So it's been six months...

The article in New Mobility, though meaning well and being an exciting thing, was the start of a very shitty timespan for me, unfortunately.  It started with fallout from the article and the various reposts by people like Roger Ebert.  There were death threats (And people wonder why I'm not open with my full identity and don't give out info like my phone number...) my facebook and flickr accounts were deleted due to 'complaints against terms of service', I got flooded - literally flooded - with hate mail.  I still have 176 emails un-opened in my inbox, and those are just the ones that 'might' not be hate mail.  I deleted several hundred more that were obvious.

On top of that, my job issues went from bad to worse - they moved all second and third shift positions to India, and I wasn't eligible for a day shift position (because day shift was already full), so I was laid off.

On the job hunt again, I made a pretty heartbreaking decision - because I didn't have any medical reason or medical proof that I needed a wheelchair for mobility, I decided that I could not search for a new job as a full time wheeler, and so I have 'recovered' and am back to using my chair only at home in private and occasionally out in public. I spent about 4 months unemployed and just got a rather crappy day shift retail job about a month ago.  It pays less than my customer service job and to add insult to injury, I'm on my feet pretty much all day, which just kind of sucks out my soul after a while.

There was a silver lining, however - as crazy as that sounds.  For one - Heather never left my side, she's been awesome, and this has proven that our relationship is stronger than ever.  Second, even though the New Mobility article fallout was overall craptastic, there was also a lot of support and I was even approached by a couple different TV shows related to my wannabe and pretender lifestyle.  I couldn't do those, obviously, but it showed me that there is support and interest in me and my lifestyle, and so there might be more interest in my book...

And speaking of my book, the plans for that are going through a bunch of changes and morphing into something different.  I have started writing more stories about me personally - how I became who I am, more about my thoughts and ideas on this fetish and the D/P/W scene in general, and some in-depth discussion of who I am and why.  I may add fictional erotica stories as well, but honestly I think if I add in a lot of my sexual fantasies and go in depth about my various fetishes, the book will be plenty steamy for people who are looking for that.  If I do that, then I will post some of the new fiction and completed stories I wrote for the original anthology book onto the website.  This includes the completion of 'A New Arrangement', which seems to be a fan favorite.  Ideally I could sell tens of thousands of books and not have to work on this crappy job any more, but I need to finish the book first - I'll get on that.

So that's my story, that's what has occurred in the last 6 months or so - you can probably see why I have been keeping a low profile.  I'll probably still be keeping a lower profile than I used to, and online erotic chatting is likely a thing of the past with my new job, etc... but that was a really bad habit anyway, so I'm probably better off without it, right?

Thanks for the words of support and encouragement, I'll be posting a bit more often now...

I'm on my way....

I'm slowly on my way back to the land of the living... and there is new news on the book front.  Stay tuned, but be patient - I've been through a lot in the last 6 months.

Happy Fantasies,
Cathy

Looking for career advice

So I mentioned a few weeks ago there was a chance I would be laid off. Well, thankfully I still have a job, but I have a problem as well, and I wanted to know if any of my fans/readers had any legal background, especially for employment matters....

I've had my job for quite a long time, and I like it, I enjoy it, and I believe I do a good job, I get all my tasks done, etc... - For the past several years, I have not gotten any kind of formal job feedback or review; no yearly performance review, nothing... I still got the typical raises everyone got, so I assumed that, since my boss wasn't giving me feedback, I must be doing OK.

Now I have a NEW boss, and he has said my performance is sub-standard and he has demoted me. He gave me a few reasons why he made this decision, but I don't agree with them, and even if I did, none of them are impossible to fix with a little guidance and mentoring (something I've never actually gotten here, sadly).

This is really stressing me out, and I feel like it could have a longer term impact on my career path if this demotion goes on my resume, etc... So what are the rules for this? I don't work for some mom and pop company, this is a large, publicly traded company, so I feel like this is violating my rights as a worker somehow, but I don't know enough about this stuff to really dig into it. Can anyone out there help? Is there some sort of rule about this I can look into?

And no, this has nothing to to with my wheelchair, I'm very certain about that.

Feeling better, still have a job...

So I guess I was a little out of it last week. I really did start thinking more deeply about the objects of my fascination and desire and feeling pretty awful about it. It was kind of kicked of by a really hateful and ignorant email I got, more fallout from the 'portrait of a pretender' article that completely ignored every point in the article and made me - and all DPW's - sound like a cross between hitler and NAMBLA. It was the exact kind of email I would expect from Tea Party members if Michelle Bachman were in a wheelchair. And before you ask - even in a wheelchair she would still make me vomit....

So where does that leave me? Still feeling pretty crummy, still keeping a low profile. I've gone through a lot of my pictures- well, the ones I have left since Flickr deleted my old profile - and I'm more or less going with pretenders and disabled models who are willing participants in their sexualization now for my masturbatory explorations... Oh, and casts, too. There is a lot more cast fetish, like real hard-core sexual cast fetish, than I realized.

Maybe it's a sign of maturity, maybe it's just me letting all the haters get to me, but if I see a candid pick of a smoking hot girl in a chair, it's not really doing as much for me now. Pretenders and others like Candi still do, however... in a big way.

Thanks to all who sent me nice and kind things, and I'm glad my little meltdown at least made for lively discussion. This isn't a condemnation of anyone out there, it's a personal realization only. Hope I haven't upset or disappointed anyone.

I'm a horrible person....

OK, I will preface this by saying I'm kinda drunk. Yeah, it's early afternoon, but I don't fucking care.

I was horny this morning and doing my usual YouTube scan for new para videos, I saw some nice stuff... A new channel with a decent pretender who is almost certainly a guy but I don't care, I want to be crippled, what do I care is he wants to be a chick... it's all good...

so I see this video a few have Favorited about a girl, former soccer player, SCI after a bad fall during a game. I was watching her transferring into her car, stuff like that, and feeling a bit turned on... then I started to really listen, and realized what a shitty ass horrible thing it is that she's paralyzed now. And I was kinda getting off on that. And then I realized how many videos and pics I've gotten off on that are of women who are genuinely hurt and have had their whole lives completely screwed, and I'm totally getting off on it, and I'm just feeling like a really horrible person today... And I'm kinda drunk... And I might be getting laid off...

Fuck it.