one another there in a near post-coital embrace for some time, I lost track, and then finally I transferred out of Helen’s lap and stripped off my soiled clothes and she told me to lay in bed as she wheeled out of the room. She returned a few minutes later, also stripped of her wet slacks and blouse and now wearing only white compression stockings and a fresh diaper.

She wheeled beside my bed and washed me carefully with moist wipes and I yearned for her touch. She maneuvered a bulky padded diaper, too large for me but still wonderful, between my crippled leg and my stump. As she fastened it securely, unable to help myself, I came with a warm, forceful orgasm that made me moan and made my stump twitch and bob about. Helen patted my diaper-padded sex with a smile.

“That’s my baby, you’ll be fine now...” she said, then stroked my crippled foot and played with my curled toes a little, moaning as she did so.

“We’ll be fine, mommy.” I said, unable to help myself as I lay there, reaching out to caress her limp, paralyzed thigh...

Happy Masturbation Monday!!

2010-12-20T11:38:00.002-05:00

Happy Masturbation Monday!! I had a pretty busy weekend, with lots of work (racking up the OT) plus a nice family holiday get-together, then last night - since it was pretty much the only time Heather and I had for ‘us’ time - turned into a pretty intense evening of fetish roleplay, including myself roleplaying slowly (over the course of maybe an hour?) going blind, to the point where I was completely blindfolded and feeling my way around. Of course Heather was a little tipsy (OK half a bottle of Zin, she was more than ‘a little’) and didn’t want me using my hands, so she bandaged them both into stumps and made me learn to use my feet for everything - of course ‘everything’ in this case equated to playing with her tits and fucking her with a vibrator and with my toes. Overall it was a very hot evening.

This morning I’m in a very naughty mood - between last night and the fact that I have a very well lubed vibrating butt plug in my bottom as I sit here in my wheelchair, diapered and very horny - and I actually came up with a kind of twisted hetero-ish story idea, so here you go ;)

Backdoor Love

“No Jim, it hurts, it’s really uncomfortable - I don’t want to do it! Why do you keep asking?” Amber sighed as she waled away. Jim followed her into the kitchen, trying to talk sweetly but, as usual, failing.
“It feels really good though...”
“Maybe for you!” she cut him off. “For me it’s your big cock pressed into my ass making me feel like I’ve been constipated for a week! how is that at ALL sexy or appealing?”
“We can take it slower this time, Amber - really gentle. I can guarantee it won’t hurt at all this time” he came up right behind her, stroking her hair. She could feel his hot breath on her neck, feel his cock against the small of her back. It made her knees weak.
“How can you say it’s not going to hurt?” she asked him, but she could feel her resolve weaken with every work. She really was horny; between their crazy work schedules it had been over a week since they’d fucked.
“I found a new technique.” he said softly, his deep voice in her ear, his musky smell teasing at her nostrils. Her panties were so wet. “And I’ll get you off first, too - we can use the Hitachi.”
“How about your tongue?” she asked softly.
“Anything you want, lover.” he said, and they were making their way to the bedroom, clothes dropping to the floor as the went.
Jim was true to his word, digging his face between her legs, kissing and licking and sucking on her clit while Amber writhed with pleasure. She felt him slip a lubed finger into her ass and ti felt good, it felt really good, there was no denying it. She came hard a number of times, moaning and panting and finally screaming in pleasure as Jim tongued her deep as he played with her ass. Her back arched, legs splayed, and then she finally pushed his face away, his touches now almost painful on her hyper-sensitive sex.
To his credit, Jim gave her as much time as she needed to catch her breath, and it was she who spoke first.
“So about this new technique, the ‘pain free’ one.” she said, trying to keep her voice even - it was hard. Jim had what she knew was definitely an above-average cock, possibly porn star big when he was fully erect, and anal with him always seemed like it would be more than uncomfortable - she looked at the purple head of his throbbing member and felt that it might even be completely impractical, if not impossible.
“Don’t worry Amber - like I said, it won’t hurt at all. Let’s position you.” and he piled a stack of pillows and helped her onto it, laying face down, the pillows providing very comfortable support for her. She let him spread her legs and position her and she buried her face into the soft sheets as she felt his finger slip the hot, wet lube into her ass. She was still so wet and aroused, she moaned as she felt his finger inside her. He slapped her ass playfully and then pinched her, then massaged her ass and thighs firmly, yet sensually. she moaned again and told him to take her, to fuck her hard. He moaned and she felt his strong hands grasp her waist, and then....
She felt him rocking her body, heard his thighs slapping against her ass, heard his grunts and moans, but there was no discomfort, no painful entry, there wasn’t really any sensation at all. Her fears alieved, she started getting into it, moaning and telling him how good he felt - even though she didn’t really feel him, which was a little odd - until she felt his grip tighten on her hips and he moaned and then practically roared as he came into her ass. At least she assumed he came into her ass, but she still really couldn't tell.
“Oh my god baby that was so good.” Amber said as he rolled beside her, breathing heavy. She tried to get off the pillows but she couldn’t - she felt almost like she was stuck.
“Your ass feels so good baby, mmmm.” Jim said, running his hands through her hair.
“It didn’t hurt at all, either.” Amber said, finally spilling sideways off the pillows and plopping next to him. “What did you do?”
“Used a special lube.” he said. “Found it online. It was a bitch to get, it’s not even legal in the states I guess, and it says you’ve got to wear a condom with it, but man, it felt so good! And didn’t hurt you?”
“I barely even felt it.” Amber said, but rapidly becoming concerned. “You say it’s not even available in the US?”
“No, I got it shipped from Germany, and THEY got it from like Sri Lanka or some shit. What’s wrong hon?” he saw the look of concern on amber’s face.
“Did it mention anything about possible side effects?” Amber said, rubbing her pussy and looking at her toes in concentration.

A few weeks later...
Amber looked in the full length mirror in the bathroom - she wore very sexy stockings under knee-height steel and leather braces, which were attached to black patent Mary Jane style shoes. She also wore a rather bulky adult diaper, and nothing else. She smiled at her reflection, grabbed her crutches and slowly crutched out of the bathroom, her legs still not very keen on obeying her commands, making her do a kind of ‘crutch-and-drag’ down the hallway to the bedroom where Jim waited.
“Hey lover.” she whispered as she crutched up to him. He stroked her thigh and then helped her onto the bed. He went to slip her diaper off, but she stopped him.
“mmm not yet Jim.” she said with a flirtatious giggle. “Start with my braces - you know how fond I’ve become of my nappys.”
Jim moaned and kissed her thigh before starting to remove her leg braces. “I know baby, I love them too, and everything that’s under them...”
Amber moaned as Jim spread her legs for her and slipped the leg braces off. She reached over and grabbed his hard cock and stroked it, he shuddered.
“I want you so bad.” he said, and she smiled and helped him pile supportive pillows. As he helped her get on the pillows and spread her legs, the feet floppy now, mostly useless.
“So pull off my diaper and stick your rock hard cock in my ass...” she moaned, hearing him rip off the diaper almost before she was done saying it.
“It’s amazing how much a little backdoor action can spice up your love life.” he said as he slipped his lubed cock into her.
“Well, that plus the partial nerve damage and the discovery of my diaper fetish and your disability fetish.” she said, reaching between her legs and rubbing her half-numb clit. “Now fuck me with that hard cock...”
She moaned as Jim fucked her unfeeling ass and she fingered herself, trying to find just the right spot. After some experimentation she finally came, almost simultaneously with Jim, and felt a warm stream of pee flow from her paralyzed bladder. Both moaned and collapsed, panting heavy.

Want more??

My Christmas Present - Paraplegic Jackie in Milwaukee Brace

2010-12-17T10:05:00.004-05:00

so there was a new video on YouTube that caught my eye recently, a very cute girl (with an adorable Lesbian haircut, I might add) in a heavy Milwaukee brace and using a wheelchair. the youtube clip interested and excited me enough to go to the advertised Clips4Sale website and then beg Heather to let me spend the $20 for the full half hour movie.

Now as many of my long time readers know, the last time I bought a fetish video online, from Premium Pretenders, I was terribly disappointed. It just wasnt' quite as awesome as I would have liked, I really felt kind of ripped off.

I'm VERY pleased to say that this video was completely the opposite - I LOVE it, and it really turned me on. It's not the 'perfect' authentic new para experience I have so often envisioned and fantasized about, but it's really close, and I think the only reason the model sometimes uses her legs (though she uses them in pretty authentically crippled ways, if that makes sense) is that she's asked to do things (like a shower transfer) that no new para in a giant body brace could realistically accomplish without assistance. It was nice to see her struggle through it though.

That's one really nice theme throughout the video that I haven't seen in many other pretender fetish videos - the struggle. This girl is really heavily braced in her full, thighs - to - chin Milwaukee brace, and she's unable to move her head or torso at all and most of the time her legs are useless as well. She struggles to even wheel herself in the hospital rental wheelchair they have her in, and even though I usually don't like those, in this case it adds to the authenticity - in my mind, getting into the fantasy, she's so recently paralyzed that she hasn't even gotten her fancy permanant chair yet, stuggling for every movement and every inch she wheels. It's really nice - at least for someone into that, like I am.

Highlights for me include the very short (too short, really) opening scene that looks like a medical exam, someone pokign her feet with a medical instrument and getting no response - that got me wet immidiately, I just wish there had been a little dialog sayign something like 'I'm afraid the paralysis is complete' or some other dire diagnnosis informing her of her newly crippled condition. There are also some nice bed-to-wheelchair transfers as well as a REALLY sexy 'putting on high heeled shoes' scene that even Heather was pretty hot over.

I guess the only things that would have mde it a full '10' rating would be a diaper (she's very newly para, I think it would be appropriate, and you know me and my diapers...) a little more of that initial 'exam' scene, maybe asking her to wiggle her toes or something, and of course a little less of the scenes that she just couldn't have accomplished as a new, fully braced para. Maybe add in an extra model in a nurses uniform to assist with things like that.

So there you have it - the first para pretender fetish video I've ever bought that I am pretty much completely happy with! I'd give a 9 out of 10 orgasms!!

Final disclaimer - I am not a paid spokesperson for this fetish store/stuido, I DID pay full price for this, this is a completely honest and legitamate review and it 100% my own opinon.
However, if there are any fetish studios who want to give me wannabe/pretender/para fetish videos for free, I openly admit I am a whore and will happily schlock your stuff for you...

TLC show looking to do a segment on devotees

2010-11-11T15:03:00.004-05:00

So I have been contacted by the below person, Michelle, who represents the Learning Channel show 'Strange Sex' - she requested I be part of the segment, but for obvious reasons I cannot. However she asked that if I could point any Devotees in her direction, so here it is - casting call for devotees. I'll let you read how she described the program to me. If you're interested, all her contact info is listed below - be polite and only contact her if you're genuinely interested and can be part of the show. Thanks!! I know I for one really want to see this show!

________________________________________________

My name is Michele and I am a casting producer for a medical series on TLC called "Strange Sex." The series, now entering its second season, highlights unusual sexual conditions and lifestyles, with a goal of educating the viewer and shedding light on a little understood, real-life condition or situation. We know that topics we explore might be shared among members of our audience who'd appreciate the subjects being brought to light, and the erasing of any misconceptions or myths.

As we gear up for our new season, we are looking at a number of topics to explore in our episodes, among them, someone who considers themselves a devotee.

Ideally, we are looking for someone who lives in the United States. We'd like to speak about appearing in our program, since our goal is to provide context for the person's story and education to our viewers. We tell the story in a respectful and sensitive manner. We don't even have a narrator for this show -- the stories are told in the words of the people profiled.

I wanted to reach out to you to see if you might be interested in talking about your situation and the devotee community, and to learn more about our program.

Many thanks - I look forward to connecting.

--
Michele Spinak
Sirens Media
Email: strangesexcasting@gmail.com
office: 301-920-9860
cell: 301-792-9784
fax: 301-920-9880

I guess it's been a while...

2010-11-11T07:39:00.005-05:00

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I posted - sorry about that. I was getting better at it for a while...

So I've been writing more lately, but most of it has been for the book, which is actually looking pretty great, just slow going. Harder to write a novel then I thought... I'm writing some other stories as special requests, too, but they also requested I not post those publicly so for now, no new story here. Sorry about that. I do take requests though, and I especially love writing stories based on pictures, I've had some great success there :)

So instead of a full story I'll tell you about what Heather and I did this past weekend, I think my fans will enjoy the tale ;)

I was in my wheelchair and Heather had bought me a new pair of very sexy stockings. She slowly, sensually pulled them up onto my legs, one at a time -it was so sexy! Then she layed on the living room floor, on her back, and told me to wheel over to her. I parked my wheelchair right at her head and used my hands to lift my limp, useless legs and put my feet right on her face. She loved it, she kissed and licked and caressed my feet as I sat there in my wheelchair, she told me how soft and sexy they felt to her, and kept telling me how limp and crippled they felt, how I'd never feel her touches again...
After a little while I was just so turned on I couldn't help it, I reached into my diaper and started fingering myself - I came so hard as Heather worshipped my feet and told me how crippled I was, it was intense...

Hope you liked it as much as I did ;)

Blog: My life so far...

2010-08-26T13:44:00.000-04:00

My life so far

So I got a good email from a reader, ‘Wishful Wannabe’, asking more about my current situation and what it’s like now to be ‘living the dream’, so I figured I’d do a blog post about it.

First off I want to say that I am NOT a ‘wannabe who finally got her wish’. I’m still very much a pretender, it’s just that now I have the ability to pretend in public, at work, with friends and family, and can get away with it, so it’s definitely wonderful and awesome, but not the ‘nirvana’ of reaching my true wannabe goals. Even after 3 years as a mostly full time wheeler my legs aren’t atrophied and I can still stand up and walk whenever I want to (which isn’t often)

For those that don’t know the story, a little over 3 years ago I was in a car accident with Heather, my partner. It was a serious accident, the car was totaled, but thanks to modern car safety devices we both walked away more or less unscathed – I had a minor sprained wrist and we both had a few minor scrapes and bruises, nothing worse than that. However, I used that accident to say that I ‘hurt my back’ – the eternal generic malady – and that I couldn’t stand or walk for more than a few minutes without considerable discomfort, and only sitting was comfortable for me. Officially I have an issue with ‘chronic back pain’ and am under the care of a chiropractor. Because chiropractors are not covered by my work insurance, there are no red flags or odd questions from work, and since my job is sitting at a desk answering a phone, there’s no need for special adaptive anything – using a wheelchair at work is literally no different than spraining my ankle and needing crutches. It might even be easier to manage than that, actually.

So work has not been an issue – they even let me park in the front handicapped spots, which I don’t worry about since I work nights and they don’t’ get used by anyone else. People were curious and concerned at first, but after 4 or 6 weeks it was just the way things were – I became ‘the woman in the wheelchair’, which is a title I genuinely love . Family has been another matter altogether, however. My mom is somewhat apathetic over the whole thing by now, it’s just ‘the way it is’ and she has a daughter in a wheelchair. Of course to be fair, she has far more issues with her daughter being in a long term relationship with another woman than being ‘disabled’. The chair has been an ongoing issue with one of my aunts, though, who seems to have a deep fear of handicapped people as far as I can tell. If she’s going to be at a family gathering I won’t even go - even after three years she’s still freaking out over the chair and I just don’t want to deal with it. It’s not like she was my favorite aunt, but oddly she was probably the most supportive when I came out as a lesbian, so it’s weird not being on speaking terms with her over a wheelchair…

Heather loves it – she’s always enjoyed me being in my wheelchair and she’s actually thrilled we got into the accident so I could ‘live the dream’ as odd as that sounds. One thing she loves is that, without walking or wearing ‘hard shoes’ my feet are always soft and supple – she’s a hardcore foot fetishist and foot worshipper, so she loves pampering my feet and loves how soft and ‘unused’ they are. She’ll give me pedicures and foot rubs and put soft socks and stockings on for me. If I wear shoes to work she’ll take them off as soon as I get home (assuming she’s still up) and rub my feet or put nice slippers on me. She’s into other disabilities, too – something that she came to terms with after we were together for a while. She really finds blind women sexy. The dark glasses, walking with the white cane, feeling their way through the world. It’s not my cup of tea, to be honest, but I do find it sexy playing blind girl for her sometimes. Being blind is very different from anything else I do and the lack of vision makes things kind of exciting and – sexually – very erotic.
Since she is so into my feet and knows I’m into disabilities, we started playing with me as an arm amputee – either above or below elbow - so I’d still be ‘disabled’ but could use my feet to play with her, use them to try to do things, etc… that has actually become one of the most erotic things we do together – I think because we both find it really erotic for ourselves and we’re not just doing it because our partner likes it, you know?

So it might sound like I have the perfect life for a pretender and wannabe, and in many ways it is, sure. I get to live 95% of my life in my wheelchair and the other 5% I get out of it by choice. But like everyone I think there are things that could still be better and if I had a magic wand and could just make wishes I’d probably make a few changes, sure…

First, I’d really be a para. I love being in my wheelchair, but I have so many fantasies about REALLY being para – my legs numb and lifeless and atrophied, pussy numb, the whole deal. It’s such a strong fantasy for me that just being in my chair sometimes isn’t enough. Sometimes I just want it to be completely real so if I wanted to get up out of this wheelchair, I couldn’t, my legs would just sit there dead and crippled.
Next, Heather would love to pretend or even want to become disabled. The only part of our relationship that I’m not completely thrilled with is that she simply will not pretend for me. Nothing – not crutches, not blind, not amputee, not even a sprained ankle. I get REALLY turned on by other disabled women so this is a drawback – but a MINOR one. In every other way she’s amazing and I lover her with all my heart, but if she’d pretend to be in a wheelchair for me it would be even better…
The last big thing would be money. I know I’ve complained about it before, but I am just broke all the time. I work a pretty dead end job, I’ve been doing it for years and still make less than $14 an hour. That basically pays for my car payment, insurance, and the rest goes to chip into the apartment, utilities, and some day we’d like to have a house together, or at least a condo. A condo seems appropriate for a lesbian couple who are both femme… Can’t really picture Heather swinging a hammer to fix the leaky roof, you know? So with lots more money, I think I’d buy braces, and a new wheelchair, and probably even a power wheelchair since Heather says it would look like I was on a throne…
I do still have a lot of fantasies about being helpless, and darker fantasies about being helpless and abused – something Heather just can’t get into. It’s understandable – not many people can get into that headspace, it’s just a place I like to go in my darker fantasies. But if I had that magic wand I’d probably do something about that – play out more of those fantasies somehow. We tried it once and, well, I guess it didn’t go exactly as I expected, for better or for worse, but believe it or not I still look back on it and get really wet…

So what’s next for me? I’m still writing and trying to put together a good book that people will buy. I have dreams of it becoming a runaway best seller in the devotee/pretender/wannabe market and making me tons of money, but realistically I might make enough for a few new toys, or maybe just get ahead on bills and put some cash into savings. Who knows. But I’ve got to get it done, which is why I haven’t posted much as of late. I’m writing up a storm but it’s all for the book, so I need to go over it again and again to make sure it’s great. Type-os and stuff in my blog are no big deal – it’s free, you get what you pay for. If I’m asking $10 or $15 for a book, I think people would expect it to be well written, properly edited, etc…

That’s all I’ve got for now, but people sending me questions and story ideas are REALLY helping me now, so if you want to make suggestions or ask questions or send me pornographic material, feel free! I love that stuff, I really do!!

Better to be Thin

2010-07-12T16:31:00.002-04:00

So I've been reading a lot lately about various diet pills and even popular low calroie sweeteners like Aspartame, and how very, very bad they are for us, yet we - and by 'we' I do lump in most women - will still take them, try them, use them no matter what because let's face it, most women will do ANYTHING to be thinner and sexier... So I had this weird idea about 'how far would a woman go to be thin and beautiful' and then 'What if that trend caught on?' - well, the story below is what happens there...

_________________________________________________________

Better to be thin than.... By ParaCathy

It started right after the holidays with a massive ad-blitz campaign for ‘ReJoi’, an ‘herbal cream rub’ that reduced sub-dermal fat and cellulite the ‘natural and safe’ way. It was an instant smash hit - it flew off the shelves like bottled water in the Gobi desert and stores - even major chain retailers - could not keep it stocked. One reason for this was, unlike every other ‘acai berry’ fly by night quack remedy, ReJoi seemed to work - and work well - especailly around the hips, thighs, and stomach areas. It was like a miracle drug, and women all over the country were using it daily and seeing really impressive results.

In March the first reports started coming out, warnings about ‘rare side effects’ that included nerve de-sensitization in the areas the cream was used. There was not much coverage on these claims and ReJoi continued to be a nationwide best seller, with women singing it’s praises far and wide. In apparently unrelated news, the spring fashion circuit across the US featured bold new designs in boots, with many new thigh-high designs, most adorned with brightly colored plastic or metallic plates that made the boots look almost rigid...

Though Summer bikini season saw an unprecedented rise in web discussion praising ReJoi for helping literally millions of women get into the most slinky and revealing new swimsuit designs, it also saw very few people actually going to the beaches. Reasons given were varied, from the hotter than average heat waves to the unnaturally cool temperatures to fear of shark attack, but beach useage was confirmed by the national park services to be at an all time low for the months of July and August. In unrelated US fashion news, silver-tipped canes, in clear acrylic or gloss ebony black, were fast becoming the hottest fashion trends among women, along with multiple new lines of the ultra-trendy thigh-high boots.

As the heat of summer chilled to early fall, late September brought new warnings to ReJoi related to prolonged useage, but it was still selling millions of units a week to women who could not stop praising it’s almost miraculous abilities to melt away heavy thighs and wide calves, slim down bellys and eradicate love handles. The fall fashionistas, always on the cutting edge of new style, were sporting ultra-thin slacks and stockings, as well as an update to the ‘silver cane’ trend, using a pair of custom, designer canes in multiple fashion colors and styles that matched the trendy new boot styles and what was fast becoming known as the ‘Ginger Leg’ style movement. Several pop divas and one Hollywood starlet came out with their own branded ‘cane’ fashion accessories and were seen using them in public at major events. Their legs and thighs, it might be added, were gorgeously thin and tapered perfectly as they swung along with their canes...

Winter snows brought with them a white-hot controversy as multiple health organizations pressured the government to ban the sales of ReJoi due to the severe health risks it posed to women. Images were splashed across the television news and Internet of women and even teen girls laying in bed, their legs numb and useless due to prolonged use of ReJoi. IT was confirmed, by the revelation of hidden corporate documents, that there were, in fact, multiple known health risks from prolonged use of ReJoi, including partial or complete paralysis. The more the pictures flashed actoss the media, though, of those thin legs, slender hips, and flat and toned stomachs, ReJoi actually saw a significant spike in sales. Women from all walks of life spoke out an hearings and town hall meetings, on the radio and on TV, some of them confined to wheelchairs, others on crutches. All of them were unanimous in their pleas - DO NOT BAN ReJoi!! Side effects or not, it is a miracle drug, and women, above all else, want to be thin and beautiful!

Spring fashion week in LA was held not in it’s usual classic fashion theater, but in the larger - and completely wheelchair accessible - convention center downtown. The top designers made a huge splash with amazing size zero couture worn by amazingly thin and beautiful models, all sporting the latest designer trend - fabulous mobility enhancers, sleek wheeled chairs created by the top design houses and branded with things like Gucci and Dolce & Gabana. These were snapped up in record numbers by women all around the country who, of course, wanted to emulate the top fashion trends.

Ramps into buildings soon became a hot trend and no store, restaraunt or boutique owner would dare have even a single short step up into their establishment, for fear of community backlash by the internet savvy fashion bloggers and trendsetters. Workplaces and even public spaces soon followed suit, as the growing trend encouraged more and more fashion-conscious women to start using the fashionable and trendy ‘mobility enhancers’, which themselves soon because almost as big a business as ReJoi itself.

It’s summer now and the beaches - the ones that were carefully paved and made accessible to the fashion conscious, anyway - are full of beautiful, thin women, wheeling themselves about and laughing and splashing as they sit in the water. Happy, smiling families with mothers and even daughters sitting there in their fancy fashion chairs, pushed by loving husbands or boyfriends, applying suntan lotion - ReJoi brand, of course - to their thin and unfeeling legs.

And me? Well, since my car accident seven years ago, I guess I’ve been very ‘fashionable’ - a trend-setter, even, with my thin, lifeless paralyzed legs... Of course since ‘ReJoi’ things have gotten lots better. I can get easy wheelchair access pretty much wherever I need to go, the ‘Fashion Accessible’ parking is now almost completely prevalent, and I don’t need to ask ‘do you have a ramp’ before I go out to a restaurant. People don’t stare at me with pity as I wheel down the street - in fact I’m often complemented on my very fashionable accessories, like my custom sport wheelchair and my very thin and sexy legs. Guys love my legs now, and most women I meet are jealous of them. I can see them eying me and planning to slather on another bottle of ReJoi as soon as they get home, to make their legs just a LITTLE thinner...

And so I drive home, to my very large, very expensive home in the suburbs. Oh yes - I guess my life has taken another turn for the better, when you think about it. My advanced degree in chemistry finally paid off, you see, with this wonderful and highly effective formula for reducing sub-dermal fat and cellulite... It’s selling quite well, too...

Flash Fiction - First Time for Everything

2010-05-21T14:43:00.005-04:00

First Time for Everything By ParaGirl

For Bobbi, because I cant' get this out of my head now....

I don't know why I answered the ad. It's not my thing, never has been - really. If you had told me a year ago - hell, even a month ago - that I would be doing this, I'd have laughed. No - I would have probably yelled at you and maybe even spat some expletives. Tonight though....

I'm a lesbian - always have been. Not some trucker dyke - not that there's anything wrong with them - but a real femme lesbian. Designer skirts and dresses, fancy shoes, long, full hair. And my wheelchair of course. I'm in a wheelchair for pleasure, I have a real fetish for being in a wheelchair and for women in wheelchairs. It's my 'thing' - some girls like boobs or legs or hair. I like wheelchairs. Girls in wheelchairs. I think it's sexy...

So I get to the hotel where we agreed to meet - a nice place with big rooms and a jacuzzi tub - and check in. Becca is already there, room 301. The cute redhead conceirge hands me a key card with a smile and directs me to the elevators. I smile back and wheel up to the wide metal doors and press the button. The doors open and I wheel inside, turning on the spot and pressing the 3 button. The doors slip shut silently and the elevator lurches upwards.

I look in the mirror that lines the elevator wall. I'm wearing a knockout black dress with subtle accents of silver. My bulky diaper is just visible through the soft silky material and my legs are clad in very expensive black stockings and ballet slippers on my feet. The slippers were a request by my Becca - I guess she has a thing for them. I was happy to oblige.

As the doors slid open I looked once more - my shoulder length auburn hair was full and lush, my makeup perfect, my eyes sparkling. I was still hesitant though, still unsure, my motivations clear yet... unclear at the same time.

Room 301 was the first door on the right and I slipped the electronic key card into the door slot and heard the soft click of the lock opening. I pushed the door open easily and wheeled into the large, fancy, well lit suite.

Becca was there, in her wheelchair, smiling at me - she also looked nervous, but excited as well. She looked to my feet immidiately and I saw the color raise in her cheeks. She was wearing a pretty knee length skirt and designer blouse, thigh high stockings, and red patent stilettos - my request to her.

"Hi, I'm Cathy." I said lamely, smiling at her. She was even more beautiful than in the pics she had sent me. Amazing. Her legs were obviously paralyzed for real and I knew they had been for over six years, a bad car accident. Her face was soft and sensual, her eyes big and pretty, staring at me deeply and, if I wasn't mistaken, longingly.

"I'm Becca.." she said with a nervous giggle. "I just wanted to say, I've never done this kind of thing...."

"I know, Becca - neither of us have, it's OK. Want a drink? We should loosen up a bit, I think..."

"Sure." Becca said, smiling again. "You really are pretty."

"Thanks, you're goregeous." I said honestly. "Your pics did you no justice."

"And am I...." she said nervously and spun side to side in her chair.

"Oh yes, your legs are lovely, just perfect." I grinned.

"Oh, and though I usually dont, this is for you." She said and lifted her skirt. I could see the bulky depends diaper poking between her legs. I moaned in spite of myself.

We opened a bottle of wine and chatted a little, but neithe rof us really said much. As the wine warmed me and I kept looking at Becca, at her wheelchair, her legs, I was getting more and more aroused. I could tell Becca was the same - she kept lookign at my feet in their satin ballet slippers - brand new ones, too, they'd never even touched the floor.

Finally I lifted one leg with both hands and made a show of plopping it limply in Becca's lap. She smiled and started playing with my ballet-slipper clad foot, and before either of us knew it, we were kissing each other deeply. Her lips were warm and soft, her hair smelled like strawberries and rain, and her hands roamed all over my body; my breasts, my shoulders, my neck, then lower to my thighs, my diaper. I moaned and my hands began exploring her body as well. Her breasts were exquisite and I soon had them out of the sexy bra she held them captive with. Her nipples were erect and she moaned as I rolled them between my fingers.

"I want you to be my naughty crippled girl." breathed Becca into my ear.

"I am baby, I am..."

"Show me, I want you to crawl to me, drag those limp little legs and crawl to me."

My heart was pounding in my chest as I wheeled to the other side of the room and slipped out of my chair, careful not to use my legs at all. I dragged myself slowly to her, making a good show of my struggle, dragging my 'useless' legs behind me, moaning as I crawled and slipping my dress off as I went. Becca was playign with her nipples and moanign as she watched me drag myself to her. I looked up at her, my eyes pleading, and she got the message instantly.

"Come on cripple, get over here to please me, drag those dead legs and get over here to me." she said with a voice full of lust. I felt my sex blaze hot - I loved the humiliation, being reminded that I was a helpless cripple.... and of course my heart was pounding at what I knew was coming next. I wasn't sure what to expect, I was nervous, but I was curious and very excited....

I reached Becca's wheelchair panting, wanting to rub my sex and relive some of the tension that had already built up, but I knew that wasn't going to be allowed yet. I crawled to Becca's feet and started kissing and licking her shoes. She let me, moaning as I worshipped her limp feet and sexy patent shoes.

"Higher, slut." She said to me and I obeyed instantly, caressing and kissing her soft, paralyzed legs. They felt divine, exquisite, so perfectly crippled, sexy beyond words. I moaned and kissed and caressed and dragged myself up to her knees. I looked at her, waiting for her to react, waiting for the next move. Becca looked a little hesitant, but then pulled off her skirt with a practiced twist, so she sat in stockings and a diaper in her wheelchair. I saw the atrophied line of her thighs, the utter lack of muscle tone I had always fantasized about.

"Take off my diaper, cripple." she said in a commanding but sultry voice. Was there a note of anxiety to it as well, though? I reached up, pulling the tabs at her sides, and opened the puffy white diaper, folding it down against her chair seat.

This is what I had come to see, this is where my fascination had led me. Between Becca's legs was a flaccid penis and trimmed mop of pubic hair. It wasn't as big a shock as it might have been if I hadn't been prepared, but after takign in the rest of Becca's exquisite - and apparently very female - body, it was still a little strange seeing a cock between her legs. She had, as she had told me, the sexiest female body money could buy... mostly.

"Touch it." She said - not a command, more a hesitant request.

I took it in my hands. It was warm, soft, it felt smooth. It was fascinating to me - I had never had much to do with them. It was, asI knew, as limp and crippled as her legs, but that just made it more interesting, more exciting. I rubbed it, stroked it, felt it pulse in my hands. I played with Becca's balls, rolled them in my fingers. I started getting into it. So did Becca.

"Oh god, yes, touch it, please, I want to see you playing with it..." she said. I complied happily, even eagerly, jerking off her limp cock, letting it flop onto the wheelchair seat, fondling her balls. Barely realizing what I was doing, I bent down and took the flacid dick into my mouth, sucking it and rolling it around with my tounge. It never went erect, never even tried to, but I heard Becca saying 'Oh god' softly as I gave her head. It was surreal and yet incredibly erotic and somehow I was really getting into it. I reached up and rubbed her breasts and it seemed perfectly normal and natural, to be playing with a woman's firm, perfect breasts while sucking on her flaccid, paralyzed cock.

"Stop now, slut." she said. I complied. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a black strap on dildo. This was unexpected, yet I found myself excited by it just the same. "Put this on me." she commanded, and I took the dildo in my hands with an excited reverence.

It was hollow inside, and I slipped her limp cock into it and fastened the straps securely around her hips. This was a scene I was much more familiar with - a hot girl with a strap-on cock - but I found that I almost missed the limp paralyzed dick it hid.

"Get onto the bed, cripple." Becca said in a shaky voice. I complied, crawling and dragging myself until I was hanging, legs off the bed, hips against the mattress. I felt her positioning herself and shifting my legs as I gripped the sheets, then felt her lube-soaked fingers enter my anus. Her limp legs came next, one on either side of me, now without the patent stilettos, her feet brushing limply against me, and then the dildo penetrated my ass and she was fucking me, pushing herself back and forwards in her wheelchair, her floppy legs bumping against me in an erotic rhythm as she fucked me and told me what a naughty, worthless crippled girl I was.

I came four or five times I lost count before she stopped. My ass throbbed and my sex was on fire as she wheeled back and removed the strap on, her flaccid dick flopping out, still unmoved by our erotic play. It made me even hotter knowing it never would.

"Get back in your wheelchair, cripple." She told me, eyes hopeful and full of anticipation. I dragged myself unsteadily back to my chair and lifted myself heavily into it. I wheeled back to her. She used her hands to spread her legs and then told me where and how to park. I complied.

She lifted both my feet - still dressed in the new satin ballet slippers - and I made every effort not to move a muscle, not to twitch. She caressed and kissed my feet, then started rubbing her cock with them, jerking of with my feet. I sat and moaned about how sexy it was, how hot it made me, and she kept going, more and more frantic. I wished that my legs were truly dead and limp for her, but the roleplay seemed to be working for her anyway. With a shutter and moan she peed onto my feet, a warm dribble that actually made me cum again in my chair. She dropped my feet and, without being asked, I reached down and started rubbing her cock again, feeling it, rubbing and caressing it, and she moaned more and sighed and smiled.

Blog - more about us....

2010-03-27T08:53:00.004-04:00

So lots of people have contacted me and commented about my little 'adventure' last weekend and I've had some time to think about things, and Heather and I have talked a bunch.
So first off, she didn't hurt me - not physically or emotionally. Like I said in the the first post, she basically gave me what I had been asking for, what I had been fantasizing about, she gave me a taste of being disabled, helpless, and used as a sex toy. Like most fantasies, I now realize that thr reality of that situation is very very different from the idea of it. But it was still hours of erotic play and many multiple orgasms and, to be honest, after the fact I still think it was really pretty hot and sexy. It was extreme and a bit scary, yes, but it was overally a very hot and sexy situation.

Heather understands my need for disability and she's fine with it, and I understand her better as well. She doesnt' mind me being in a wheelchair at all and she really likes me being blind for her, and she loves me playing armless so I have to use my feet on her - did I mention she really loves my feet? So going forward we're going to stick with what we know and love - I'm still a full time wheelchair user and will occasionally play blind or armless for Heather - probably more often now that I know how much she really likes it. No more extreme scenarios and nothing that takes away my feet.

Other than that I'm writing more, I'm still working on putting an actual book of short stories together. I think people are going to really like it, I hope if it's on sale for only $10 or $12 a lot of people will buy it. I really get annoyed at the prices of some of the devotee erotica out there now - over $100 for a 15 minute video clip? picture sets that are $2 per picture? It's annoying.

Blog - Be careful what you wish for....

2010-03-21T13:46:00.006-04:00

So I'm sure everyone at this point knows about my long term relationship with Heather. I'm a devotee/pretender/wheelchair fetishist with some pretty twisted ideas of sexuality, she is a foot worshiper who doesn't mind my disability fetish as long as she has plenty of access to my sexy feet.

What most people don't know is that I'm kind of a bitch and I often push the boundaries of our relationship to get my way. That means trying to get Heather to use my wheelchair (she doesn't like it) or getting her to humiliate me, change my diapers, not to mention my obsession with erotic chats and all my chat partners. That does bother her, but I still do it because there are certain things I need sexually that she's just not into giving me. I still lover her very, very much and she knows it, but sometimes I just need a little something more.

Enter this weekend. I was being my usual annoying self and trying to get her to make me a quad amputee based on my silly Facebook quiz. I wanted to spend a little time totally helpless, the idea was really turning me on, but Heather isn't that into it - again, she's into my feet, so anything including leg amputations just isn't her thing. Add to that the helplessness, feeding me, changing me, etc... - well, we've actually only done quad amputee once before, as a costume where I was Helena from Boxing Helena and Heather played Dr. Nick, Julian Sands' character.

Well Heather finally gave in yesterday. I could tell she was a little annoyed but I was getting my way so I didn't really care. So we went into the bedroom and I stripped naked and Heather started bandaging my arms up and putting beige 'stump socks' on them - actually converted opaque pantyhose. Next were my legs and she sucked on my toes a bit before bandaging my legs up and putting another pair of stump socks on my DAK stumps. I asked for my diaper in my cutesy sweet voice but she said no and seemed a little cold, so I asked what was wrong. She told me she had plans for me and a minute later I had a vibrating butt plug pressed into my bottom and she was rubbing my clit and she was fingering me. God it only took me maybe two minutes to cum and I cried out and wriggled on the bed moaning and bucking my hips as she kept fingering me.

Well ladies - and maybe men, I have no idea about you - you know when, after a good orgasm, you're kind of super-stimulated, where even the slightest touch can set you off and you feel all tingly and really almost ticklish? Well that's where I was, but Heather kept going. I tried to wriggle out of the way - being the only thing I could do as a quad amp that was suddenly feeling a lot more than 'pretend'. It was so sensative I just wanted to her stop, just wanted her to lay off for a minute so I could catch my breath, but she wouldn't. I told her it was too much and she smiled - she actually smiled - and then took one of my favorite vibrators, one of the 'rabbit' style with the little ears for clitoral stimulation, and started fucking me with that.

I just about screamed and tried to get out of the way, tried to stop her, but I wasn't going anywhere and she knew it, and soon I was having more orgasms and was just screaming and I think at this point possibly crying, I can't remember....

She left the rabbit vibrator in my pussy and rolled me over, then pulled the butt plug out. She put on her strap-on dildo and I felt it pushing slowly into my ass and then she was fucking me again as I lay there with my 'stumps' spread. It was a little awkward with my feet back there but she managed to pump my ass for I have no idea how long, the rabbit vibe still in my pussy making me feel very, very full. It was honestly starting to really hurt, but feeling really good at the same time, I came again and again. I think I counted eleven orgasms but I don't even remember where I stopped counting.

So this went on in various ways for around three, three and a half hours. She gave me a break in the middle and fed me water through a straw and some grapes (I love grapes) and part of it was spooning and cuddling me, but overall is was just non stop sex and I had nothing I could do about it. I ate her out like three times? I think three times, yeah, made her cum, but she just kept going at me.

So by the end I was a complete mess. I was crying hysterically and screaming for her to stop, to just please stop, but she wouldn't, and I was crying and still having orgasms, even though I hurt, my stomach ached and my legs ached and my shoulders ached and I was mad and miserable and so pissed at Heather I just couldn't stop having orgasms and every one made me scream and cry and it was just a complete mess.

So Heather finally finished with me and kissed me - I glared at her, pissed off, and she asked why I was mad, since she finally gave me the loss of control I had been fantasizing about. She undid my bandages and rubbed my legs and arms and did finally put a diaper on me (which I used immidiately and then changed myself later) and then we just lay in bed and talked for like an hour.

She was right, of course - she treated me exactly like I've fantasized about, all my crazy disabled rape fantasies and such, and it was awful, just awful, but at the same time it was incrediby erotic. Insanely hot. It's hard to get my head around it, I'm really confused even two days later. She didn't abuse me, of course, she didn't hit me or hurt me - well, not 'hurt' me in the traditional sense, though my abs and shoulders and hips are still sore and you don't even want to know how my pussy and ass feel even two days later. So I'm still really confused. I'm trying to look at it and feel turned on and part of me really does, but the reality of it all, it's just...

I don't know, I honestly don't know how I feel right now. Aside form feeling like I want to cry all over again, reliving it like this.

Blog - A disappointed Cathy...

2010-03-13T15:42:00.002-05:00

So I finally talked Heather into letting me spend a little money on 'pretender porn', because I really wanted to see a video and pics from a new Premium Pretenders set, 'Fetish 10.1: Naomi as DAK bound by Melanie' - the YouTube sample I've been oogling for two weeks made it look kinky, fetishy, and sexy. Unfortunately, after purchasing said collection for around $20, the pictures are uninspired and just rehash the same scenes from the video, they don't add anything, and the video itself is basically the exact same thing as the Youtube 'preview' - it extends a few scenes but really there's no difference. Nothing more 'kinky' or extreme, just the same scenes from the preview but a little longer.
Maybe I was fooling myself but I kind of expected more. At least I was hoping they'd show Melanie crutching as an SAK, since at the end of the video she's inexplicably sitting there with a bound AK 'amputation' as Naomi wheels to the bed, but they never expand on that, she's just sitting there and Naomi is in a different outfit.
I guess that's the deal - anything out there of interest is either inexpensive and unsatisfying or hot but ridiculously priced. Now I have to make it seem like I absolutely LOVE this set or else she'll never let me buy anything else... not that I really want to...

BLOG - Aaaand.. They're gone...

2010-02-23T15:18:00.002-05:00

Those amazing AFO braces I saw on eBay? SOLD! Someone must have done the 'Buy it Now' option - seemed like a good deal, coming with free crutches and all. Ah well - I couldn't have afforded them anyway. I guess I could hope and dream that Heather bought them for me in secret and will give them to me as a birthday present :)

Blog - I have never been so horny in my life...

2010-02-22T09:08:00.003-05:00

I am so wet right now after seeing this Japanese video a friend sent me. A girl in a wheelchair, in public, and there's a dildo in the seat of the wheelchair that she's sitting on, as as she is wheeled around the dildo pumps up and down into her. I'm serious, I'm so hot right now I'm practically lightheaded.

Here's the Video

I want braces!!!!

2010-02-21T22:41:00.004-05:00

I found this pair of AFO braces on Ebay tonight - they are PERFECT! They're specifically for brace and bondage fetish, and they're very sexy! They've actually got d-rings on the back of the braces so you can use them for bondage - I just imagine Heather locking my legs to my wheelchair so I can't get out of it. That's so SEXY!! I really love them!

So, any devotee out there want to buy me a pair of braces? Pretty please :)

Sexy wonderful braces!!! (I think you have to log into Ebay to see them, they're under the 'adult' section...)

Blog - so I'm going to try it...

2010-02-12T10:22:00.003-05:00

Thanks to the fairly overwhelming response to my 'would you buy my book' question, I'm going to do it. OK, I'm going to TRY to do it. I'm starting today on an anthology of short stories dealing with all aspectsof the devotee, wannabe, and pretender community. I'll probably throw some recreational casting in there as well. I'm excited to give this a shot - maybe all my work over the years has been moving towards this goal.

So my first story, which I'm about 3 pages into, is called 'Paradise Found' and it's a futuristic tale set in a world where society is rebuilding itself after a terrible tragedy, and women who volunteer to help 'repopulate' the planet are rendered quadriplegic and then impregnated and cared for by society. It's a cool conceptand I like the characters so far. I think I'm really going to outdo myself for this book! I hope people are as excited as I am for it!

Question - would you buy my book?

2010-02-10T11:15:00.002-05:00

If I were to self publish a novel-sized work of fiction - either single long form story or book of short stories, how many people would buy it? What's best - one long narrative or a book of shorter stories?

BLOG - New Story posted, but...

2010-02-04T09:21:00.002-05:00

I published my newest story this morning, because I couldn't wait to share, but because I had actually written/finished it the other day and was just sitting on it, it's showing up earlier in the blog timeline, I'm not sure how to fix that. Anyway, my newest story, 'Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind' was just published, so I hope everyone likes it! It's a little different but I think it's fun.

Cathy

Blog - Another story ready to go

2010-02-03T09:29:00.003-05:00

So I posted my newest story yesterday and then immediately started writing another crazy fun story which I just finished this morning. I think I'll wait a few days before posting it, though - don't want to flood the blog after the recent drought.

How do most people get my blog updates? How do you get other blog updates? Do you just check? Or maybe follow a twitter feed, or my yahoo profile? I'm just curious. Is there a way that would work better for people? Some kind of notification system? again, just curious.

I wanted to thank people for giving me ideas for stories - obviously it worked well :) Feel free to give me ideas any time, sometimes they really trigger my creative (and other ;) ) juices... so if you have ideas, if you have some fantasy or dream story, go ahead and drop me a line (Paracathy at hotmail) or comment here. Hope everyone enjoys what I've got coming up...

Story - Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind

2010-02-02T17:49:00.003-05:00

Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind

Sarah was having the most horrible dream, terrifying visions of leering, gray faces and violently spinning purple and orange lights. She felt pain, though she was pretty sure somewhere in the back of her mind that she shouldn't have been able to, then she felt a deep cold sensation down her right leg. The rest of her night was spent in restless, uncomfortable sleep, and when her alarm clock buzzed aggressively she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Then, as the turned off her alarm and pulled off the sheets, she screamed.

"Miss Jones, I'm afraid we simply don't have any explanation. It's... it's like nothing we've ever seen. Your right leg has been expertly amputated, as you can obviously see, and it's completely healed. By all accounts and by every means of examination we have, your leg was amputated mid thigh at least a decade ago." the doctor said, obviously deeply confused.

"But it was there YESTERDAY!" Sarah said exasperated, like someone who had been saying the same thing over and over all day. She was sitting on an exam table, her left leg dangling out of her hospital gown, her right leg - well, her right stump - pressing flat into the padded exam table top. "I had two legs went I went to bed, I've been over this a hundred times today!" she said, openly crying again. She had indeed woken to find her right leg completely gone, just a smooth, round stump in it's place. She could feel it, move it, it didn't hurt at all, but the fact remained that her leg was gone without a trace. She had vague recollections of bad dreams, but in all the panic of awaking as an amputee, she didn't put much thought into her nightmares.

"I understand your concern." said the new doctor unconvincingly. What was he, the eight? Ninth? She had lost count. Some time after lunch she realized they weren't diagnosing anything any more, they were just curious. Nothing like it had ever been seen, completely new phenomena, totally astonishing, blah blah blah - there was an air of sarcasm to all of it, though, an underlying incredulity that made Sarah uncomfortable. "But right now there is no indication that things will get worse. Other than the, um..., unusual situation, you are in perfect health, so..."

"So what? You're sending me home?" she said, looking defeated.

"There's nothing more we can do here, Sarah." the doctor said with a resigned sigh. "There is simply nothing medically wrong with you - at least nothing any part of medical science has ever encountered before. Go home, get some rest, and call this number in the morning - It's the number of a local rehab center with a good outpatient program to help you adjust."

"Adjust??" Sarah said, not fully understanding.

"Yes, adjust to your, um... situation." he said again, his bedside manner completely undone by the bizarre situation. "I believe you indicated earlier that you were familiar with the use of crutches?"

"So that's it? Give the one legged girl a pair of crutches and send her home?" Sarah was trying not to cry again, she was tired of it and didn't want to give this guy the satisfaction. The doctor handed her a pair of ordinary aluminum underarm crutches and she grabbed hold of them, angry and annoyed and a little afraid. With a little effort she stood on her one remaining leg and got her balance, taking a few tentative steps around the room. She was clumsy and the crutches hurt her shoulders, but at least she was walking and not being pushed in a wheelchair. She ushered the doctor out of the room and then slowly got dressed.

She crutched out of the room, the leg of her slacks folded crudely around her stump, and signed all the paperwork necessary for release, painfully aware of all the eyes tracking her every move. She was frightened and annoyed and tired and wanted nothing more than just getting back home. Thankfully the hospital provided a shuttle back to her condo and, after the most disturbing, frightening, and bizarre day of her whole life, she crutched into her living room and plopped heavily onto the couch, letting her crutches clatter to the floor. Her good leg ached, her shoulders ached, and she had no idea what she was going to do now that she was an amputee. She looked at the number to the outpatient rehab center and resolved to call it in the morning. She turned on the TV, watching something stupid that she couldn't pay attention to, and soon the stress of the day finally overcame her and she fell into a deep sleep.

The dreams again. The leering faces, the pain, the cool sensations, the flashing lights. She tossed and turned and finally cried out, waking herself and rolling off the couch, unbalanced because of her missing leg. She threw her hands out to catch herself and saw her right arm - or what remained of it, just another smooth, round stump that ended between her elbow and shoulder. She hit the floor with a thud and cried out, more from shock than actual pain.

"Sarah, we would like to formally apologize." said the very official looking man in the very expensive suit. Certainly not a doctor, possibly an administrator of some kind. Maybe a lawyer. "In short, we found your story yesterday so completely implausible that we honestly thought you were a psychiatric patient. The number you were given yesterday as you were discharged was to a psychiatric hotline, not a rehab center." the man looked very red, very nervous.

"So all that time yesterday, you never believed me? Not a single person?" she said angrily. She lay semi-reclined in bed, her arm stump waving animatedly as she shouted.

"Please, see it from our point of view, Sarah." the man said. "What has happened to you, well, it's simply not possible!"

"And yet here I am!" she said, staring at him and holding up her new stump.

"Please take my word, and the promise of the entire staff of this hospital, that we are doing everything we can to understand this situation and ensure that is doesn't happen again."

"Ha!" she shouted, her eyes puffy with tears. "You have no idea what's going on, how can you say you can stop it?"

"You will be staying here, in a private room in the hospital, and there are teams from the CDC and bio-toxins lab at your condo testing everything they can. We'll find the issue, and until you do, you should be safe here."

"I don't feel safe anywhere..." Sarah said, rubbing her arm stump with her slender left hand.

"Hi, I'm Olivia." said the young nurses' aid as she entered Sarah's room with a tray of food. Sarah had to admit it smelled great and she was starving after a day of the most extreme and intensive medical tests she had ever experienced.

"Hi Olivia." Sarah said quietly, trying to force a weak smile. "What's that?"

"Dinner - don't look at it that way, it's not hospital food. I went out and got a nice dinner from a place down the street - marinated grilled chicken, vegetables - it should be good." she smiled and set up Sarah's tray and raised her bed a little so Sarah was sitting up more.

"Thanks, Olivia." said Sarah and grabbed the fork from the tray. She looked down at the knife and the grilled chicken breasts and started to cry.

"It's OK Sarah, I can help." Olivia said, quickly grabbing the knife and fork and cutting Sarah's food into bite sized pieces. "Don't you worry about a thing, I can help you take care of whatever you need. You're my only patient tonight." she smiled warmly.

Sarah ate slowly, not really speaking. Halfway through dinner she looked up at Olivia. "I have to..." she said, a note of urgency in her voice.

"To what, Sarah?" Olivia asked, getting to her feet.

Sarah looked at her, a cross between panicked and embarrassed, and Olivia understood. "You want the bedpan or try for the toilet?" she asked.

"Toilet, I can make it." Sarah said, and Olivia helped her into a rolling attendant chair and pushed her into the bathroom, then helped her onto the toilet and looked away discretely as Sarah urinated, then helped her get cleaned up. to her credit, Sarah didn't cry when Olivia had to help her wipe.

Once Sarah was back in bed and had finished dinner, Olivia turned on the TV.

"Stay and watch with me?" Sarah asked, more fear and desperation in her voice than she expected.

"Sure." Olivia said cheerfully. "Like I said - you're my only patient tonight."

The two watched TV until close to midnight and Olivia finally fell asleep in the reclining chair by Sarah's bed. Sarah, too, finally succumbed to sleep, though she continued to fight it until after 1am according to the big round clock on the wall. She fell asleep, her left hand holding the stump of her right arm, and hoped that she wouldn't have those terrible bad dreams again.

The dreams came, though, and Sarah was terrified, she was confused. The same dreams, the insane leering faces, the bizarre sensations, the lights. There were voices in this one, too, something Sarah could barely make out. The sensations and sounds and fears all rolled and swirled together until Sarah finally awoke, gasping. In the half light of the private room she could see that Olivia was still sitting near the bed, tossing and thrashing and moaning in her sleep.

"Olivia!" she called out in little more than a whisper. She swallowed, then took a deep breath and called out more loudly. "Olivia! Wake up!" she said.

Olivia's eyes popped open with a start and she looked around the room as if she had momentarily forgotten where she was. "Oh, Sarah, I'm sorry, I must have dozed off. I had the most bizarre dream..." she said, still groggy and wiping sleep from her eyes.

"Olivia, look at me." Sarah said in the most calm voice she could manage. "I want you to stay calm, OK?"

Olivia looked at Sarah curiously, then froze, as if something was suddenly dawning on her. She looked down, following Sarah's gaze to her legs - or what had been her legs, anyway. Her long, athletic legs were now short, underdeveloped, lifeless, and totally numb.

"Sarah..." she said, her breath coming quickly, panic starting to set in. "Sarah, I can't feel my legs!" Olivia cried, staring down at her now crippled, paralyzed legs.

"Me either Olivia." Sarah said, pulling off her sheets. Both legs ended in round stumps between knee and hip, her left arm now her only remaining limb. "Maybe we can get matching wheelchairs...."

There was an insane rush around the hospital as soon as Sarah and Olivia's conditions were discovered. According to hallway surveillance both women had never left the room and nobody had gotten in, the door remained shut the whole time. There was no explanation for the situation and everyone in the hospital was completely baffled.

"How are you feeling?" Sarah asked Olivia as they wheeled her back into the room they now shared. Olivia's eyes were red from recent crying.

"I'm paralyzed completely from T2 down. And it looks as if..."

"As if you've been paralyzed for years." Sarah said, completely understanding.

"As if I've been paralyzed since birth..." Olivia corrected bitterly.

Sarah watched as Olivia struggled to transfer out of her hospital wheelchair onto the bed beside her, dragging her small, crippled legs with her. Her feet were curled and ankles turned in and her legs lacked all muscle tone. It really looked like she had been in a wheelchair all her life. Sarah could see the bulky hospital diaper under her hospital gown and her cheeks went pink, embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed." Olivia said with a sigh, seeing her reaction. "Last night I helped you use the toilet. Ironically, tonight I can't use it any more..." she said, patting the diaper. "But this isn't our fault, it's just something crazy, insane that happened..."

"That is happening." Sarah corrected.

"You think?" Olivia asked, looking at her wide-eyed.

"It's been three nights in a row for me, why wouldn't I?" she said. "Maybe you should sleep in a different room Olivia." Olivia shook her head.

"No, I figure we're in this together now. If they're coming back for you, chances are they'll want me too."

Sarah reached out her one remaining hand and Olivia took hold of it, grasping it firmly.

"Besides." Olivia continued, lifting one of her limp legs and shifting it on the bed. "We've got to try and stay awake all night and see what happens."

The two women sat in the hospital bed together, eating and watching TV and chatting as if they had known each other forever. They were both being monitored via a tangle of wires, and there was a closed circuit TV camera watching them both. Sarah needed a lot of help to get simple things done with only one arm and no legs, but even paralyzed Olivia was a big help. Sarah helped Olivia with a couple diaper changes as well, not feeling at all embarrassed by it any more. It was surprising and bizarre how quickly they both seemed to be adjusting to disabled life - though in the confines of a fully staffed hospital Sarah was certain things were not nearly as complicated as they would be back home.

One AM rolled around with the women still awake and chatting. Then 1:30, 1:45, 1:55 and both women were wide awake, watching television and talking animatedly. Olivia was giving Sara a stump massage that felt really wonderful, and both women were giggling about calling it a 'foot massage'. At 1:58am exactly, however, both women dropped to the bed and fell into a deep and immediate sleep.

The dreams were more terrifying than ever, and Sarah realized that in some way, she was actually awake and experiencing everything for real, not in a typical dream state. She felt the cold gripping sensation on her left arm and then knew immediately that her last remaining limb was gone. She looked around frantically and saw more swirling colors, bizarre otherworldly faces, but she couldn't make anything out clearly, it was like she was on some very strong hallucinogenic drug trip.

Sarah woke with a gasp and the lights were already coming on. It was still 1:58am according to the hospital clock, but it seemed like the dream 'attack' had taken hours. A doctor and two nurses rushed into the room and started checking things - a cold stethoscope was pressed to Sarah's breast. Olivia was still thrashing a bit and Sarah reached for her, but realized immediately that her left arm was, as she had experienced in the dream, amputated at the same level as her right arm. She was a quadruple amputee, helpless.

One of the nurses shook Olivia awake and she cried out. "Sarah!" she said, arms groping around. "Sarah, I can't see!" she said, panicked. "Where are you??"

"I'm here Olivia." Sarah said. "I'm right here, the doctor is here too."

"I can't find you Sarah, take my hand." she said, her voice still panicky.

"I can't Olivia, I don't have any arms now." Sarah said. "And it looks like your eyes are gone, sweety." she said, not wishing to belabor the point. Olivia's hands went to her eyes, then pulled away when they felt the hollow, empty eyelids.

The cameras caught nothing but three and a half seconds of static. The multiple vital signs monitors were level and flat until that static hit, then both women's vital signs jumped up as if they were terrified. That was all the evidence that was collected, aside from the fact that Sarah's left arm was amputated and Olivia's eyes were both surgically removed.

In their hospital room, they sat in wheelchairs, across from each other at a square table their breakfast was spread out on. Eggs, bacon, coffee, waffles. It all smelled great, but neither woman had much appetite. Sarah was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts someone had found for her, her stumps exposed. Olivia was in small sweatpants and fuzzy socks covering her crippled legs and feet, though her bulky diaper was obvious under it. she wore sunglasses, too - at her own insistence. Both women were being fed by orderlies who seemed more than a little uncomfortable being there - it was obvious everyone in the hospital knew what had happened, or had at least heard something bizarre. Olivia turned her head to where she imagined Sarah was sitting.

"So, what's next?" She said.

Sarah stared at her and started to reply...

STORY - Blind Girl's Bluff...

2010-02-02T12:51:00.002-05:00

blind Girls' Bluff - By Paracathy

Lisa took a deep breath, sat on the edge of the bed, and blinked twice. Her hands were shaking. She stared at the unlabeled bottle of clear fluid that sat on her bedside table and reached out her hand to take it, then retracted it. She breathed in again and grabbed the bottle, squirting the clear fluid into both eyes, flooding them completely before she could rethink her decision. She dropped the bottle as the cool, stinging sensation hit both her eyes simultaneously, working from the front to the back, until it felt like the coolness was behind her eyes, just above her cheekbones and sinuses.
Lisa closed her eyes, lay down on the bed, and cried until she fell asleep.

Morning came via a chiming alarm clock as Lisa immediately realized the bright morning sun streaming through her bedroom window was a thing of the past. Her world was totally, utterly black. Beyond black, really, something impossible for Lisa to describe, even to herself. She had a dull, throbbing headache at her temples and felt dizzy, unsteady as she lay in her soft bed. She knew the headache was a side effect of the drugs, but the dizziness she wasn't sure about. She sat up carefully and was immediately disoriented, feeling almost nauseous as she sat upright. She lay back down, her breathing shallow, almost panicked. She thought she knew what to expect, thought she understood what being blind would be like, but this was very different from walking around the house with a blindfold on, very different from tapping around the living room wearing dark sunglasses and a broomstick handle cane.

It was the only way, it was all going to be worth it. That was Lisa's mantra, and she repeated it over and over again as she lay in bed and tried to become accustomed to the situation, tried to calm her mind and come to terms with...

Blindness. Not 'her situation' she told herself. Blindness. Complete, irreversible blindness, incurable after one hour of contact with the drugs. The alarm went off after seven hours, give or take. That meant that not only was she completely blind, but all traces of the drug would also be flushed from her system.

That thought led to another - Lisa had to pee, and she needed to do it soon. In her blind state, the other messages sent by her body were coming through loud and clear now. She felt her way to the edge of the bed and swung her feet off, slipping to the floor to stand. It felt for an instant like she was free-falling from some great height and she gasped, then her feet touched the floor and she steadied herself. How far to the bathroom? She stood, still feeling slightly dizzy, and held her hands out in front of her, waving them as if she were feeling her way across the room. After three steps she stubbed her toe hard against something and found herself disoriented, her big toe throbbing.

Her need to pee was becoming urgent and she realized that finding her way to her bathroom was going to be more difficult than she had imagined. Deciding that pride was the least of her needs now, Lisa crouched slowly, carefully to the ground and then began to feel her way across the floor of her room, finding the wall, then slowly making it to the door, then the hallway.

It took her ten minutes, but she made her way to the toilet and sat, feeling amazing relief as she urinated. She cleaned herself, groped blindly for the flush handle, then felt her way to the sink. She washed her hands and splashed water on her face - it felt amazing and incredibly refreshing, she noted - and then felt her way slowly, deliberately to the living room. She felt her way to the door, found the deadbolt, and un-locked it. She then crawled to the couch, sat, and picked up the phone.

"This is 911 what is the nature of your emergency?" the cool woman's voice said over the phone. Lisa tried to build up as much fear and panic as she could before she replied - she found it wasn't nearly as difficult as she had thought.

"I just woke up and, I'm not sure what's going on, but I can't see. I think I'm blind..." she said with a panting edge of terror.

"OK ma'am, try to stay calm. How old are you?" the voice asked, all business as she immediately understood the seriousness of the call.

"I'm 22." Lisa said. "Born August 11th."

"And what is your address, ma'am?" the 911 operator asked,

Lisa gave her address and stayed on the phone, switching between nervous chatter and quiet sobbing, until she heard a knock on the door.

"Paramedics, did someone call 911?" asked the deep bass voice from outside the apartment.

"In here." Lisa called and she heard the door open, heard heavy footsteps on the hardwood floors.

"Can you tell me what happened, Miss?" the deep bass voice said from somewhere very close. She had rehearsed this part very thoroughly, over and over again.

"I'm not sure." she said, unevenly. "I went to bed early last night with a headache, it was throbbing, but I figured it was just stress. I took a couple Tylenol and went to bed. I woke up to my alarm this morning and..." at this, she started to cry and started feeling around in front of her, slightly panicky. she felt a strong, warm hand take her.

"It's OK, let's just check a few things." the deep voice said. "I'm going to be touching you - it may feel disorienting, but I need to examine you. Please don't be afraid, OK?"

Lisa nodded, then felt the warm hands on her face, felt them open her right eye wide, then her left. Heard clicking and scratching noises she couldn't place. All the while, she heard and felt so much, but saw nothing. Not a flicker, not a shadow - the blindness was complete and total.

"Miss, to your knowledge have you been exposed to any type of cemical or gas?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" Lisa said, trying to sound convincing. This was the key, if she got this right, it would all be worthwhile.

"Have you been exposed to anything unusual in the last seven days, like a cleaner or air freshener or other chemical?"

"Well, there was plan spraying at my office on Thursday, I think - yes, Thursday."

"Not just someone watering the plants?" the deep voice asked.

"No." Lisa shook her head. It made her feel dizzy. "We do all the watering ourselves. This was fertilizer or something. The guy had a green and yellow uniform, I remember that." she said, then suddenly started crying and sobbing loudly. "Oh god, I can barely remember what yellow and green look like... oh god what's happening to me?" she asked. She felt a comforting hand holding hers.

"Calm down miss, try to calm down. There's no indication this is permanent, it could be a simple allergic reaction."

Lisa knew he was lying - by this time her eyes had turned a milky white and it would have been obvious to anyone that the damage was irreversible, but Lisa played along.

"Really? It might... might not be permanent?" she asked, still sobbing quietly.

"We wont' know until we get you to the hospital, miss. We're going to help you onto a stretcher - it's just a precaution, OK?"

Lisa nodded and let two sets of strong, confident hands move her onto the stretcher and strap her down across her legs and chest, as an added precaution.

The ride to the hospital was a world of new sensations, from the feeling of the bumps in the road to the sounds of the radio chatter. the deep voiced paramedic, whose name was Rob, kept talking to her, trying to keep her calm, telling her not to think the worst. Lisa noticed that nobody else was talking, though.

Lisa had been in the emergency room, listening to a cacophony of sounds - beeping monitors, crying children, moaning patients, chattering nurses and doctors, but she was quickly moved to a private room. Nurses drew blood carefully, talking to Lisa all the time, making sure she knew what was happening the whole time, explaining each step they were taking. Lisa noted that they seemed almost rehearsed at the situation, as if people suddenly stricken blind happened often. That was good, that was very good.

"I'm Dr. Stafford." came a light, feminine voice. "I'm going to be examining you, OK?"

"Yes, I understand." Lisa said, turning her head in the direction of the voice. "Can you tell me what's happened? Why can't I see?" she said nervously, like someone who didn't want to hear the answer.

Lisa heard the woman's shoes squeak subtly across the floor and hear the distinct moan of a desk chair being sat in beside her.

"Lisa, I have to be honest with you. It looks like you have been exposed to a chemical agent that, in a small percentage of people, has been shown to cause blindness."

Lisa gasped as the doctor continued.

"The chemical is found in a brand of spray-able plant fertilizer. We have confirmed that it was the fertilizer that was being used in your office building up until Friday."

"Well..." Lisa stammered a bit. "What do we do now? Is there a pill or something?"

"Lisa." the doctor was very serious and clinical, yet Lisa could hear the compassion in her voice clearly. Lisa felt the woman take her hand and hold it between hers. "Lisa, I'm afraid that the damage is permanent. Irreversible."

Lisa was silent, her heart thumping fast - she hoped it came across as panic, not excitement. When she didn't say anything, the doctor continued.

"We will enroll you in an occupational rehab center tonight. IT's a very good program, and in a few months -"

"A few months?" Lisa said with genuine surprise. She hadn't counted on months of rehab.

"Yes Lisa, after a few months you'll be able to live on your own, get back to your life, things will get mostly back to normal."

"Mostly?" Lisa asked.

"Well, I won't lie to you Lisa - being blind is not something you're likely to just 'get used to'. Living with a disability can be a daily challenge, but you can still live a healthy and fulfilling life."

Lisa just sat, she could feel tears streaming down her face as she contemplated the rest of her life, blind, feeling her way around, fumbling and tripping over herself. Was it really worth it? It had to be, she told herself. It just had to be.

The rehab center was nice- well, it sounded nice, anyway, and it was warm. Lisa was led to an office where she recited a lot of her general information - allergies, next of kin, occupation. Lisa noticed with interest, however, that they never asked her about her insurance. Again, she thought to herself, this was a very good thing.

Next a nurse led her to a room, Lisa holding onto the woman's elbow and slowly putting one foot in front of the other, always feeling disoriented, like she was going to fall with each progressive step.

"I won't let you fall, honey." the nurse said warmly.

"Shouldn't I have a cane or something?" Lisa asked. She didn't know if it was rude or stupid, but it was the first thing that came to her mind.

"Maybe tomorrow or the next day - that will be your first lesson. Until you understand how to use it, though, you'd likely just hurt yourself or someone else, waving it around like you're looking for a pinata. Trust me - this is a good program. You'll be out on your own in no time."

"If you say so." Lisa said, following the woman's confident lead.

"so what are you in for?" Came a loud, high-pitched, feminine voice as they entered Lisa's new room. Lisa jumped.

"Rebecca, you know you have to keep your voice down." the nurse said. "Sorry Lisa, I didn't realize Becky would be home."

"Hi." Lisa said to nobody in particular. "I'm Lisa. And, as you can probably tell, I'm blind.."

"No way I could really know that, Lisa." Came Rebecca's voice, the volume greatly diminished. "As I think we're in the same club here. Woke up Friday completely blind. Plant spray, or so they tell me."

"Same here." said Lisa, allowing herself to be seated on a plush bed. "Got hit Thursday at work, apparently."

"Hey, Nurse Donna, how about you sit her over here so we're not yelling across the room at each other?"

"Would that be OK, Lisa?" the nurse asked.

"Sure, I think I'd appreciate the company." Lisa said truthfully. This was fast becoming overwhelming and Lisa needed whatever kind of connections she could make before she broke down again. The nurse helped her over to what felt like a sofa or loveseat and sat her next to Becky.

"Scary, huh?" Becky said as they both heard the nurse leave the room, her crepe soles making smaller and smaller squeaking noises as she walked down the hallway.

"Yeah." Lisa said truthfully. "You go to bed able to see and..."

"In your sleep, wow. That's got to be rough. Still - it happened to me at work, middle of the afternoon. Started with a bad headache, splashed some water on my face. Eyes were all red. That's the last thing I remember seeing - my red, bloodshot eyes. Twenty minutes later I was in an ambulance, screaming in panic I'm ashamed to say. Now, my eyes are milky white - or so they tell me. Yours too, I'd bet."

"I... I didn't..." Lisa said. She hadn't really thought about what had happened to her eyes. It didn't really matter, of course - but in a way it did.

"It's OK Lisa." said Becky, and Lisa felt Becky's warm hand rest on her thigh. It pulled back quickly. "Sorry." Becky said, a note of embarrassment in her voice.

"Don't be." said Lisa. "Seems touch is one of the few things we've got left."

"Yeah, I guess so." said Becky. "Hey, do you mind if..."

"What?" Lisa asked.

"If I looked at your face. I mean, with my hands..."

"Sure, I guess so." Lisa said, turning towards Becky's voice. She fely Becky's hands begin to touch her, feeling her arm, then her stomach, then up to her breasts, neck, until they found her face. She found the sensation oddly comforting, even exciting. Becky's hands touched her face gently, tracing the curve of her cheeks, the smooth line of her chin, her soft eyebrows, her closed eyelids, the gentle slope of her nose, her soft, moist lips.

"You're very pretty." Becky said. Her voice was closer than Lisa expected. Becky's hands were caressing, comforting... sensual....

Lisa felt her way up Becky's thigh, to her stomach, over the swell of her breasts. She felt Becky's erect nipple through her thin shirt. Felt her smooth neck, felt the muscles contract in a nervous swallow, then moved up to her face.

It felt narrow, slightly angular, with high, soft cheeks and wide eyes. Her lips seemed thin, soft, and Lisa could feel her cheeks contract upwards in a smile.

"Like what you see?" Becky said softly, and then without warning they were kissing, touching each others' faces, then lower, with growing urgency. Lisa felt Becky's warm tongue probing her mouth and she did the same, tasting this stranger that she would never actually see...

Becky pulled away suddenly, startling Lisa. "I'm sorry, I was..." Lisa started to stammer as she felt Becky get off the couch, heard soft footfalls across the room, heard the door squeak slowly shut, heard the click of the lock on the door. She felt Becky take her hand and she stood there, letting Becky's hands trace the lines of her body until, before long, her clothes had dropped to the floor. She felt Becky and willed her shaking hands to do the same, finding every clasp, button and buckle and undoing it until all she could feel of her roommate was warm, soft, bare skin. They felt there way to the plush bed and, without speaking, explored every inch of each others' naked bodies, taking in every sensation, 'seeing' with their fingertips, gasping, kissing, licking....

The nurses said nothing when they came in the next morning and found Becky and Lisa in the same bed, naked and covered with disheveled blankets. They helped the two women get dressed and led them to their rehab classes. The first half of the day was just listening to long, tedious discussions about what 'being blind' meant. Even though she obviously couldn't see her, Lisa knew Becky was there, sitting near her. There were others in the room too - three others. An older woman, a younger girl, high school student, and a man who had worked for a greenhouse - all had been exposed to the same chemical. Ironically, Lisa thought to herself, she was the only person in the room whose blindness wasn't caused by the plant food. Of course nobody could ever know that....

They began to relearn basic, simple tasks in the afternoon - identifying household objects, eating and drinking (much more difficult than Lisa ever imagined) and, finally, cane work. Lisa had imagined that once she held her white cane in her hands and began tapping around, it would magically make her condition more manageable. In reality, it just gave her one more thing to try and think about as she blindly walked around an unfamiliar space. She got constant encouragement from her coaches, and she heard Becky getting the same from a short distance away. Finally, after what seemed like a number of hours, they broke for dinner.

"OK gang, let's use what we learned at dinner. Everyone's place settings will be set up the same way we practiced, and the coaches will be around to help if needed, but you're encouraged to try it on your own." said one of the coaches - or possibly a nurse, Lisa wasn't sure. She followed the voices guiding the class out of the room and into the hallway, gently yet deliberately tapping her cane side to side until she found the edge where the wall met the floor. The tapping sounds in the hallway slowly became a gentle, sliding noise as all five blind students started following the wall as instructed.

"Becky?" Lisa said quietly, and Becky's reply came from just behind her.

"Right here Lisa." she said.

"Dinner?" Lisa asked, and she could almost hear the smile that came with her positive response.

"I'd love to." she said, and both women made their way to the caffeteria and sat at the same table. They ate in relative silence - focusing on where their food was and how to get it into their mouths took more concentration than Lisa had every expected, but they both wound up finishing their meals without needing help from the aides. Not everyone was so lucky, from the sound of it - in the middle of dinner someone, Lisa thought likely the high school girl - dropped something and then broke down, crying and sobbing. She was helped out of the room and dinner continued even more silently, if that was possible.

Half way back to their room, Lisa following Becky and looking forward to more 'training' once they were alone, Lisa heard her name being called.

"Lisa, you have a phone call dear." said one of the front desk women. Lisa followed her, allowing herself to be led by the arm more than using her cane, and took the phone as it was placed in her hand.

"Lisa? Lisa is that you?" came the panicked voice.

"Samantha, hi cousin, how's it going?" Lisa said, trying to sound nonchalant. She had expected this, of course, but it didn't make it any easier.

"That big case my boss is working on, that one I told you about on Thursday? Your name just popped up on it, along with a few others. What's going on??"

"Well, yeah, I guess... I guess that the company doing our plant spraying was using the same chemical. I guess they hadn't gotten the memo that it was dangerous." Lisa said, her voice cracking a little. "And you know all the plants in the lobby where I work... "

"So you're...." came Samantha's reply.

"As a bat." replied Lisa. She realized she was crying again. "So, how's that case going? got a court date yet?"

"No need." Samantha said quietly, realization dawning on her.

"How much?" Lisa asked, dropping all pretense.

"At least ten million." Samantha said.

"Each?" Lisa said. Her heart leapt.

"Each. At least." Samantha said.

"I'll buy you something nice." Lisa said. Samantha said something unintelligible and hung up.

Lisa tapped her way back to her room, asking one of the nurses' aides for help, and as soon as she got in she closed the door and locked it behind her.

"What's up babe? Everything OK?" Becky said. Lisa slipped off her shirt and bra and felt her way over to Becky.

"Yeah babe, everything is just fine." she said into Becky's ear. "We've got some celebrating to do tonight."

"What are we celebrating, the invention of braille?" Becky asked sarcastically, her hands caressing Lisa's breasts.

"No. We're celebrating my flunking out of law school two months ago..." Lisa said, smiling wide and running her sensitive fingers through Becky's hair.

BLOG - has it really been 3 weeks?

2010-01-25T14:01:00.002-05:00

Shit - why the hell does it take so long to update this thing? Maybe I'm just bored. I shouldn't be bored, but I guess sometimes you just get into a routine and suddenly you find yourself bored with everything...

I really cannot get into the mood to finish anything I start writing. I have ideas but by the time I get them half written I think they're crap. I need inspiration...

What should I write about?

Blog - Week in Review

2010-01-08T16:06:00.002-05:00

Hi folks, Happy New Year, since I didn't do that yet...

So to anyone who doesn't know, I caught a nasty cold over the holidays and only just got over it this week, so I haven't been too active, but I've been pretty active this week. Writing is not coming along as fast as I wanted it to because I keep getting distracted. Sorry about that.

Life with heather is still really wonderful, though we've been working these kind of weird off-shifts due to totally different reasons and we only see each other for like an hour a day on some days. It's not all the time though, so it's OK...

I still have no idea how to get the 'Miwako Pretender' video and now there's a new one, Youka LAC which seems to be another combo of cast and amputee fetish. I actually have a little money I could spend on these, too, but I can't seem to find a way to purchase them.

that's about all for now, I'll probably post more later...

Blog - Annoyed....

2009-12-23T10:49:00.007-05:00

OK, I found a new video on Youtube that has me really hot and bothered. It's a Japanese pretender video, she does a great left arm amputee with cosmetic prosthetic, a leg amputee on crutches, and a REALLY hot para amputee. The video is a sample from the Cast Girls Japan (GipsGips) series and the description says you can get more(likely for purchase) at a Clips4Sale link. The only problem is that the pretender video doesn't seem to be there!! I found it on GipsGips, but I can't read Japanese and have no way of figuring out how to order it or even how much it is.

I really wanted to beg Heather to let me get it, too, and if it was a clips4sale download it would be so easy and convenient, but it's just not there. They would have almost definitely had a sale, too - pretender vids are SO hard to come by, and a combo pretender video is pretty much unheard of! I really wanted it.

And for all you devs who don't give a shit about my woes but just want to see the pretty video, here's the link...

Here you go

Cathy

Flash Fiction - All about the feet

2009-12-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

It's all about the feet

I grasped the rims of my wheelchair and pushed. I felt a little lightheaded from the effort. Why was it so hard - I hadn't really anticipated that. My balance was terrible, really off, making my head swim a bit.

I was more or less naked. Well, not technically 'naked' - I wore the bare minimum my newfound condition would allow - a bulky, ill-fitting diaper and a 'gently used' rigid back brace that was tightly strapped on, covering from my tailbone to just between my shoulder blades in back, and my stomach and lower breast cups in the front. My breasts were bare and my nipples tingled excitedly as I kept pushing forward, the wheels on my e-bay special wheelchair crawling forward on the bedroom carpet.

I could feel a thin sheen of sweat starting to form on my forehead, my shoulders and upper back, felt the warm moisture of my armpits. Below my breasts I felt nothing, of course, and I expected that due to the lack of heat regulation below, my upper body might already be compensating. Or maybe pushing this wheelchair with no muscle control or sensation from just below my breasts down to my now limp toes was a lot more work than I had anticipated.

I heard Heather calling from the living room as I finally reached the hardwood floors of the hallway.

"Honey, where are you? It's been like, an hour. Are you OK?"

"I'm almost there lover. Close your eyes for me, OK?" I called out in my most sensual, sexy voice.

"Mmm, OK honey, they're closed. Don't keep me waiting too much longer!!" she said with a giggle. God she was sexy, even that silly giggle of hers just made me want to melt, made my pussy hot. Well, it had anyway, an hour ago. Now....

I ran out of hardwoods and my wheelchair wheels started to bog down in the thick living room carpet. I strained and got two feet closer, then stopped.

"OK, open your eyes baby."

Heather opened them and looked at me. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind as she stared, eyes wide, at me in my wheelchair, wearing a diaper and a back brace, hair probably a bit disheveled thanks to the efforts of getting myself into my wheelchair and wheeling myself across the house.

"You did it?" she asked, her voice unreadable. I nodded.

"Injection, between T4 and T5 I think." I said, a quiver in my voice. What did she think?

Heather fell to her knees and crawled to me where I sat. She took one limp, paralyzed foot in her hands and started to kiss it. Lick it. Caress it. She rubbed it against her face and ran her delicate hands up and down my flaccid leg.

As I sat there in my wheelchair she began to undress, slowly, sensually, in ways I'd never seen her disrobe before. My breathing quickened as I stared at her, knowing that were I not paralyzed, my pussy would be hot, wet, ready for her touch. It somehow excited me more, thinking that parts of my body were no longer mine to control.

My flaccid feet were now between Heather's breasts, caressing her lithe, tan body. She was in ecstasy and began moaning, eyes closed. I could see the wetness between her legs, smell her sex. I wanted it. Wanted to touch it. Wanted to love it. I told Heather what I wanted. she looked up at me, her big blue eyes unfocused, her breathing heavy with passion. I nodded.

I saw, but did not feel, my right foot begin to stroke my lover's aroused sex. My left foot flopped to the side, abandoned, as Heather took my right foot in both hands and began to rub her clit, her legs spread wide. I sat and watched and felt a rush of.. what? Excitement certainly, arousal definitely, but something else, something I couldn't really put my finger on.

I rubbed my breasts and moaned with pleasure as I watched as the lower half of my body - and specifically my limp, useless feet - were made love to by the beautiful brown-haired girl before me.

Heather was lost in her passion now, I could see my foot glisten with her joy and hear her pants and feral moans as she came again and again, her orgasms crashing against her like storm-driven waves.

She collapsed, finally, cradling my foot against her cheek and crying, actually weeping, her chest heaving with sobs of expended passion and satiated desire. I sat in my wheelchair, wishing I could stroke her hair, touch her cheek, but between the paralysis and the back brace I knew that was impossible, or at the very least impractical. So I sat there, still playing with my breasts, watching my lover sensually stroke my limp feet.

I smiled.

Blog - What I want for Christmas....

2009-12-13T22:36:00.002-05:00

Prosthetic arms hooks for non amputee

If someone would buy these for me for Christmas, I would TOTALLY do a whole erotic photo shoot with them! I love them!! Heather likes them too... unfortunately they're already almost the cost of our monthly rent and still climbing.

Maybe some day I'll be rich...

Blog - very naughty...

2009-12-08T17:18:00.002-05:00

I had to do a ton of work around the house today getting ready for company later in the week, doing a bunch of laundry and cleaning the kitchen, swiffering the bathrooms - you know, boring stuff.

Of course when I got up I was doing some writing first, only like a half hour, and it made me so horny (I was writing chapter 5 of 'New Arrangement - it will be ready soon my kinky friends, and is it HOT...) and was just so hot and bothered that I took a vibrating buttplug and inserted it, in full vibrate mode, and put my diaper on and satin my wheelchair and did all my housework like that - while also listening to Lady GaGa.

so, first, I am lusting after Lady GaGa lately. Second, sitting on a vibrating buttplug on a gel wheelchair seat is a pretty damn amazing experience. I am glad I wore a diaper, because I would have flooded my seat from the orgasms I had. I'm serious, at one point it was pretty much one continuous orgasm that felt like it lasted 15 minutes.

And yes, I am a died-in-the-wool Lesbian, but I'm sorry, anal penetration feels really good. If you don't believe me, try it.

As I was doing all this I actually killed the (brand new) batteries in the buttplug, though by that point I was so stimulated I didn't actually realize it stopped buzzing for some time, not sure when they died.

I actually considered wearing the plug to work, but there's no way I'd be able to concentrate so I just took it out a little while ago. I'll be wearing a diaper all night though, that's for sure. Still very moist. Maybe I'll just wear slippers into work too, since I'll be in my chair, of course.

Blog - back in the saddle again

2009-12-07T15:38:00.003-05:00

Yeah I was listening to a dinosaur rock station earlier and an old Aerosmith song got stuck in my head. Need to listen to more Lady GaGa.

I'm writing again, I'll have a few new pieces out pretty soon. I've just been dealing with a lot of extra hours at work and some minor depression issues - nothing suicidal, just cranky and really lazy, not wanting to create anything new. I suppose that's natural to some extent this time of year.

So this past weekend Heather and I went out to dinner, me in my chair and blind. It was her idea - even the chair part - and it was quite exciting. She fed me and pushed me around, and I was wearing slippers the whole time and she could play with my feet under the table at the restaurant.

speaking of blind simming - I 'think' Heather will be getting me some special blind contacts for Christmas. I just have a hunch on that. I hope so - fingers are crossed... :)

Blog - Depressed and Annoyed

2009-11-16T14:03:00.005-05:00

Well, it looks like someone may have hacked into my Hotmail account - oddly enough all they did was set up a 'vacation auto-reply' that sent spam. I don't see anything else different. I changed my email password (naturally) so hopefully the damage is minimized.

Of course not so for my iPod, which was stolen out of my wheelchair backpack when I was shopping on Sunday. Yeah - some jerkface actually stole my iPod right out of my backpack. I was with Heather and I was in my chair (of course) and have a generic black backpack I hang off the back, and my iPod was in one of those special 'iPod' pockets, zipped in. One of the stores was pretty crowded, and someone must have just quickly unzipped the pocket and slipped away with my pink iPod nano. I know it was partially PMS but I actually cried when I found it was gone. I mean, seriously, who steels from a chick in a wheelchair? Seriously...

It doesn't help that I think I'm starting to feel that seasonal depression thing - I just don't want to do anything but sit at my computer and play shockwave games and look for crip porn. And I'm not doing particularly well at either of those, even. Heather's the same way, though - we're both just in a seasonal slump of sorts, I guess. No serious relationship issues, we're both just kinda 'blah', you know?

I'm 3/4 done with the latest New Arrangement story but I just can't see where it's going from here, it's getting repetitive I think. I guess I set it up that way - I mean, how much variety can you put into a lesbian BD/SM relationship where the 'Top' is a complete quadriplegic who can only experience sexual fulfillment by having her hair pulled? I've made it interesting, but I still think it's repetitive.

Money is tight right now too - neither of us can work any overtime, that's been cut at both our companies, and there's no holiday bonuses either, so I'm stressing about what to get for Heather and she's stressing about what to do for me, I'm sure. I know it's cliche, but even two kinky bizarre fetish-loving lesbians can get in the dumps over the supposed 'Most wonderful time of the year'.

So that's it, I'm sure nobody really cares about my depressed rambling, everyone is just waiting on new stories. I was doing great there for a while, too. I'll try to get back on the horse this week. Maybe I just need to get laid? I'll bring that idea up with Heather...

I'm not dead

2009-11-09T14:47:00.001-05:00

Yes I realize I've been quiet for a couple weeks, I'm OK, I have my reasons. I'm still working on stories it's just slow going. I might try a flash fiction session soon.

BLOG - how far would you go?

2009-10-12T15:23:00.003-04:00

So, I've been thinking a lot, both in the course of writing more stories and while talking to people at work and online. One of the clinchers was watching a new promo for 'Extreme Wife' with Dawn Porter, a new BBC show exploring marriage customs and traditions around the world.

And of course I put my own spin on it... because that's how I roll ;)

So, how far would a person - I'm thinking woman, specifically, but it could be anyone - how far would a person go to have guaranteed security and safety and wealth? Like Michelle in my 'New Arrangement' story, what would you be willing to give up to be 'happy' and secure in your situation? If you could absolutely guarantee your partner would never cheat on you, never leave you for the rest of your life, would you give up your legs? Paralyzed or amputation? If you could be rich beyond your wildest dreams, would you give up your vision? You arms?

It's not as far-fetched as it might sound with the devotee/wannabe slant on it. Women compromise every day to stay safe and secure in their marriage. Women put up with physical and mental abuse for years and never leave because their husband provides for them, puts a roof over their heads, is a 'good provider' even if he's a bastard. Women in Russia and other places in the world are willing to uproot their whole lives and cultures to get married to Western men they have only met online; the 'Russian Bride' business is still booming, and has even had a devotee element added with some services offering things like amputee Russian brides. There are loads more examples, too, but you get my point.

So we know that women around the world will do lots, put up with lots, to stay married, to stay in that relationship that takes care of their needs, and none of those examples are a guarantee. A Russian bride can be sent back home, and abusive relationships never, ever end well. So if you had a choice, if you could get an iron-clad guarantee that you would be supported, taken care of, treated well, even pampered, and all it would cost was your legs, or your hands, or your eyes... would you?

Of course there's Happiness - something very important here. Could you truly be 'happy' if you became disabled for the sake of security? And if not, then would it be worth it? I think it's easier to be happy in our lives if we have guaranteed emotional and financial security, though, right? I'm pretty sure between 'able bodied and worried about the rent money' and 'paraplegic but wealthy and cared for the erst of my life' the latter woman will be the happier in 90% of cases studied...

Granted I'm not the best person to ask the question of, considering my particular fetishes, but I'm really curious. Would a guarantee of financial and emotional stability, in the form of a good, decent, honest, caring partner/spouse, be worth becoming permanently disabled? And is there a 'scale' there? Like, a comfortable middle-class life with yearly vacations and frequent dinners out might be worth paralysis or a leg amputation, but filthy rich and basking on the yacht might be worth the 'Boxing Helena' treatment?

Blog - gahhhhhh!!

2009-10-09T13:32:00.002-04:00

Some people in this community are just disgusting. I am AMAZED that grown people feel that behavior like this is acceptable, and I am astonished that other 'devotee content producers' bother to put any content at all out there.

You know what? If you aren't adding anything to the community, if you aren't doing anything but lurk and consume thes stories and videos and images that others create, then you have NO FUCKING RIGHT to demand ANYTHING from those of us who DO contribute. Jackass.

And I was feeling really good today too....

STORY - Flash Fiction - What Happened in the Dark

2009-10-07T17:13:00.003-04:00

What Happened in the Dark By ParaGirl

Lisa didn't expect it to hurt so much. She was pretty sure they broke her arm, or maybe just dislocated her shoulder, she wasn't sure. She bit her lip and struggled not to cry out. Her attackers were clumsy, whispering to each other, seemingly unsure of what to even do with her now that they had subdued her. The excitement was there, that red-hot arousal that she always felt a this point, when she was bound, face pressed to the dirt, her panties and skimpy skirt torn from her roughly. Her sex was on fire, she could tell she was soaked, literally dripping with anticipation, waiting for one of these idiot thugs to fuck her, to penetrate her and drive it home, give her that exquisite release....

Lisa knew this was crazy, and unsafe, but she couldn't control herself. Her rape fantasies had grown into rape roleplay with her lovers, and when that didn't work any more, it turned to this. Dressed in skimpy clothes, walking around bad parts of town acting tipsy or drunk. Most of the time, she was helped home by some good samaritin, left frustrated and unable to climax. Sometimes, though - some lowlife or frat boy or thug would take advantage of her, and then...

Finally, she felt a stiff cock press into her and she moaned and shivered as she came in waves of intense pleasure. It was insane, the pleasure, the deep waves of orgasm that filled her. It was better than any drug, better than any experience she had ever had. She could die, definitely, and that was part of the thrill. the throbbing in her arm was gone, and all she was left with was the pleasure as her attacker forced his shaft in and out of her, deeply in and out.

He didn't last long - they never did, rapists. Seemed like half of them were practically eunuchs, two thrusts and they were done. Pathetic. That's why she was actually happy there were two this time. It was more dangerous, of course, but it was worth it as he slipped his cock into her and pulled her hair sharply, calling her a cunt. She came again at that - he was rough, she could tell. He was a dangerous one, and even though her mind knew that her situation had gotten a lot worse, her sex just throbbed more, her ecstasy expanded until it filled her whole body, her whole world. He thrust into her and she cried out - he assumed it was pain or fear, didn't realize it was joy, lust, pleasure the likes of which he had never known.

She could tell he was getting ready to finish, his motions becming more jerky, more erratic, and she reached slowly into her pocket for the high-end pepper spray she kept there, armed and ready. Once they had gotten what they wanted - as she had - she didn't exactly want to stick around for pillow talk. She moaned as another wave of intense pleasure overwhelmed her and her attacker arched his back and let out a muffled moan, then something unexpected happened, something she hadn't planned on.

She pulled out the pepper spray as he came, popping the safety in time with his muffled, orgasmic moan, but then his hands were on her neck, and he was twisting, and then there was blinding pain, and then she was dead.

Wait. She wasn't dead. She opened her eyes. She was still laying beside the grimy loading dock. She could smell oil and garbage and piss, and her breathing was short and sharp. Her head pounded with the rhythm of her quickened pulse, but the rest of her body was covered in a cool numbness that Lisa didn't want to think about. She tried to turn her head, and light and pain flashed sharply behind her eyes again, and she blacked out.

Lisa woke to the antiseptic smells and chaotic sounds of a hospital room. She blinked her eyes painfully at the bright light that was flooding in on her. She heard the rhythmic beeps of some monitor, felt a hose at her nose feeding her cool oxygen. She felt the solid neck brace - well, she felt part of the solid neck brace, pressed against her chin and the back of her head. The rest of her body... not much of anything. That cool numb sensation seemed to start at her neck and radiate downwards. She couldn't move her head, couldn't see her body as she stared up. She remembered it all, every moment of it. She knew. the snapping of her neck. She knew.

Incomplete quadriplegia at the fourth cervical vertebrae. Permanent paralysis. Rehab. Full time care. Words like these filled Lisa's world. This was it. Her thrill seeking had put her in a wheelchair, unable to even scratch her own nose, for the rest of her life. She didn't even cry, not once. She deserved it, in a way - certainly she asked for it. What had she been thinking? She sat limp in her shower harness watching a nurse wash her pussy, and she couldn't feel a thing. that was the worst part to her, she realized - not being in a wheelchair, not being helpless. It was the sex. The pleasure. She started thinking about how she would never feel that amazing, erotic rush again. Never.

Lisa saw him on her third day of rehab. He was in the physical therapy room, helping a middle aged woman steady herself on a leg prosthesis. Lots of cripples here, she thought to herself. He looked familiar, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Couldn't remember where she had seen him. It wasn't until that night, after she had been put in bed by her attendant, after he crept silently into her room with that sinister, deviant grin, that she remembered. He was the one. He was the rough guy. He was the neck-breaker. He was her rapist. And he was coming towards her. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

He came to her bed. He called her a cunt in that same raspy, nicotine-scarred voice, and he pulled the sheets off her paralyzed, useless body. He tore off the bulky diaper she slept in. He unzipped his pants. He got on the bed.

Her orgasm was impossibly good, the ecstasy and depth more than she had every experienced. She smelled his sweat and heard his grunts as he raped her, and her orgasm continued, waves of pleasure filling her crippled body. And, for the first time since she woke up in the hospital, Lisa cried.

BLOG - who wants a story

2009-10-07T14:03:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to put together a new flash fiction story but I'm having trouble coming up with a theme/subject. Anyone out there have any suggestions?

BLOG - so how do I make money?

2009-09-14T18:31:00.001-04:00

So does anyone out there think it's possible for me to make money doing this writing thing? Any place that buys erotic fiction for the disabled....? Just curious.

STORY - Phantom Pain

2009-09-14T15:27:00.001-04:00

The accident shouldn't have been that bad. I mean, it was bad - industrial accidents tend to be bad in general - but it wasn't THAT bad. An industrial laundry cart had broken free of the chain that was pulling it and it slid out of control, right into me. I saw it coming and dove out of the way, just not quite far enough.

I never blacked out. I saw the half-ton cart slam into my lower legs and feet, shattering every bone from my ankles down in spite of my required steel toes work boots. I was in shock initially, of course - seeing your feet crushed in front of you can do that to a girl - but after a couple minutes the pain started to bleed in. I had stopped looking at my feet - or what was left of them - at that point. I didn't need to see them to know they were destroyed. Words like 'amputation' hovered at the periphery of my thoughts, but I wouldn't let them in.

By the time the paramedics were there, starting to cut my boots off, the pain was beyond bearable, and they knocked me out. I fell into immediate and blissful unconsciousness, but my last conscious thoughts were a silent 'good bye' to my feet. I just knew... but I didn't really know. Not just yet.

I woke up four days later, an oxygen feed in my nose and my legs elevated and bandaged - I could see immediately there were no feet there. It was hard to tell the specifics with the heavy bandages on, but it looked like my legs ended two or three inches above my former ankles. The first thing that hit me was the harsh slap of reality, that I was now an amputee, that I had no feet any more. the next thing that hit me, in rapid succession, was the itch. I had an itch between my first and second toe on my left foot. But I had no left foot. I looked, I stared, seeing if there was something I was missing, but my legs definitely ended in round, heavily bandaged stumps. The itch I felt was impossible, but very real and very persistent. I decided to go with it and tried to 'wiggle my toes' to try and get it to stop.

My scream pulled in three nurses, the floor doctor, and another doctor who heard me from the elevator. The pain was intense, sharp, like my foot was being broken and crushed all over again, in slow motion. I cried and tried to claw at my bandages to relieve the pain, to the point where I had to be physically restrained. the gave me a shot of something, but it didn't help, the pain was too intense. They gave me another shot, directly into my stump, saying it was just 'phantom pain' and that it wasn't really there, but still I screamed and cried. Finally, someone gave me something that knocked me out, and again I was blissfully unconscious.

It was severe, chronic phantom pain, that how it was explained to me, and it should 'get better with time' and with therapy. Until then, they had me on a cocktail of painkillers and muscle relaxers that made me loopy and sick to my stomach and had the lovely side effect of making me piss myself once in a while. I was barely coherent when they took my bandages off and I saw my stumps for the first time. I thought they looked pretty - but then again, I was pretty stoned. Even through my haze of painkillers, though, as they touched and cleaned and measured my stumps the white hot pain started bubbling up to the surface of my consciousness. By the time they got the new, thinner bandages onto my rounded stumps I was hyperventilating, feeling my phantom feet twist and fold and snap and burn. I was crying and begging them to knock me out as I felt the pain building to it's crescendo, and once they got an OK from my doctor, they blessedly obliged.

They fitted me for my prostheses, and again even though I was heavily drugged I barely made it through the process. I didn't know how I was going to walk or wear prostheses if every time anything more than a linen sheet touched my stumps they began to hurt at unbearable levels. I was poked and prodded so much, by every specialist in the hospital and beyond, and the general consensus was still just the generic 'phantom limb pain' or my favorite - 'extreme phantom discomfort'. I had a 'discomfort' in mind for them that involved an aluminum softball bat and a rectal exam...

Weeks went by. Then a month. Rehab started. Still, I was drugged to near unconsciousness and still I was dealing with bouts of pain that literally crippled me. Then I met Cathy. My roommate in rehab, she was a quadriplegic from a cycling accident. She had no sensation from her nipples down. In my painkiller-induced haze, I got the beginnings of an idea - just deaden all those nerves that were misfiring, causing all my phantom pain.

I talked to nurses, doctors, but they all said no, it wasn't possible to just deaden those nerves causing my pain. The technology wasn't advanced enough, it was too dangerous they said. Meanwhile I was becoming a junkie and even the huge doses of painkillers I was already taking weren't really cutting it any more. So what else could I do?

I couldn't find anyone to help me willingly, but as I was about to give up I got a lucky break. Without going into details, I took advantage of a desperately overworked medical intern and a mixup in injectible medications. It hurt like hell, even through the painkillers, but after five minutes I knew it had worked. After the terrified intern helped me off the exam table and back into the heavy hospital wheelchair, I told him I had never seen him, had no idea what had happened, and the next morning would suddenly wake up like this... that was my plan anyway...

Things never go quite as planned, of course. Trying to get back into my bed, I was way off balance, my floppy lifeless stumps just a weird dead weight that made it very difficult for me to maneuver myself. I almost made it into bed when I slipped, hitting the floor with a thud, and one of the nurses came running. It was obvious that I was paralyzed, and as soon as the doctors examined me it was obvious why. There's still an ongoing investigation on how I could have gotten that injection, though I keep telling them I did it myself. The important thing is that I am now pain free and medication free. I can't feel or move a thing from my belly down, of course. I'm incontinent, I have no sexual feeling, and I'll be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. But, I'm not in pain - none at all. And personally, I think that's an OK compromise.

STORY - New Arrangement Part 4

2009-09-08T11:00:00.001-04:00

A New Arrangement - Part 4

Michelle, guided by her sexy 'slave' Melissa, spent the next several hours staring at the computer screen, exploring the various worlds of the BD/SM scene. The levels and depths of this world amazed and excited her. Her first and only 'kinky' sexual encounter, with her husband Derek, had left her a quadriplegic, confined to her power wheelchair for the rest of her life, but it had also awakened feelings and desires in her that she never really knew existed. Feelings and appetites she was still trying to get used to.

Melissa was her dutiful slave girl, a fact that turned Michelle on more than she cared to admit. Anything Michelle wanted, no matter how menial or degrading, Melissa would do it instantly, happily. From changing her diapers to kissing her feet to getting her a drink, Melissa would jump to it, always with a smile, always with a 'Yes Mistress'.

Michelle saw websites about extreme bondage, spanking, latex, foot worship, leather, blood play, violet wands, costume play, and so many other things. Some turned her on to a huge degree, others did not, some even bothered and disturned her. Melissa even showed her a few sites that focused on women with disabilities, something that didn't surprise her nearly as much as she thought it should, but given Dereks' confessions to her and the rather extreme route he took to make his fantasy for a helplessly disabled wife come true she supposed it was natural that he wasn't the only person with that interest.

After several hours of exploring the various BD/SM subcultures with Melissa, a woman she now identified with as her submissive, her 'slave', Michelle began to feel not only aroused, but for the first time in her life she began to feel empowered. Yes, she was a complete quadriplegic, paralyzed from her neck down and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life, but with Melissa, there was something more, something stirring deep within her.

"Slave." she said, sounding much more calm than her rapidly beating heart would indicate. Melissa stopped everything and looked at her.

"Yes Mistress?" she said eagerly.

"Sit on my lap, facing me."

"Yes Mistress." Melissa said, her breath quickening. She carefully straddled Michelle's limp legs and wheelchair, spreading her own legs wide and balancing so that she was facing Michelle, her naked breasts almost even with Michelle's mouth.

"Now, start playing with my hair. Gently, softly." Michelle said. Melissa complied, running her fingers through Michelle's hair, breathing heavy. Her fingers traced though Michelle's hair with purpose, tracing sensual lines over Michelle's sensitive scalp. Brushing against Michelle's ears made her heart beat quicker, made her cheeks flush.

"Harder." she breathed, and felt Melissa immediately start to tug at her hair, run her nails through it, across her scalp. Michelle was breathing fast now, heavy, excited, incredibly aroused. She panted half-commands to Melissa and her slave obeyed, until Michelle was on the verge of orgasm, her quadriplegic body reacting in the only ways it could to the intense erotic stimulation.

"Closer." Michelle panted, until her mouth was just about reaching Melissa's breasts. Michelle moved her head forward an inch and began to kiss and lick Melissa's breasts. Melissa moaned and shivered a bit, but continued pulling at Michelle's hair and playing with her neck and ears and face. Michelle was driven to ecstasy and continued kissing and licking and sucking all the sensitive parts of her slave that she could reach.

Michelle tried to hold out but finally let out a loud gasp and shriek of pleasure as the 'quadgasm' ripped through her. She panted and tried to finish playing with Melissa's breasts, but she couldn't manage it - the orgasm and arousal had caused her to lose what little control of her body she had left.

Melissa didn't say anything, she just stroked Michelle's hair gently as she got off her lap. "May I kiss Mistress?" she asked, and Michelle nodded, smiling and still breathing heavily. Melissa kissed her on the cheek, then held her head and kissed her deeply on the lips. The two women kissed deeply, passionately, tongues probing hot and moist, until finally the embrace was broken. Melissa knelt before her quadriplegic mistress and lay her head on Michelle's paralyzed lap, sighing deeply.

"I love you Mistress." she said softly. Michelle didn't reply.

"Please get dressed in your proper uniform." Michelle said an hour later. Derek would be home in a little over an hour, and she wasn't ready to let him know about any of this.

"As you wish Mistress." was Melissa's reply. "Is there anything else Mistress woud like?" she asked hopefully, eyes wide. Michelle wasn't sure what she meant, but then remembered from the websites that a Mistress would force her slave to wear some charm or token that indicated ownership, dominance. Michelle didn't have anything like that, but she did have....

"Under your uniform, you are to wear one of my bulky overnight diapers." she said finally. Melissa smiled broadly. "And you are not to urinate in the toilet, only your diaper, and you will ask my permission before changing it."

"Of course Mistress." Melissa said, her eyes full of desire. "As you wish, my love."

Derek got home to find his quadriplegic wife sitting in her wheelchair watching a DVD and Melissa, her aide, preparing dinner. Michelle was dressed very sexy - stockings and a short skirt, no shoes, and Derek could tell she wore a padded diaper just for him. He kissed her warmly on the cheek, but her eyes wanted more, so he kissed her on the lips and was greeted by a deeply passionate kiss that lasted much longer than he was accustomed to.

"I need my diaper changed." she said into his ear as she took her mouth control between her lips and drove out of the living room and down the wide hallway. Derek followed excitedly. Melissa didn't even look up from her work, but she had a smile on her face and felt arousal as she urinated into her diaper.

Derek was undressed before the door was fully shut, and Michelle's mouth was reaching greedily for his cock. She was still so aroused from her day with Melissa, exploring her newfound power, that she just wanted more. Derek slipped his rock hard cock into her waiting mouth and grabbed her by the hair, gripping firmly and nearly making her cum right then and there. He took control then, pushing and pulling her head as she sucked and licked his white hot shaft.

It only took a few minutes and Michelle felt Derek go rigid, then he shot cum into her mouth, down her throat in hot spurts. He moaned loudly and released her hair from his grasp, and her head plopped back onto her plush headrest. Derek had her out of the wheelchair and onto the king sized bed in no time, and was spreading Melissa's limp legs as she watched, panting and wanting so badly to reach out, to grab his hard cock in her hands, to run her fingers through his hair... But she lay there, her body not obeying a single command, and somehow she was more aroused because of that.

As an able bodied woman her sex life was lackluster at best. Now that she was crippled, confined to a wheelchair, she had two amazing lovers and a newfound sexual identity she had never even guessed at...

Derek was inside her now, holding one of her floppy legs up, cradled under her knee. He thrust his hard cock in and out of her, eyes closed, and she whispered him on, told him how sexy he was, how strong he was, how safe she felt with him. It was when she started talking about her disability, her lack of sensation,lack of movement, that his breath and his pace quickened, and soon he was cuming again, thrusting deeply into her numb sex and crying out, back arched, sweat beading up on his muscular shoulders.

He collapsed beside her, panting, moaning with pleasure. She lay there, unable to move, just listening to him breathing. She wasn't done - she wanted more. She wanted to feel those strong hands caressing her face, her neck, running through her hair. She waited for his breathing to subside a bit.

"Derek." she said, a sultry whisper.

"Yes lover?" he replied, rolling his head to look at her.

"I want.." she started, but he smiled. Reached up and started stroking her head, running his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes and moaned softly. She didn't open them again until after she was wracked with a deep, wonderful orgasm, moaning her satisfaction.

Michelle wheeled into the dining room, Derek having dressed her in a short skirt and t-shirt with knee socks and slippers. Before he arrived, Melissa walked over to her with the appearance of helping her park at the table, but whispered 'May I change my diaper, Mistress?". Michelle nodded with a smile, then added "You may not masturbate. Just change your diaper. Understood?" A combination of excitement and disappointment crossed her slaves face, and Michelle quickly added "I'll take care of that for you, soon." Melissa headed happily to the lavatory to change.

Dinner was a wonderful affair, with Derek happily feeding Michelle chicken and pasta and wine, wiping her chin when he needed to. Melissa was there serving, but stayed out of the way. There was a happiness on her face as well, Michelle thought, just being part of this bizarre little 'family'.

After dinner, Michelle decided that she wanted to watch a movie. Derek set it up for her, but then instead of sitting to watch with her, he headed into the kitchen with his briefcase. He talked to Melissa for a solid fifteen or twenty minutes, then returned to watch the movie. Michelle was curious, and a little concerned, though she didn't know whether she'd feel jealousy towards Derek or Melissa at this point.

"What was all that?" she asked, the fear creeping into her voice.

"What - with Melissa? Just some contracts love, for being a full time live-in caregiver. Didn't I tell you she'd be staying here?"

"Staying where - here in the house?" Michelle said, her eyes wide.

"Yes - to help care for you, just until I'm able to quit my job completely. I hope that's OK? I'm sorry if I didn't..."

"Oh no, it's fine. Wonderful in fact. I'm glad she'll be here - just in case, you know? It makes me feel more..." 'Horny' was what she wanted to say, but 'confident' is what ended up coming out...

Bedtime came far too quickly, but after he got her ready for bed and lay her on her pillows, he began playing with her hair and kissing her neck and cheeks and ears, getting her very excited, all worked up. He stroked her hair, then began gentle pulling and playful tugging, slowly and sensually building it up. finally he was pulling her hair, tugging at it, and kissing her full on the lips, his hot tongue probing her mouth erotically. she came again, loud and strong - at least as strong as a quadriplegic orgasm could be. It felt strong to her, that was what mattered.

When he was sure she was done and satisfied, Derek repositioned her body for her, then took her limp feet in his hands. She watched him rubbing his cock with her soft, limp feet, jerking himself off slowly, eyes closed, enjoying the sensation her crippled feet were providing. His pace picked up and Michelle's legs wobbled with the effort, until finally he came again, shooting hot warm cum all over her useless feet. He collapsed to the bed, breathing heavy, and went to clean off her feet.

"No, don't..." she said, causing him to stop reaching for the washcloth. "I want to keep it on there. Can you help me lick it off?"

Derek obliged gladly, gently taking Michelle's limp leg and flexing it carefully so that she could lick the salty-sweet semen off her own limp foot. She did so greedily, then Derek put her foot back down and tucked her in. Sleep came soon after.

BLOG - Still alive

2009-08-25T15:21:00.002-04:00

Yes, I'm still alive, not updating as much as I originally planned to, sorry about that. I'll try to be better :)

A quick update - I'm currently writing the next chapter of 'New Arrangement', I am making every effort to get that done and posted by end of week. No promises though.

The flash fiction exercises have slowed as I haven't been at my computer a lot, and I've been spending a bit more time with no hands/fingers with which to type, so that slows things down as well. I tried writing something quick using only my toes, but it simply didn't work, sadly. I'd need a lot more practice before I can pull that off.

Other than that, we're just enjoying the summer weather and an unusual amount of together-time, as our schedules are somewhat synchronous right now. At least more synchronous than they usually are, with me on my bastardized second shift and her on an overtime-laden first shift.

Thanks to everyone for the emails and such, I'll try my best to keep up with the blog now, as time allows...

BLOG - so yeah, anyway....

2009-08-17T15:04:00.002-04:00

I'm not deleting Heather's post - we were both a little drunk, but I don't think it was that bad. There ARE a lot of pervs in this subculture, if you don't agree you're living in denial. But I've met a lot of really nice people too, and made some good friends, so it balances out, you know?

Had a fun and exciting weekend overall. Did some blindsimming on Saturday and the amputee thing yesterday, a lot of foot play for Heather. The weather was nice so we did go out lot, enjoying the weather, went out to have ice cream together (me in my chair) and all kinds of stuff.

I'll probably try more flash fiction this week, and I've got another full story about halfway done, it's one of those things that I work on when I get inspired.

blog - typiong with my toes

2009-08-16T12:27:00.002-04:00

i am typing this entirelywith my tose - actually with a pencil griped between them. its hard as hell. heather is going nuts over it though.

Hi all you readers. There really is a Heather - that's me. I've got Cathy's arms bound up again, and I just stole the keyboard and there's not a ot she can do about it, LOL. I did it this morning and I'm making her use her feet for everything - EVERYTHING. And no you can't have a picture - stop asking her that!

Ta Ta!

Heather & Cathy

PS - Cathy is yelling at me as I type this, but I do think a lot of you are pervs. Some of you seem really sweet, but I think a lot of you are total pervs. Don't worry, Cathy is too, believe me. She'll probably delete this once I give her her arms back, but for now... LOL!

BLOG - Another Flash

2009-08-13T15:56:00.001-04:00

Did a story today, another 'Flash Fiction' exercise that went a LOT differently than I had thought it would. The concept was simple - I would imagine I was newly injured, low level quadriplegic, and it was my first day back at work after the accident.

Well, it went in a much different direction that I initially thought it would - much more bitter, but much more realistic I think. I don't think I was writing from the standpoint of 'me', the wannabe and fetishist. I actually seemed to almost channel what a 'normal' woman would feel if she were in that situation.

She doesn't actually get to work in the story - it's her morning routine, mostly, and her reflections on her situation. As with the last and my 'rules' for flash fiction, I wrote it in a little over an hour, no edits or rewrites, just a standard spell check.

I'm curious to know what people think.

STORY - First Day Back

2009-08-13T15:53:00.002-04:00

Flash Fiction - First Day Back by ParaCathy

Cathy used her wrists and palms to grasp the soft sheets, tossing them to the side and uncovering herself. She pushed herself up with some effort, using her forearms and elbows as she learned in rehab, until she was sitting, then pulled her limp, numb lower body a foot, so she was leaning against the oak headboard.

It was her first day back at work since the accident, and she was nervous, couldn't sleep. She woke up an hour before her alarm, which was already set an hour earlier than it had been before... before her jogging accident, before her broken back, before...

She looked to her left, to the chrome and black wheelchair that sat there, wheels locked, ready to carry her, to take her wherever she needed to go. She focused back on her normal routine, the routine that had been drilled into her over weeks and weeks of rehab.

Her braces were first, and she used her wrists and mouth to pull on the nylon and plastic splints, holding her wrists rigid, her lifeless fingers curled against her palm. She pressed the Velcro closures and then went to work on her diaper. It was a bulky overnight diaper that she hated, but also understood she needed. Changing her sheets every other day would be much more taxing - and more embarrassing, considering the reason behind it. She remembered the first time she saw the nurses change her sheets after she had wet them, and blushed a little, embarrassed at the memory.

Using her braced wrists and hands, she was able to remove the nighttime diaper and dispose if it, then took out some cleansing wipes and cleaned herself. There was no feeling, no sensation, nothing at all any more, not from her nipples down. Feet, legs, sex, stomach - it was all just numb now, useless. It was still her, of course - her body, her parts - but they were different now. She was different now.

Her panties were next. No more exotic thongs, though. She pulled open her nightstand drawer using the pull-loop that Miranda had added to it for her. Pulled out a pair of pink cotton panties and a 'protective undergarment' - a fancy way to say a small diaper, again in case she didn't cath in time, or her schedule was off a little. She struggled first to pull her limp left leg up until her knee just about hit her chest, then struggled with her mostly useless hands to get the panties on over her curled left foot. She did it, then pulled up the right leg and, after a few tries, finally got that leg into the panties too. Then it was just using her braced wrists to pull the panties up her unmoving legs, until they were up to her thighs. She slipped in the padded diaper insert and pulled them all the way up, rolling her hips side to side clumsily to get them all the way up.

Her bra was next - no more Victoria Secret for her. No way she could manage the clasps. She pulled an adapted bra over her head and pushed her arms through it, then used her braced wrists to pull and push it into place over her full - though half numb - breasts.

This process had already taken a full twenty five minutes and Cathy was feeling frustrated. She hadn't even made it into her wheelchair yet, hadn't even tried getting her stockings on. She had don it a few times in rehab, as she liked wearing stockings and pantyhose, but she knew it would be hard, that she might not even manage it.

She pulled a pair of nude pantyhose from her drawer and began the laborious process of scrunching them up onto her limp hands. First her left leg, floppy dead weight. She pulled the scrunched hose over her curled foot and began pulling it up past her ankle, to her calf, using her wrists and braced palms. Then the same process for the right leg, scrunching the hose over her crippled hands, then pulling the stretchy material over her unfeeling foot, up her leg, matching the level of the left. Then she pulled and slid and manipulated her stockings, her legs, her half-dead hands, to get the hose up her limp legs, up to her hips, tugging and pulling, rolling her hips from side to side like they showed her in rehab. Smoothing the stockings out with her braced hands, her wrists.

It took her another half hour. Thirty two minutes, to be exact - she was keeping track on the digital clock by the bedside. Thirty two minutes to put on a pair of nude colored pantyhose. And they still didn't set right on her right foot, the toe was noticeably crooked, but she didn't have the energy or the patience to fix it. She was just satisfied, even proud, that she had gotten it done all by herself. Something so simple a few months ago, barely a second thought in her daily routine, but now....

Cathy grabbed her smooth transfer board from the bedside and propped it between the bed and her wheelchair, pushing thoughts of 'before' out of her head. It would drive her to madness, thinking of 'before', because with a broken back and a diagnosis of low-level quadriplegic there was no 'before'. There was just 'here and now'. Just ugly words like 'wheelchair' and 'cripple' and 'catheter' and 'assisted devices'.

She began the slow, careful transfer into her wheelchair, first setting the transfer board firmly, moving her buttocks onto it, slipping her already atrophied legs off the bed limply, getting her balance - or what was left of it. She pushed with one braced hand, pulled with the other, slid her bottom over the smooth transfer board into the seat of her wheelchair. Seat belt first - she made that mistake already, second day home, and toppled to the floor. The Velcro belt was secured in place, then she started pulling her legs into the chair's legrests. Positioning them as best she could, though her toes always flopped and pointed in odd directions now. Not very ladylike, but then again was she even still a lady? Or just some 'thing' in a chair, numb and lifeless from her nipples down? The things that made her a woman now foreign to her, familiar yet distant, like an aunt you remember form childhood but haven't seen in decades.

She moved the transfer board back to it's spot by the bed and pushed on the knobbed rims of her manual chair, using the strength in her biceps and triceps to move herself, turning towards the door. She could have had a power chair - probably should have had a power chair. Hell, wished she had a power chair the first time she wheeled over moderate carpet, and Miranda's parent's house. She had to ask for help, she couldn't get the chair moving once it had stopped. Too much resistance from that plush carpeting. She cried that night on the way home. Miranda held her hand, but she barely felt it.

She made it to the bathroom and started that process. Pulling down her pantyhose, then her panties and diaper, took a while, but wasn't as difficult in her chair. She took out the catheter, cleaned everything as she was expected to, and then proceeded to 'do her business'. The color looked OK, no infections or other things to call the doctor about. She still had a hard time getting used to things like that, checking her pee. Just part of the deal now - lots of ways to land back in the hospital when you can't feel two thirds of your body. Infection, pressure sores, circulation problems. The doctors had gone over so many things, showed her films that were more like horror movies than medical treatments. And this was her life now.

She finished, cleaned everything, then took her 'adapted' hairbrush - that would be a regular hairbrush with a loop around the handle that cost $40 instead of the normal $8. She slowly and clumsily brushed her hair, hated the way it looked, brushed it again, made it worse, then finally got it to a point where it was at least passable. Small victories were about the best she hoped for since the accident.

Done in the bathroom she wheeled to her closet, all her clothing now hanging 'wheelchair height', and picked out a very conservative skirt and blouse. The skirt was, of course, 'adaptive clothing' - specially made for someone in a chair, someone who wouldn't be standing up in it. She pulled on the white blouse and used the 'button puller' to get it buttoned up. A simple tool, she actually thought it would have been handy even before her accident, when she could use her hands, because it made buttoning her blouse very simple. After her blouse, she took the skirt - Velcro closures and a specially cut waist helped her to get it on without too much struggle, though it still took her nearly ten minutes to get it on and fastened properly. She pushed herself to the floor length mirror and looked at herself.

She tried to see 'Cathy' - her face, the curve of her breasts, the fall of her auburn hair. Instead she saw the wheelchair. She saw her useless legs. She saw the braces on her hands. She saw her curled feet. She saw the silver SUV that had thrown her twelve feet into the air as she was jogging, shattering her spine. She saw the rest of her life in a wheelchair. She turned her eyes away.

She wheeled to the kitchen and started the coffee, then took out some bread and slid it into the toaster. Everything was 'adapted' for her, true, but it was still a pain in the ass. Just putting something within easy reach didn't really make it easier for someone who couldn't move or feel her fingers, she thought bitterly, grabbing a coffee mug between her wrists and placing it under the Keurig machine. Once it was heated up, she dropped a K-Cup into the hopper and hit the flashing button, the machine whirring to life and brewing her morning coffee.

She ate her toast and slowly drank her coffee, watching CNN, talking heads debating about something or someone she had never heard of. She used to be so interested in the news, wanting to sound 'informed' and 'worldly'. Now her world was very different, and she really didn't care about those things any more. Her world was about getting through the day without falling out of her wheelchair or spilling her drink all over herself or pissing herself. that was about the biggest deal in world events she could handle at this point.

Things would get better, that was the mantra in rehab. Not her legs, not her hands, but 'things'. They meant, of course, that with practice and rehab and exercise and adherence to a 'program', living with her disability would get better, be more managable, daily tasks would seem less daunting. But that was after years. Maybe three or four of five of them. ans some things she would never 'get used to'. Never just 'accept and move on'. That was from Mike, one of her rehab coaches, who had been a paraplegic for a decade. A decade in a chair, and the only ray of hope he could give her was 'It will get better, but it will take a few years, at least'. Awesome.

And it was her first day back at work.

She wheeled to the door and reached over to the plant stand she had converted to her 'easy-reach shoe storage'. She only had one pair of 'approved' shoes, black leather things that were 'good for her feet' and 'protective' but looked like an elderly librarian had designed them. She lifted her limp left leg first and slipped the shoe onto her curled foot, making sure her toes weren't pinched or twisted, then placed her foot back onto the foot bar. She did the Same for the right, almost dropping the shoe but catching it by pressing it between her left leg and forearm, then struggling to manipulate it back into position. She got it on and placed her foot back on her footrest, trying to position her feet 'normally', but no matter what she tried they always slid or flopped back into looking 'wrong' - curled and turned in at her ankles. She stopped fidgeting with them in annoyed defeat and wheeled to her desk, rummaging through her paperwork, making sure she had her door card, her ID badge. Work had elevators and ramps, she wasn't worried about that nearly as much as what her co-workers would do, what they would say. She was going to feel like she was in an aquarium or zoo exhibit for a few weeks, she was sure.

She told herself she was ready for it, but as the clock ticked closer and closer to the time she had to meet the car they were sending, the wheelchair accessible transport they were providing until she got her license back, she wasn't as sure. She was starting to feel nervous. Afraid.

The clock struck eight thirty and she wheeled out of her apartment, taking her keys and placing her leather bag on her lap. She wheeled down the hall, pushing against the knobs on her rims with her braced palms, and reached the front door. She pressed her door card to the panel on the wall and it swung open for her. She saw the 'car' - an adapted mini-van with the side lift already down and waiting for her - and wheeled up to it , forcing a smile at the driver, and elderly gentleman. He locked her chair to the lift and raised her up eight inches, then she wheeled into the vehicle and loced her chair by the window. The lift folded in and the doors closed, and she was suddenly on her way...

Blog - Twitter feed

2009-08-11T14:43:00.000-04:00

I'm going to start using Twitter a bit more, and I've linked this blog to my Twitter feed, so any blog post I make should automatically be posted to Twitter as well, in case anyone was following me.

BLOG - Flash Fiction

2009-08-11T13:32:00.003-04:00

I've started trying a new idea for my writing. The concept is to just take an idea and create a really short story around it, just write it out in one sitting, no edits or rewrites or rethinks, nothing more than spelling or minor grammar corrections, and then publish it.

I tried it today and I like the result - it's posted in the previous entry. It's called 'Tit for Tat' and I wrote it in about 45 minutes, one sitting, no edits, I just did a spell check at the end and published it. It's extreme and kind of crazy and lacks a lot of detail, but what's there is the pure, raw concept of my idea brought into focus. Two women with a disability fetish and a mean streak, having at one another. Who will win? Well - we all do, I guess :)

STORY - Tit for Tat

2009-08-11T13:22:00.002-04:00

Tit for Tat - By Paragirl

I feel my way to the bed, crawling slowly across the floor. My legs are dead - they have been for a week, at least. The eyes are new, though, and I know this blindness is permanent, just like the legs.

I know she's watching me, on the bed trying trying not to make a sound. Her arms - rather her stumps, that was my doing - wiggling and trying to reach her pussy as she watches me struggle. I'm sure she's turned on by it, by my new found helplessness. The legs were one thing - it was pretty kinky actually, waking up numb from my hips down, seeing her fucking my numb pussy with that silver dildo. Fucking my unfeeling ass over and over again while I watched. I could have been OK like that, with my dead limp legs, needing a wheelchair to get around. It still pissed me off, though - that was why I did her arms.

She wasn't as excited or understanding, waking up from her drug-induced slumber to find herself looking at perfectly round arm stumps that wiggled just beneath her shoulders. I fed her and played with her pussy, rubbing her wet clit with my floppy crippled toes, and she started getting into it, but I knew... I could see it in her eyes. I should have been more careful, I guess...

We made love often for a few days, and she really seemed to be enjoying her armless condition. She loved being fed, loved being dressed by me. She said she felt like a doll. I paid lots of attention to her pussy, too - she could feel it at least, so I took good care of her that way. My pussy was dead, numb, like it didn't even exist. I couldn't even control my pee, so I wore bulky diapers. She loved that. She'd use her feet to play with my diaper, pull it off roughly, play with my dead sex and tell me how sexy it felt. How sexy my floppy useless legs looked.

I crawled now, across the plush rug of the bedroom, - I could feel it against my naked breasts as I dragged myself, though my body 'ended' conspicuously at my navel. I haven't really gotten used to that yet, and now that I was blind, it seemed to heighten my awareness even more - my awareness of my lack of awareness, my lack of feeling, sensation, movement. How my body was just dead weight, dragging behind me, soft and heavy and useless.

I found the bed and I heard the soft sound of a spring changing shape subtly as she shifted her weight in anticipation. I could imagine how hot she was now, seeing me drag myself blindly across the room, seeing my milky white eyes and limp lifeless legs. I assumed they were milky white - that seemed like something she would do, make it more obvious, more pronounced. It was eye drops, I'm pretty sure. Something simple, and she trained herself to use her toes to pull my eyes open while I was unconscious, to drip whatever toxin she had found into both eyes. I was kind of proud, really - she had learned to do so much with her feet and toes in a very short time. That's why they were next.

I reached the bed and slowly, laboriously dragged my dead lower half up. I heard her this time. A small moan and a giggle. I imaged how my legs wiggled and flopped as I struggled up the bed. I reached out and found her foot there, warm and seductive. I used her leg as purchase to pull myself up fully onto the bed, and then crawled towards her. Kissed her legs, her thighs. I moved slowly, sensually. Kissing and licking. Feeling her all over, my fingers replacing my blind eyes. Felt the soft fur of her muff, felt a smooth dimple in her left ass cheek, felt her breathing start to get deeper, heavier.

My fingers found her stumps and I caressed and rubbed them sensually, making her moan even more. I felt her legs shifting under my body and, even though I couldn't feel a thing, couldn't see it, I knew she was playing with my clit. I kissed and caressed her stumps and her breasts and snuck one hand down to her pussy, rubbing it gently, feeling how wet and aroused she was. She was playing with my pussy with her toes and I was sucking her arm stump and fingering her. She was almost ready to cum, I could feel her heartbeat racing, feel her muscles tensing. She was completely mine now, and she let her guard down completely, as I expected.

she didn't suspect anything because I was naked, and I was crippled, and I was blind. She didn't think I was a threat. Didn't see me move my hand around to my back. Didn't see me slip the capped syringe out of my numb ass. Didn't realize what I was doing as I was feeling her ass. Didn't feel the needle slip in during her orgasm. Then she was out cold.

The operation would be more difficult without eyesight, but bilateral amputation of the feet and lower legs wasn't a very tricky procedure. Doing it by feel wouldn't be all that difficult. and the results would be so very, very satisfying...

I smiled and began.

Chatting and Cheating?

2009-08-05T08:57:00.002-04:00

So I chat a lot, and often those chats tend to be very sexual, erotic, kinky, just downright naughty. I never really considered that 'cheating' on heather, but lately I'm having second thoughts. Last night I had a long, hot, steamy chat that resulted in multiple orgasms. I have never seen nor met the person I was chatting with, I don't even know what she looks like, or indeed like so many internet chats if 'she' was even a 'she'.

It was just typing, that's what I've always told myself. Typing and reading and masturbating, true - but how is that different from reading some erotic story and masturbating to that? Is it? I'm not sure any more.
the real problem came last night after Heather got home and asked what I had been doing all afternoon - not in a bad way, just typical conversation, a 'how was your day' kind of query - and I lied. Looked right at her, smiled, and lied. Said I checked email and did some laundry and watched some TiVoed episodes of The Closer.

Well, I DID check email, and I DID watch half an episode of The Closer while sitting on the couch basking in the 'afterglow' of multiple orgasms and hot cyber fantasy. But I couldn't tell her. I felt like it somehow crossed a line - that all this sexual chatting crosses a very real line in my very real relationship. I could always insulate myself before, because I have a very very strict policy of never meeting or even calling people I meet online, because of really bad past experience, so I could easily tell myself there was nothing 'real' about it. Just words on a screen, just fantasy.

I don't think that's true anymore. I don't think it ever was. I think that for two-plus hours yesterday afternoon I was cheating on my girlfriend, seriously hardcore cheating on her, and I feel really, really awful about that right now. I'm not sure what's changed, but something has. Something has shifted my perceptions or something.

So what do you think? Are you in a relationship? What if your partner was sitting at home having a long, steamy, erotic chat with someone on the computer, having multiple orgasms? He or she would never plan on meeting this chat partner physically, not even call them on the phone - it's just chat on the computer. Would that matter to you? If you could see them, from some hidden room, watch them type and get naked and stick a dildo in or finger themselves or jerk off, would it feel any less like betrayal than if you were watching them make love to a person physically? Is it different? Is it less wrong just because it's easier?

I love my girlfriend. I hope some day the laws in this nation would be progressive enough to allow her to become my wife. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I guess I always did. So why is it bothering me so much now?

BLOG - Our Vacation

2009-08-03T09:07:00.003-04:00

OK, so I've gotten about three dozen emails asking to detail our vacation. I'm not going to go into GREAT detail (I.E. this won't be a porn story) but I can let people know what we did and stuff...

First off, we decided (with the help of the poll I ran here) that I would go in my wheelchair. We had already decided that I would go with a disability, obviously, and Heather was fine with the wheelchair, as she knows that's what I identify with most. We did bring a few extra 'props' of course - don't' leave home without them - but as far as the room and all regular arrangements, I was a wheelchair user. We never said 'paraplegic', just 'wheelchair user'.

So we went to a REALLY nice inn/spa in Vermont, a very GLBT friendly place that's actually owned by a really sweet Lesbian couple. We didn't need to book a 'wheelchair accessible' room because it was all one level and all the rooms were set up so that I had no issues with my wheelchair. The toilet even had grab bars, which was nice, and the whole place was laid out in an easy, casual way that made wheeling very easy. No stairs to speak of, a few little 'drops' that Heather had no trouble helping with.

The Inn was a very private 'romantic getaway' kind of place, and we took advantage of that a LOT. We got daily massages together, I got my first ever 'mud wrap' which was interesting, and Heather got a 'hot stone massage' which was like $100 but she said it was so amazing.

We had really nice dinners every night, a few at the inn and others out in town, me always in my chair naturally. We went out on Friday night to a VERY elegant place about 40 minutes away from the spa, someplace the concierge at the inn told us about, and we dressed up really fancy, Heather in a really sexy red dress and thigh-hi stockings and me in a really pretty charcoal dress and complimenting hose, with no shoes. I think we definitely got looks, that's for sure - though probably more for the way we were holding hands and cuddling than me being in a wheelchair.

I did make a few compromises for the week - the biggest was 'no diapers', as Heather just wasn't into that. I was cool with it, as I was being treated as a wheelchair user the whole week and pampered and treated like a queen... And it was mostly Heather paying for it since it was like a $2500 getaway and there's NO WAY I could pay for that on my shitty salary....

Other things we did that might interest people - on Wednesday morning Heather got me a REALLY nice, high-end amazing practically ORGASMIC pedicure (which she say and watched, and I think had a little mini-orgasm from), and then right afterward we went back to our room, put the 'do not disturb' sign on our door, and Heather bound my arms so I was DAE amputee, and I stayed that way until dinner time. Heather spent the whole time making me do things with my newly pedicured feet, like trying to lift a pen, write my name.... eventually I learned to use my feet to use a vibrator on Heather and she came about a dozen times as I used my feet and toes to play with her. That was really hot, I have to admit - armless is fast becoming my second favorite disability fantasy, and I REALLY want to try hooks at some point - not sure that will ever happen, but I'd like to try it... though I know for 'real life disability' wheelchair is the only thing I'd choose.

So we're back now, after a really lovely time. We're still planning a blindsimming weekend getaway soon, probably by mid-august, just need to get the final plans taken care of, and it can't cost a lot, since we spent a LOT on this last vacation. I'm back to working on some new stories, including the 'New Arrangement' series that people seem to enjoy a lot. I'm going other things too, though, don't worry :)

BLOG - Sorry it took so long

2009-07-31T16:26:00.002-04:00

Sorry it took so long for this update, we went on vacation and had a GREAT time, but I haven't had a lot of time to write or update, and twitter is a pain in the ass to use from my phone - I need one with a keyboard I guess...

Anyway, I have a few more stories on the way. I've had a lot of requests for a continuation of the 'New Arrangement' story so I'm working on that, but it actually went in a somewhat different direction due to some new 'interests' Heather and I have been exploring. As always, let me know what you think....

NEW Story - New Arrangement Part 3

2009-07-31T16:15:00.002-04:00

New Arrangement Part 3

Michelle awoke to warm sunlight pouring into her large, well appointed bedroom. She assumed the bed was warm and plush, but she really had no idea, as she had no feeling at all from her chin down. She was a quadriplegic, officially having broken her neck in a bad fall, but only she and her husband knew the truth - she had been paralyzed during sex, partly for a huge payout of insurance money, and partly for her husbands fetish for helpless women. In any case, this was her life now - paralyzed from her neck down, unable to move anythign but her head, confined to a power wheelchair. the worst part about it was the fact that, somehow, she was really starting to enjoy it.

Michelle hated to work, hated to do much of anything, which had been where her and Derek had started the conversation that ended in her current condition. Now she didn't have to do a thing - well, technically couldn't do a thing - and as much as it was frightening and frustrating and annoying, it was also comfortable, sensual, even erotic. To see Derek use her limp, unfeeling legs and feet to pleasure himself, to watch him lovingly clean her pussy and put on her diaper. Dress her, feed her. Fuck her. She was loved and cared for and basically worshiped, and all she had to give up was all movement and feeling from her neck down. Overall, Michelle thought to herself, not a bad trade.

She called out to Derek that she was awake and ready for her morning routine, when she saw a very attractive redhead in a white nurses' outfit come into the room, smiling brightly.

"Hi Michelle, I'm Melissa. Derek had to leave for work, something about an early morning conference, but I'll be taking care of you during the daytime."

"Hi Melissa. Derek told me about you, I just wasn't expecting you so soon. It's nice to meet you. I'd get up and shake your hand, but..." Michelle smiled. Melissa smiled back, something 'extra' in her glance that made Michelle a little curious.

Melissa was very professional and very thorough taking care of Michelle's morning routine. Melissa changed her diaper - as Michelle still preferred the diapers, and she knew Derek liked them as well - then dressed her in a very flattering, soft and comfortable dress. Michelle assumed it was comfortable, at least - she had no idea any more - but it was soft slipping over her face, she liked the feel of it.

Next Melissa used the lift to get Michelle into her wheelchair, positioning her limp arms and legs, then strapping her in securely. She used the attendant control to drive Michelle into the large bathroom, and then started brushing Michelle's shoulder length hair. It was this that began getting Michelle worked up, got her feeling aroused, feeling hotter and hotter as the hairbrush slipped though her soft hair. She was trying not to moan, not to react, not wanting to make Melissa feel uncomfortable on her first day, but she couldn't help herself, uttering 'oh god, pull my hair' in what she thought was a near-silent whisper. Melissa continued brushing her hair, but added in some gentle yet meaningful tugs, until finally Michelle couldn't take any more and she moaned with pleasure, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensations she was feeling.

Instead of backing off or running in embarrassed terror, Melissa continued stroking and brushing Michelle's hair, more sensually now, adding in a few gentle tugs with her fingers. Michelle was breathing heavy, moaning with every tug and pull of her hair, until finally...

"Ohhhhh god....." Michelle moaned aloud. Her body was limp, totally still, but there was no question that she had a powerful orgasm from the hair brushing and pulling. Melissa said nothing, but Michelle saw the smile on her face.

"So, was that part of the normal service you offer?" Michelle asked after the bathroom routine was complete. It was obviously not a complaint.

"No, actually... first time." Melissa said quietly. "Never met anyone who was... affected in that way. By hair brushing, I mean."

"It's new to me as well, believe me." Michelle said. "Never thought I'd ever feel aroused again after my accident, but the hair thing... it was unexpected, but not unwelcome. I tried to keep quiet as you were brushing me, but..."

"It's OK, Michelle. At first I thought you were uncomfortable, but once I understood what was happening, I.... I guess I couldn't help myself. I hope I didn't overstep any bounds..."

"If you did, I'm thankful for it." Michelle giggled. "I was sure you'd feel uncomfortable and quit if I had an orgasm every time you brushed my hair."

Melissa laughed warmly. "Nope - if that's the worst I have to put up with here, I'm moving in tomorrow! Besides, orgasms are very healthy, didn't you know that?" she giggled as she made some oatmeal for Michelle's breakfast.

"I'll have to remember that - it's part of my new 'health regimen' I guess... I just wish I could return the favor."

Melissa giggled a little too much at this, and Michelle thought she looked uncomfortable.

"Sorry Melissa - I guess I'm just a little more comfortable with my condition than others are."

"It's not that, Michelle, I'm fine with your disability. I'm more than fine with it, really..." Melissa stroked Michelle's cheek. "I find it very sensual, to be honest. It's part of the reason I took the job. I hope you're OK with that."

Michelle was conflicted for a moment, then smiled. "So kiss me already." she said.

"Are you sure? What about your husband?"

"Believe me - he wont' complain." Michelle said, thinking to herself that it was Derek that put her in this wheelchair, and the only thing keeping him out of jail was her keeping quiet. He couldn't begrudge her a few small 'extracurricular activities' now that she was a cripple - especially since he was still working every day, something he promised her he wouldn't do. She had needs, and being a complete quadriplegic, naturally she needed help with those needs. Melissa kissing her, helping her to have orgasms, well that was little different than masturbation for her now that her body was no longer hers to control.

Melissa didn't wait for a second invitation, and began kissing Michelle deeply and passionately, stroking her hair and her cheeks. Michelle returned the passion as best she could with only her head and lips able to respond, wishing she could do more. By the time Melissa broke contact, however, Michelle saw that her blouse was open and she was using Michelle's limp hand to caress her erect nipples, and she was flushed and breathing heavily.

"You know what Derek likes?" Michelle asked, her breathing also heavy as she was feeling more and more aroused. "He takes my limp little feet and he... " she tried to think of a less crude way of saying it, but Melissa understood immediately

"Jerks off with them?" she said with a giggle.

"Yes - and I'll admit, it's hot!" Michelle said, also with a girlish giggle.

"I'll bet..." Melissa said, placing Michelle's mouth control within her reach. "Want to have some breakfast?"

Michelle took the mouth control between her lips and guided her wheelchair through the living room and into the large kitchen. She noted the sound her her tires as they went from the hardwoods to the tiled kitchen floor, imagining her limp legs and floppy feet wobbling a little as she hit the small but perceptible bump at the transition between the floor types.

Breakfast was nice, with Melissa feeding her orange juice, a waffle, and some fresh fruit. Michelle still wasn't used to being fed, but the way Melissa did it was nice, it felt comfortable, even pleasurable as Melissa wiped her chin or brushed a hair off her forehead. Whenever Derek fed her, there was a lust in his eyes, a deep desire that was burning just below the surface. Michelle liked that, to be sure - but with Melissa it was different. There was a kind of caring there, mixed in with a more sensual desire. If Michelle could have reached out and touched Melissa's cheek, she would have.

Breakfast was done and Michelle guided her wheelchair to the spare bedroom that had been set up as Michelle's physical therapy room. Melissa gently lifted Michelle's paralyzed body, laying it on the exercise mat that was set up.

"Why don't you take off my dress, Melissa. Wouldn't want to get it sweaty." Michelle said "and while you're at it, you can get more comfortable too." Melissa removed Michelle's dress without question, so Michelle was laying there on the mat in her diaper. Unexpectedly, however, Melissa removed her entire uniform as well, so she was naked, her body tan and firm. Her nipples erect.

Melissa began at Michelle's legs, doing all the required physical therapy movements and stretches, but in ways Michelle had never experienced. Each movement, each position was like the most erotic tantra yoga. Michelle watched as her legs and arms were moved and manipulated, her flaccid muscles stretched and lovingly caressed by Melissa. Michelle saw Melissa's strong fingers kneading into the soft tissues of her thighs and she wished she could spread her useless legs and invite Melissa in. She closed her eyes and fantasized that Melissa was making love to her, kissing and licking her unfeeling body, her fingers and tongue exploring every inch of Michelle. Michelle moaned as she fantasized, and as she opened her eyes it was no longer a fantasy. Michelle watched helpless as Melissa caressed her own body with Michelle's limp fingers, her curled feet. She lay there and watched as Melissa moved sensually around her, still doing the physical therapy movements, but now as part of a slow, sensual, erotic ballet that Michelle felt both a part of and detached from at the same time.

"I feel strange." Michelle said, and Melissa knew what she meant by 'strange'. "Tell me what you need, Michelle. I'm here for you..." Melissa said, still rubbing and massaging Michelle's limp body.

"I need...." Michelle didn't say it, but Melissa kissed her on the lips, pressed her nipples to Michelle's lips. Michelle licked and sucked the warm breasts greedily, using all the movement her body had left to offer, teasing and sucking those nipples as Melissa started stroking and pulling her hair. Michelle was breathing heavy, her face flushed, her pulse quickening as the feelings of pleasure filled her. Then Melissa stopped. Michelle looked up at her, questioning.

"I need something from you..." Melissa said, flushed and breathing heavy, her naked skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat. Michelle rolled her eyes down, looking at her quadriplegic body as it lay immobile on the floor mat, then back to Melissa.

"Anything more than laying here horny is going to be a problem, I think." Michelle said with a smile, but her eyes were still looking at her naked nurse with a burning curiosity.

"I'm a submissive." Melissa said with what appeared to be some effort. Michelle didn't understand. "I mean, I'm not good at initiating things like this, Michelle. I need you to..."

"To what?" Michelle asked, still not quite understanding.

"To give me orders. To tell me what to do. To command me." Melissa said, her cheeks getting flushed. "I'm sorry, this is difficult to explain." she said, and Michelle thought she might be losing her nerve. She had an idea and went for it.

"Then stop explaining and start kissing my feet, nurse." Michelle said sharply. The reaction was instant and, for Michelle, unexpected. Melissa dropped to her knees, said 'Of course Mistress.', and began kissing and sucking on Michelle's unfeeling feet.

Michelle tried other commands, telling Melissa to kiss her breasts, suck her fingers, nibble on her breasts. she watched as Melissa seemed almost physically compelled to obey. It was arousing - it was more than arousing - to watch this attractive, naked woman crawling on the floor, kissing and manipulating Michelle's paralyzed body in any way Michelle wished.

"Kiss me, nurse" Michelle said, and immediately felt Melissa's lips pressed to hers. "Pull my hair." Michelle whispered, and Melissa's slender fingers worked their way into Michelle's sensitive scalp, sending sparks through her - at least the parts she could feel, anyway.

Melissa was amazing when she was being commanded and Michelle was getting the hang of it. After a short time, Michelle was screaming with pleasure, her body and mind wracked with 'quadgasms' as Melissa touched and stroked and pulled her hair and kissed and nibbled her lips.

Michelle realized after a time that they were done - she was in a fog, still somewhat dazed from the exercise, and Melissa lay beside her smiling and breathing heavily, staring at Michelle.

"What can I do for you now, dear?" Michelle asked, wanting to return the amazing sexual favor somehow. Melissa's expression softened a bit.

"Mistress, you don't ever need to do anything for me. Caring for you and doing as you wish is all I desire. I just hope I am a good sla-... I mean, that I am a good nurse and caregiver."

"A good what?" Michelle asked, having caught the minor slip in Melissa's comment. "I command you to tell me the truth."

"A good slave, Mistress." Melissa said, her cheeks flushing and her eyes brightening.

"Sit in my wheelchair." Michelle said.

"Yes Mistress." Melissa said, and immediately sat in Michelle's large power wheelchair.

"Drive yourself close to me. Closer. Slowly." Melissa drove the chair slowly and carefully, following Michelle's every word, until the wheelchair was parked exactly where Michelle wanted it.

"Now lower your toes on the footrests. A little more. There. Now I want to make you cum as you sit there, you understand?" Michelle said, now looking up at Melissa's bare feet and toes just above her face.

"Yes Mistress, as it pleases you." Melissa said softly. Michelle could tell she was excited already, even though she had no idea what Michelle was up to.

"And you are to leave your arms on the armrests, is that clear?" said Michelle.

"Yes Mistress." Melissa said, her breathing heavy again, cheeks flushed.

Without another word, Michelle rolled her head and craned her neck enough to pull Melissa's big toe into her mouth. She used her lips and tongue to kiss and suck and nibble on Melissa's toes, and Melissa's reaction was exactly what Michelle had hoped for. As she sucked on Melissa's sensitive toes and licked her feet, Melissa cried out in two, possibly three orgasms. Michelle was pleased that her plan had worked, smiling as Melissa sat in her wheelchair, eyes closed, breathing heavy. Michelle realized that Melissa looked really hot in a wheelchair. Information that would certainly be filed for later use...

Michelle commanded her new 'slave' to change her diaper (as well as kiss her pussy before cleaning it, which seemed to cause another small orgasm), dress her, and put her back in her wheelchair.

"Does Mistress wish her slave to get back into her uniform?" Melissa asked. Michelle thought about it.

"Mistress wishes slave to wear white thigh-high stockings." she said finally.

"As part of slave's uniform?" Melissa asked

"No slave - as your entire uniform." Michelle smiled. Melissa smiled as well, and soon wore a pair of white thigh-high stockings with a seam sliding sensually up the backs.

Michelle glanced her slave up and down approvingly, then took her mouth control between her lips and wheeled herself into Dereks' office, where the computer was. "Slave." she called out, and Melissa was there by her side immediately.

"I want to learn more about this." she said, staring at the computer screen. "What can you show me."

Melissa's eyes glistened. "I can show you everything, Mistress." Melissa said, and powered on the computer, bringing up the web browser. "Everything and more..."

Absent lately...

2009-07-13T16:14:00.000-04:00

Sorry I didn't post this past weekend, or much at all lately. I've been working some extra hours before vacation, and I spent a lot of this past weekend with no arms, as a DAE pretender, which was really sexy and fun, but didn't allow me much time for computer fun. It also didn't allow me much time to work on stories, but I'll try to wrap up at least one before my vacation starts.

One more thing - new favorite YouTube channel

2009-07-05T09:44:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/user/jad0909

This is just a cool and sexy girl who does everything from amputee pretending to cast fetish to braces. I love the vids. I really want to know where she gets that awesome KAFO brace she has in the KAFO video, too. I want a pair!

Happy 5th of July

2009-07-05T09:38:00.002-04:00

Heather is still sleeping, though probably not for long. I think we're going shoe shopping today, which is very exciting.

Last night we went to a wonderful 4th of July party at Heather's uncles' house, including fireworks and a little too much beer for me... felt very silly by the end of the night. Luckily Heather was driving. Went swimming for like, an hour - that was wonderful, it felt so nice. The water was cool, because of all the recent rain, but it was still nice.

Other than swimming I was, of course, in my wheelchair. After we go home, though, Heather needed a little 'something special' and so she bound my arms into my above elbow 'stumps' then did something different - blindfolded me. She didn't want me to walk, though - she just wanted me to fumble around blindly with my feet, trying to find her and play with her breasts, her pussy - it was really erotic, and she said it was one of the sexiest things she'd ever experienced, combining her serious foot fetish with her interest in blindness. I certainly didn't mind it!

I've got two new stories in the works- I'm hoping to have at least one done this week, but I'm not sure I can focus that much on it. I'll try...

Blog - My weekend

2009-06-29T11:47:00.002-04:00

So I did some writing this weekend, but not as much as I had hoped. I spent the weekend in my wheelchair - Heather wanted to do a blindsimming trip to see Transformers, but I decided that was a very visual movie and went in my chair instead. She was fine with it and after the movie, agreed it was far better seeing it than just hearing it.

Other than that, we had a LOT of fun yesterday afternoon with some serious foot worship and our Hitachi wand, the single greatest sex toy known to womankind. Like I said - I didn't get a lot of writing done, ended up horny all weekend with only a few pages written. I'll get it done soon though...

Blog - I'm on Twitter

2009-06-20T13:06:00.003-04:00

So I've jumped on the Twitter bandwagon as @paracathy - I don't see a lot of devotee or wheelchair fetish presence yet, but it seems pretty interesting so far. Anyone want to follow me?

NEW Story - The Broken Rule

2009-06-17T09:24:00.002-04:00

The Broken Rule

First rule of being a caregiver is to never get emotionally involved. Not that you shouldn't care, of course - you have to care, you have to feel something for the people you work with. But emotional attachment, that's a different story. That's just bad karma, for so many reasons. Not just romantic involvement either. You can't become 'best friends' with your charge. Even if they're the coolest, most awesome person ever, that level of relationship never goes well. I knew this, had known it for years. Like I said, it was the first rule, the most important rule - and it took me almost ten years to break it.

My first charge was a great guy, elderly, had a serious stroke, hemiplegic. I worked with him for almost five years, and I started working with him two weeks before graduation, thanks to agency placement and an early look at my grades (all top marks). He passed away in his sleep, while another caregiver was with him. I got the message form the agency that morning, before I headed in to his apartment. I shed some tears - he was a very nice man, had a loving family - but I was back at work the next day. No big deal. No attachment.

My second charge was an old woman with ALS. We never connected, and I took care of her for three years, afternoon shift. Sat and made sure she could see her game shows, changed her diapers. Surfed the web thanks to a purse-sized Netbook and her neighbor's unsecured wi-fi. That was two years.

Rebecca was next, after a few short-lived hospice stints. She was a sad case, twelve years old, quadriplegic due to a seriously abusive father. Her mom was blind, too - same reason. Fucking sick bastard. There were more than a few nights I went home in tears from that one, I'll admit, and though I did become friends with Becky's mom and we still talked on the phone from time to time, I didn't feel that I had ever broken that golden rule. I stayed with Becky for a little over three years, until they had to move to Arizona for some health reasons. Becky had really blossomed, though, in the years I knew her, and was looking forward to high school and maybe even driving some day, with some specially adapted equipment.

Then came Meghan. I have to say, even though I took great pride in my work, I took it all very seriously, and I held that first rule pretty much sacred, I knew I was in trouble on my first day.

How do I describe Meghan? She was ten years my junior, she had just turned nineteen, and was taking a hear off before college. She was severely disabled, of course - that's why she needed a caregiver. She was born without arms - she had smooth shoulders the just ended. Rare birth defect, nobody saw it coming, but her family was able to cope with it. She was learning to use her legs and feet for arms and hands, standard rehab stuff, from a very early age, when the second half of God's 1-2 punch hit her.

Her neighbors were very 'global village' kinds of people and, when Meghan was only ten, they had an exchange student from India visit for half a school year. Meghan was very friendly and outgoing, of course, and became friends with the student, Priyesh, who was four or five years older than Meghan, but was very nice and very friendly as well. The pair hung out a number of times, went swimming together - had typical 'school friends' contact for a few months. Then Meghan started to feel sick. Then Meghan couldn't use her feet to pick things up any more. Then Meghan woke up unable to move her legs at all. Not even wiggle a toe.

It didn't take long for the doctors to narrow things down and diagnose Meghan with polio. Priyesh's paperwork turned out to have some 'inaccuracies' in it, and he was indeed carrying the polio virus. Meghan had contracted the disease, along with one other girl in Priyesh's class. It was quite the scandal, apparently, though I didn't remember anything in the papers about it.

That had been nine years previous and had permanently confined Meghan to a mouth-controlled wheelchair. It hadn't damped her spirit, however - in truth, it had probably caused her inner light to shine all the more brightly, because that's just how Meghan was.

When I met her, she was wearing a smart skirt, nude stockings on her wasted, polio-crippled legs, and a grey long-sleeved shirt, the sleeves hanging empty at her shoulders. She sat in a fancy power wheelchair, her mouth stick at the ready, and she smiled this glowing, beacon-like smile that took me off guard. I'd worked with dozens of critically ill and severely disabled clients over the years, and Meghan was the first, the absolute first, who did not show the slightest hint of the inner bitterness and negativity that comes with having a condition that required, well... me.

I introduced myself and got a rundown from Rob, the caregiver I was taking over for. He was getting married and moving to Nebraska or something, but you could tell there was a bond between he and Meghan that went somewhat beyond that of caregiver and patient. I mentally chastised Rob for breaking the first rule, but in my heart, after just meeting Meghan, I could almost understand.

I pushed that out of my mind. For a little while, anyway.

"So, am I your most pathetic case?" Meghan asked cheerfully after Rob had left and I started about my routine. The question caught me off guard, more for her characterizing herself as 'pathetic' than anything else.

"Actually, you're in second place." I said honestly, still trying to keep my professional distance while at the same time being friendly and approachable.

"Oooh, really? Tell me about it!" she asked, using her mouth control to turn in my direction, her face full of curiosity and excitement.

"Young girl." I said, stopping what I was doing. "Twelve when I met her. Her dad threw her against the wall for changing the channel on the TV. Broke her neck." I swallowed. Becky was still a hard one for me. "Her mom tried to call 911 to get her help. He tore the phone out of the wall, beat her in the face with it. Blinded her, both eyes."

"Jesus." Meghan said, eyes wide.

"I know. Sorry - probably shouldn't have gone into so much detail." I said, genuinely sorry for having said so much. Instead of horror, though, Meghan beamed. I looked at her. "Something funny?" I asked at the smile on her face.

"sorry, I feel terrible for the girl and her mom, naturally, but this is the first time I've come in second place. I feel almost normal! I need to facebook this!" And she took her mouth control between her lips and moved into another room as I stood there shocked.

And that, in a nutshell, was Meghan. She knew she was terribly crippled. Armless, no hope of prosthetic, polio-crippled legs that had basically stopped growing when she was ten. But she had a beauty about her that was almost supernatural. Her amber hair glowed, her face was gorgeous, her smile was electric. She didn't seem to have a negative bone in her crippled body, and even when she talked about her disability there was no bitterness, no self pity. She was just 'Meghan', and she was disabled in body, but never, ever in spirit.

Looking back now, I think knew that first day that the only outcome for me was to fall in love with Meghan. I didn't even know if she was gay, I wasn't even sure I was gay, but what I did know on that first day was that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That when we were together, it was like I was lying on a sunny beach, and when I left at the end of the day, it was like my life filled with clouds and rain.

Every day,I'd show up for work a little earlier. Every day, I'd spend an extra few minutes after my relief arrived. I'd help Meghan with her facebook, or just watch a little TV with her, or get takeout Chinese delivered, paying for it out of my own pocket, even though it was against her nutritional plan. Every day, my job became less about 'taking care of Meghan' and more about 'Making Meghan happy.' And then one day, maybe two months into the job, Meghan did it, she crossed the line, and I let her, and I never looked back.

"Elizabeth." she said in her beautiful, sing-song voice.

"Yes, dear?" I asked, having dropped the formality of 'Meghan' or 'Miss Jones' on my second day.

"I'm almost 20, you know." she said matter of factly. She was, it was true. Her birthday was only six or so weeks away. I had already thought about what I would get her.

"Yes - coming up soon. Any thoughts on what you'd like?"

Meghan looked at me with her deep, chocolate brown eyes, and as usual, I started to melt. Then she said it.

"I'd like to lose my virginity. With you." she said simply, but with such deep emotion that all I could do was to move to her wheelchair and hug her, feeling her armless shoulders, smelling her apple-blossom shampoo. And I kissed her.

I have always dreamed of a kiss like that kiss. Not a cliche, romance novel kiss that's all about love and kittens and brass horns. It was loving, it was passionate, it was heartfelt, yes. But more than that this was a kiss straight out of my deepest most erotic fantasy. My guts turned to warm pudding and my pussy felt like it was a waterfall. My knees buckled and I started kissing Meghan's legs, her thighs, and she begged me to do more. Pleaded with me. The lust in her voice was deeper and more sincere that I had ever heard.

I pushed her wheelchair to the bedroom and undressed in front of her. We said nothing. I kissed her, deeply, passionately, running my fingers through her hair. She moaned, she pressed her abbreviated body against mine from her wheelchair. I slipped her soft t-shirt off, she wasn't wearing a bra. I kissed her breasts sensually, I licked and nibbled her nipples, and she moaned.

I knew I would never feel her fingers running through my hair as I kissed her. I knew I would never feel her legs wrapped around me as I held her. I knew that, more than anyone I had ever been with, I wanted Meghan. With every fiber of my being, I wanted her. As crippled and as helpless as she was, I could not imagine living my life without her.

I kissed her armless shoulder, tracing sensual patterns across her smooth skin with my tongue, and she practically whimpered. I moved down her warm, soft body as she sat in her wheelchair, slowly pulling down her cotton skirt, revealing her diaper. The diaper that I had changed dozens of times, never admitting to myself what I wanted to do once I had it off. Now I tore it open just to touch that golden fur that glistened - Meghan was so aroused, it was like a heavy dew had fallen just for me.

Her legs were small, thin, limp from the polio that had crippled her. She couldn't move them at all, not even wiggle a toe; the polio had seen to that. But she could still feel them. Feel every touch, every caress. I slipped her soft socks off of her feet and began to kiss them, to suck on her small toes, like I had fantasized as I lay in bed at night dreaming of her hair, the swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips. I kissed and licked her feet and she giggle, and then she moaned, and then she begged me to come closer, to move higher up her small, useless legs.

I wanted to tease her - I really did. I wanted her first sexual experience to be long, and sensual, and erotic, and drawn out. I wanted it to be perfect for her, for my perfect crippled angel. But she didn't want that. The need in her eyes, the deep desire in her voice drew me in, and I hadn't even taken her out of her wheelchair when my tongue pressed against the exquisite folds of her moist flower. It was like a lightning strike had hit both of us as I spread her withered legs and licked and sucked on her clit as I poked my tongue into her sweet virgin sex.

Meghan moaned and yelled and screamed as I ate her out, caressing and kissing and licking her pussy, her limp legs. It didn't take long before all that pent up sexual frustration finally broke, and she came, oh my darling Meghan came in waves of orgasm that made her weep, tears of joy and pleasure rolling down her cheeks. She had always tried to think of herself as 'normal', but sex, sensuality, that was something that always eluded her in her armless, crippled state. A fact that I was happy to change for her.

I lay her in bed without her even asking, and I kissed and held her as she smiled, as she thanked me, as she wept. And then I moved myself into a position that made it easy for her to access my dripping wet sex, and without a word she was at me. Her mouth was so talented, it caught me off guard, though it had been her only means of interacting with the world since she was ten - it shouldn't have surprised me as it did. Her tongue and lips made me write in pleasure and moan with delight, and as I caressed her smooth, armless shoulders, I came loudly, explosively, my juices glistening across her beaming face. She didn't want to stop, and I came another three times as she licked and kissed my sensitive clit, before finally collapsing beside her, wrapping my arms around her warm, panting frame.

I could feel her limp, soft legs pressed against my naked skin, I could feel the smooth armless shoulders rub against me. Meghan was helpless, unable to even scratch her nose or use the toilet on her own, but to me she was perfect, she was so beautiful, so sensual, and I told her that, whispered it in her ear as we lay there together. And I told her I loved her. She said nothing. She wept. I knew it wasn't with sadness.

I cleaned Meghan and dressed her and got myself cleaned up a half hour before my shift ended, and my replacement - a very nice older woman named Sarah - immediately knew something had changed. There was an energy, an atmosphere in the place that was so warm and almost electric. As I clocked out of my shift and looked into Meghan's beautiful, loving eyes, I died a little inside as I left for home. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that much longer - to leave her like that. I don't think either of us could handle it.

I showed up for work the next day an hour early carrying an overnight bag, and told Meghan I didn't intend to let her sleep alone again. She asked me to dress her, and instead of her signature long sleeved shirt I dressed her in a pink athletic fit tank top with no bra, exposing her deformity, accentuating her difference, and I loved it. And she saw the way I looked at her, with the love and attraction I felt for her, and she loved it too. It lifted her, it excited her. It made her happy, a happiness that she felt she might never experience in all her life. A happiness I too, knew I had been missing, until this beautiful, sensual, crippled girl came into my life.

We made love again that day, this time a slow, sensual, erotic thing that made us both cry out in passion and delight for hours. We went out to lunch at a local cafe, and Meghan relished the looks and stares of passers by as I fed her a sandwich and iced coffee and we talked and giggled together. Meghan then called the nursing agency and told them that her situation had changed, and that she no longer needed night time care. She looked at me with loving eyes. The situation had certainly changed. The whole world had changed. For both of us.

Blog - I invented a word...

2009-06-15T18:11:00.002-04:00

Just having a little fantasy play fun and I think I invented a word:

Quadgasm - When a quadriplegic female with no sensation below her neck is being sexually stimulated in some way and achieves, in some form, either mental or physical, the effect of sexual climax.

Yeah, still horny....