So I chat a lot, and often those chats tend to be very sexual, erotic, kinky, just downright naughty. I never really considered that 'cheating' on heather, but lately I'm having second thoughts. Last night I had a long, hot, steamy chat that resulted in multiple orgasms. I have never seen nor met the person I was chatting with, I don't even know what she looks like, or indeed like so many internet chats if 'she' was even a 'she'.
It was just typing, that's what I've always told myself. Typing and reading and masturbating, true - but how is that different from reading some erotic story and masturbating to that? Is it? I'm not sure any more.
the real problem came last night after Heather got home and asked what I had been doing all afternoon - not in a bad way, just typical conversation, a 'how was your day' kind of query - and I lied. Looked right at her, smiled, and lied. Said I checked email and did some laundry and watched some TiVoed episodes of The Closer.
Well, I DID check email, and I DID watch half an episode of The Closer while sitting on the couch basking in the 'afterglow' of multiple orgasms and hot cyber fantasy. But I couldn't tell her. I felt like it somehow crossed a line - that all this sexual chatting crosses a very real line in my very real relationship. I could always insulate myself before, because I have a very very strict policy of never meeting or even calling people I meet online, because of really bad past experience, so I could easily tell myself there was nothing 'real' about it. Just words on a screen, just fantasy.
I don't think that's true anymore. I don't think it ever was. I think that for two-plus hours yesterday afternoon I was cheating on my girlfriend, seriously hardcore cheating on her, and I feel really, really awful about that right now. I'm not sure what's changed, but something has. Something has shifted my perceptions or something.
So what do you think? Are you in a relationship? What if your partner was sitting at home having a long, steamy, erotic chat with someone on the computer, having multiple orgasms? He or she would never plan on meeting this chat partner physically, not even call them on the phone - it's just chat on the computer. Would that matter to you? If you could see them, from some hidden room, watch them type and get naked and stick a dildo in or finger themselves or jerk off, would it feel any less like betrayal than if you were watching them make love to a person physically? Is it different? Is it less wrong just because it's easier?
I love my girlfriend. I hope some day the laws in this nation would be progressive enough to allow her to become my wife. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I guess I always did. So why is it bothering me so much now?
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It wouldn't bother me, because as long as they stll love me and only me I know that there are things with them that I may not be able to satisfy so it is completely ok for them to do that as long as they are never going to meet that person or do anything else with them. I would talk to my partner about it and check it through them, but if that isnt possible then i would continue doing it and not have any ill feelings towards it.
ReplyDeleteI think the question is would Heather think it is cheating? If so then perhaps you shouldn't do it anymore. But if she is ok with it then there is nothing wrong with it
ReplyDeleteI've never really been in a proper relationship with anyone but I'd think most people would want you to share that happiness with them rather than secretly with people you've never met. That's just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a relationship and yet you and I have had some amazing online chats and ok I haven't talked to my partner about it but I in no way think of it as cheating. It is like you said, we read books etc and this is just talking on a computer. That to me is not cheating.
ReplyDeleteFor me, cheating on my partner would be a full on sexual relationship with someone that is right there with me in person. And that I would never do. I love my partner very much and would never think of ever cheating.
And just to add.... I really enjoy our online chats - I love the fantasy roleplaying and you are great at it. I have missed it immensly but would understand if you decide not to anymore xx
ReplyDeleteWhether it's right or wrong is really academic. If you feel bad about it, then it's a potential problem in your relationship, and you should discuss it with Heather. Maybe not come right out and say, "Hey, I think I've been cheating on you." But at least find out how she feels about it, and make sure you're both on the same page. Who knows, maybe she won't think it's a big deal, and you can chat guilt-free.
ReplyDeletewhere do you chat at? i have been looking for a place to chat
ReplyDelete