All I want for Christmas....

OK maybe not ALL I want for Christmas, but a friend recently turned me on to Paracuties.com, a wheelchair fetish site that currently only features one girl in one video, but she's REALLY hot, so I don't care. Check out the Youtube sample or go to their website and check out the sample photos - the look, the poses, the scenes are all pretty much spot on for any wheelchair fetishist or devotee (though I know some devotees will not like the fact that she's a pretender.)



I haven't seen the full video, so I have no idea how realistic she is throughout, but her 'leg cross' in the sample vid was hot and well done. She lacks confidence in her wheelchair use and control, but again, I love the 'new para' fantasy. There's no audio on the sample, don't know if I'd be into a whole 40+ minute video with little to no audio. Not sure about that one.

Of course I'll probably never see it, because again I have a problem with the price - at least as far as I understand it. Now $30 for a 42 minute vid DOES seem a good price, I have no problem there - I'd like it $5-$10 cheaper, sure, but that's because I'm poor. My problem is that, from what I can tell, that $30 is just a 7 day rental. You can watch your video - the one that you bought and downloaded to your own computer - for 7 days, then it apparently stops working. At least that's what I understand from reading through the website. If I'm reading something wrong here please point it out and correct me. I'd be thrilled to be wrong in this case.
I totally understand putting some kind of DRM on these videos to keep people from trading them freely - I've been part of the dev community for a long time, I know that paid for and copyrighted material gets traded like pokemon cards in this scene, and that this really hurts the businesses that are trying to provide us great material - thats why I stopped using any of the trading sites or services years ago, and I actually put my money down whenever I can to buy content and support these people. But I don't have a lot of money, and even LESS money that I can spend on fetish content, so I can't waste $30 on a hot video I only get to masturbate to for a week, and I can't go and spend $20 a month for some subscription service to see a few new pics and maybe a 3 minute video each week. Give me a 20-30 vid for $20 and make it quality, give me something I want to see, I'll buy it in a heartbeat. Give me the ability to buy it via PayPal or make the CC receipt something really innocuous and nondescript, and I don't even have to ask Heather for permission, so we ALL win there....
Anyway I guess this turned into more of a rant that I had thought it would, but I hope it made some sense...

Happy Holidays All!!!

So what's up with the book?

I've had a number of emails this week asking about my book, as they (correctly) assumed that since I was once again becoming active online and posting new fiction to my blog, that I'd reached some kind of 'milestone'. Well, you're right.

Some history to any new readers - A while ago I announced that I would be working on a book of short stories that I hoped to publish and maybe even make a little money doing this 'thing' I love so much (and have done for over 10 years for free). Since then there hasn't been much activity related to the book - or my blog, it seems - so it makes sense that people do ask me what ever happened to that?

Well, I did 'finish' a book in September. At least it was a collection of short stories written by me that I was originally going to send to a vanity press type publisher. But then I read it, end to end, every single word of it, and I hated it.

Oh, I didn't hate the stories - they were really good, some of my best. But they all needed something more - that final polish you'd expect from a book you find in a bookstore. They were fine for posting to my totally free website, but I knew if I wanted people to actually buy it and pay me money, I would need to make it better.

Starting in October I dove back in and have been meticulously editing, spell checking, and re-editing every story, as well as coming up with some new stuff. Along the way, and talking to several friends online, I was coming up with a better plan/strategy around the book as well. Originally I was going to make it a very obviously 'DEVOTEE' book, with a wheelchair girl on the cover and a title like 'Hot Sexy Handicapped Chicks' or something equally tacky. But being so open and obvious might be a detractor for a lot of people who are still very much 'in the closet' as far as their devotee/wannabe/fetish feelings. How can you openly read a book that's so obviously fetish related? So now I'm working with a much more subtle cover and a much more subtle title (Current working title is 'We like it when you stare' but I'm not married to it yet)

I'm also planning for a very 'receipt-friendly' purchase plan, so 'Bob's house of Porn' doesn't show up on credit card receipts. I know there are some times where I would sneak in a video purchase if it didn't show up on the joint bank account as something obviously fetish/dev related. Spending $15 at Amazon is a lot easier to cover up than spending $15 at 'Paragirls Fetish store' you know? It will also be very reasonably priced - I don't believe in the '$100 for 10 minutes' pricing plan that seems so popular (mostly because I have a shitty job and I'm poor). I honestly believe that if I price this book at $15 or less, sure I won't make a ton per copy, but I trust that I'll sell a lot more copies.

So what's in the book? Well, I've got some edited and expanded versions of some of my most popular stories, including the COMPLETE stories for 'A New Arrangement' and 'Keep it in the Family' (you're going to LOVE those! I Do!) as well as a ton of new stories. I've got all my usual categories too - romance, erotic, kinky, para, quad, amputee, brace, diaper, some blindness, casts... it's a good mix and should certainly have something for everyone.

So when is this all happening? With the rate I've been able to work on it, and taking into account the current holiday season, I'm anticipating I'll have my first draft submitted by late January, and then hopefully have it available for sale by the end of February. I know that's still a while, but writing a book you can be proud of takes a LOT of work. Trust me.

so there you have it, that's the current 'State of the Union' for my first ever attempt at publishing. I hope people are really excited for this, I know now that I'm nearing the finish line with a product I really really love, I'm getting really excited! Also I hope that I sell more than three copies, because if I don't sell a bunch of these, I'm going to be really depressed. No pressure or anything....

Anyway, hope you like the new stuff I'm posting, feel free to drop me a line!!

Cathy

New Story - A Stepmother's Love

I was reading one of my Yahoo grouns (yes, some people still use those - seems so quaint now) and in the Wheelchair Fiction group there was a small story fragment posted, called 'Loving my Stepmother' - well it was a short thing with no real story and no author, but it was a cool idea and kind of sexy (well, if you're into that sort of thing - I am, of course) so I decided to re-write it my own way.
I posted this earlier in the week to the Wheelchair Fiction group but got no response - those Yahoo groups are pretty dead now - so I've re-edited it a little and I'll post it here for people to enjoy! Hope you like it!




A Stepmother’s Love by ParaCathy

It was raining, I remember that, thick sheets of rain that beat against the windows and roof and coiled around us like shimmering ropes. Helen, my stepmother and only remaining family, cursed under her breath as she tapped the brakes and skirted around the edge of a substantial puddle.

It was my fault we were on the road in such a downpour - I had detention for cutting class, a cheap senior year stunt that landed me in the principals' office yet again. Because of that, Helen had to come pick me up, and I could tell she was annoyed.

We had a decent relationship overall, my stepmother and I, though I never did get around to calling her ‘mom’, even after ten years. Naturally as a parent it always made her mad when I acted out, when I got into trouble. I was entitled, at least in my head - I had lost my father to cancer only a year before, after all, and I was still coming to terms with it. Sure she had lost a husband, the only man she had ever loved, but in my mind that didn’t matter, my loss was greater, my grief deeper.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard Helen gasp, felt the car hydroplane, heard that gut-wrenching sound as the car got hit by - or hit - some object in the rain. I’d like to say I stayed calm as the car spun and then then seemed to almost float in mid air, but I know I screamed in terror, and then we hit again, and then...

How does one describe waking up in the hospital after a severe injury? To say I was disoriented was a huge understatement. Between the numerous injuries and the plethora of drugs they were pumping into me, I had a hard time remembering my own name, never mind where I was or what I was doing there.

My first memory, my first real, concrete memory after the accident was seeing the thin hospital bedsheet fall down around the small round ‘thing’ that should have been my left thigh. I then saw, in stark contrast, the massive elevated cast on my right leg and the way my foot seemed somehow ‘wrong’ in the heavy plaster dressings.

Helen visited me some time after that, I can’t recall the specifics but I do remember her being wheeled in. I learned from the nurses that she was both more and less fortunate than I was, not requiring any surgery and not even losing any blood, but... I remember seeing her in her wheelchair, seeing the way she sat, braced up, the stark white compression stockings and wide, soft booties on her legs and feet doing nothing to hide their obvious and pronounced uselessness.

We held hands and I think I cried, I cant recall clearly. The long weeks in the hospital blurred together so much, and I know there was a lot of crying for both of us. I remember seeing my stump, the remains of my left leg, so small and round and neat. I remember my right leg coming out of the cast and knowing, just knowing that I needn’t worry about learning to use crutches. My leg, my crippled little foot, weren’t going to support me, I was sure of that.

Helen progressed very well through rehab and was practically an expert wheelchair user before I was even well enough to start my own training, but she was there beside me, helping me to re-learn so many daily tasks from my wheelchair. Un-assisted I couldn’t even stand on my right leg, but with a heavy steel and leather caliper with a custom orthopedic shoe I had received late in my rehab training, I did manage to stand and take a few tentative, wobbly steps, Helen cheering me the whole way. It was very difficult work, naturally, and before my first day of training was over I was convinced that a wheelchair would be my primary mode of ambulation from that point forward.

Homecoming was bittersweet. After nearly half a year away, I returned to find the place I had called home since birth utterly and completely changed to adapt to our new conditions. Gone were the warm brick steps and rich wood door, replaced by a new concrete wheelchair ramp and a steel auto-opening doorway. As soon as I got inside the changes were even more profound - the kitchen and dining room had changed completely, the living room had new furniture, the layout was wide open to accommodate two wheelchair-bound women.
The bathroom was the biggest change, as it was completely unrecognizable. Specially adapted toilet, shower, grab bars... the list went on. I knew we needed all of this now, to stay independent and safe, but it was just another reminder of how the life we used to have was now over. I ran my hands over the cool metal grab bars and the smooth white porcelain sinks and looked in the mirror, specially mounted and angled so that I could see myself properly.

My red hair was much longer than I used to keep it, but I liked it, though I’d probably go for a style soon. My body - what I could see of it in the mirror, the parts above my waist - looked toned and firm from all the rehab, my face had a healthy glow despite of the situation. My eyes were sad, though... they looked older than they should.

I parked my wheelchair in my room; it had changed in some ways, to allow me to get around and dress in my wheelchair, but overall it was the same and for the first time since I got home, the first time since my terrible accident, I felt a connection to the life I used to have, a life with two healthy legs and a stepmother who could walk...

It all hit me then, the weight of it all, my disability, Helen’s paralysis, so much had happened, and I finally just broke down, sobbing into my hands as I sat there.

I didn’t hear Helen wheel up behind me, but I felt her arms around me, felt her stroking my hair, comforting me. She said she understood, and I knew she really did, her legs were useless, she was confined to a wheelchair forever, like I was.

I’m not even sure what came over me - I think I just wanted to be closer to her, not having our wheelchairs blocking that close physical contact, but I transferred into her paralyzed lap and rested my head against her large, soft breasts and closed my eyes, feeling her stroke my hair. I heard her heartbeat and felt her warm breast under my cheeks and it made me happy, it warmed me, it pushed away the bad feelings, it...

I suddenly felt strange, I was having a hard time understanding the sensation, but as my stepmother stroked my hair and ran her soft hand across my cheek, I recognized arousal, and I felt it from us both. I moved a hand closer to Helen’s large breast, brushing the dusty brown areola around her nipple through her shirt, and her heartbeat and breathing quickened noticeably.

I don’t know why neither of us said anything; maybe we couldn’t, maybe our combined grief over our situations made us crave any kind of pleasurable contact, any positive experience, but whatever the reason the last taboo was shattered as Helen - the only mother I knew from the time I was eight years old - had unbuttoned her blouse and exposed her large, full, pillow-like breasts. Without thinking and with no hesitation I placed my lips upon the closest nipple and began to suckle it greedily, my hands fondling and caressing it as Helen moaned.

As I suckled and fondled her breasts I felt Helen’s smooth warm hands slip under my t-shirt and slip the clasp of my Victoria Secret bra. I felt her cup and caress my breasts as I kissed and sucked hers, my heart pounding like Japanese drummers and my hands shaking, and suddenly I felt my bladder empty in a warm, wet stream, through my panties, over my stump, and down my stepmother’s limp, crippled legs. Instead of embarrassment, though, there was a deep sense of relief and, dare I say, satisfaction, and Helen moaned softly as well, hearing me pee on her more than actually feeling the warm liquid stream down her limp legs.

“I think maybe you need some protection now, baby.” Helen said, seeing the puddle below us both. “I’ll get you one of my diapers and then we’ll get this little accident cleaned up.”
I’m not sure I can adequately describe the excitement I felt at those words, and I really can’t explain why they affected me so much, but I wriggled on my stepmother’s lap as she continued to play with my breasts, then moved to caress my stump.

We held one another there in a near post-coital embrace for some time, I lost track, and then finally I transferred out of Helen’s lap and stripped off my soiled clothes and she told me to lay in bed as she wheeled out of the room. She returned a few minutes later, also stripped of her wet slacks and blouse and now wearing only white compression stockings and a fresh diaper.

She wheeled beside my bed and washed me carefully with moist wipes and I yearned for her touch. She maneuvered a bulky padded diaper, too large for me but still wonderful, between my crippled leg and my stump. As she fastened it securely, unable to help myself, I came with a warm, forceful orgasm that made me moan and made my stump twitch and bob about. Helen patted my diaper-padded sex with a smile.

“That’s my baby, you’ll be fine now...” she said, then stroked my crippled foot and played with my curled toes a little, moaning as she did so.

“We’ll be fine, mommy.” I said, unable to help myself as I lay there, reaching out to caress her limp, paralyzed thigh...

Happy Masturbation Monday!!

Happy Masturbation Monday!! I had a pretty busy weekend, with lots of work (racking up the OT) plus a nice family holiday get-together, then last night - since it was pretty much the only time Heather and I had for ‘us’ time - turned into a pretty intense evening of fetish roleplay, including myself roleplaying slowly (over the course of maybe an hour?) going blind, to the point where I was completely blindfolded and feeling my way around. Of course Heather was a little tipsy (OK half a bottle of Zin, she was more than ‘a little’) and didn’t want me using my hands, so she bandaged them both into stumps and made me learn to use my feet for everything - of course ‘everything’ in this case equated to playing with her tits and fucking her with a vibrator and with my toes. Overall it was a very hot evening.

This morning I’m in a very naughty mood - between last night and the fact that I have a very well lubed vibrating butt plug in my bottom as I sit here in my wheelchair, diapered and very horny - and I actually came up with a kind of twisted hetero-ish story idea, so here you go ;)


Backdoor Love

“No Jim, it hurts, it’s really uncomfortable - I don’t want to do it! Why do you keep asking?” Amber sighed as she waled away. Jim followed her into the kitchen, trying to talk sweetly but, as usual, failing.
“It feels really good though...”
“Maybe for you!” she cut him off. “For me it’s your big cock pressed into my ass making me feel like I’ve been constipated for a week! how is that at ALL sexy or appealing?”
“We can take it slower this time, Amber - really gentle. I can guarantee it won’t hurt at all this time” he came up right behind her, stroking her hair. She could feel his hot breath on her neck, feel his cock against the small of her back. It made her knees weak.
“How can you say it’s not going to hurt?” she asked him, but she could feel her resolve weaken with every work. She really was horny; between their crazy work schedules it had been over a week since they’d fucked.
“I found a new technique.” he said softly, his deep voice in her ear, his musky smell teasing at her nostrils. Her panties were so wet. “And I’ll get you off first, too - we can use the Hitachi.”
“How about your tongue?” she asked softly.
“Anything you want, lover.” he said, and they were making their way to the bedroom, clothes dropping to the floor as the went.
Jim was true to his word, digging his face between her legs, kissing and licking and sucking on her clit while Amber writhed with pleasure. She felt him slip a lubed finger into her ass and ti felt good, it felt really good, there was no denying it. She came hard a number of times, moaning and panting and finally screaming in pleasure as Jim tongued her deep as he played with her ass. Her back arched, legs splayed, and then she finally pushed his face away, his touches now almost painful on her hyper-sensitive sex.
To his credit, Jim gave her as much time as she needed to catch her breath, and it was she who spoke first.
“So about this new technique, the ‘pain free’ one.” she said, trying to keep her voice even - it was hard. Jim had what she knew was definitely an above-average cock, possibly porn star big when he was fully erect, and anal with him always seemed like it would be more than uncomfortable - she looked at the purple head of his throbbing member and felt that it might even be completely impractical, if not impossible.
“Don’t worry Amber - like I said, it won’t hurt at all. Let’s position you.” and he piled a stack of pillows and helped her onto it, laying face down, the pillows providing very comfortable support for her. She let him spread her legs and position her and she buried her face into the soft sheets as she felt his finger slip the hot, wet lube into her ass. She was still so wet and aroused, she moaned as she felt his finger inside her. He slapped her ass playfully and then pinched her, then massaged her ass and thighs firmly, yet sensually. she moaned again and told him to take her, to fuck her hard. He moaned and she felt his strong hands grasp her waist, and then....
She felt him rocking her body, heard his thighs slapping against her ass, heard his grunts and moans, but there was no discomfort, no painful entry, there wasn’t really any sensation at all. Her fears alieved, she started getting into it, moaning and telling him how good he felt - even though she didn’t really feel him, which was a little odd - until she felt his grip tighten on her hips and he moaned and then practically roared as he came into her ass. At least she assumed he came into her ass, but she still really couldn't tell.
“Oh my god baby that was so good.” Amber said as he rolled beside her, breathing heavy. She tried to get off the pillows but she couldn’t - she felt almost like she was stuck.
“Your ass feels so good baby, mmmm.” Jim said, running his hands through her hair.
“It didn’t hurt at all, either.” Amber said, finally spilling sideways off the pillows and plopping next to him. “What did you do?”
“Used a special lube.” he said. “Found it online. It was a bitch to get, it’s not even legal in the states I guess, and it says you’ve got to wear a condom with it, but man, it felt so good! And didn’t hurt you?”
“I barely even felt it.” Amber said, but rapidly becoming concerned. “You say it’s not even available in the US?”
“No, I got it shipped from Germany, and THEY got it from like Sri Lanka or some shit. What’s wrong hon?” he saw the look of concern on amber’s face.
“Did it mention anything about possible side effects?” Amber said, rubbing her pussy and looking at her toes in concentration.

A few weeks later...
Amber looked in the full length mirror in the bathroom - she wore very sexy stockings under knee-height steel and leather braces, which were attached to black patent Mary Jane style shoes. She also wore a rather bulky adult diaper, and nothing else. She smiled at her reflection, grabbed her crutches and slowly crutched out of the bathroom, her legs still not very keen on obeying her commands, making her do a kind of ‘crutch-and-drag’ down the hallway to the bedroom where Jim waited.
“Hey lover.” she whispered as she crutched up to him. He stroked her thigh and then helped her onto the bed. He went to slip her diaper off, but she stopped him.
“mmm not yet Jim.” she said with a flirtatious giggle. “Start with my braces - you know how fond I’ve become of my nappys.”
Jim moaned and kissed her thigh before starting to remove her leg braces. “I know baby, I love them too, and everything that’s under them...”
Amber moaned as Jim spread her legs for her and slipped the leg braces off. She reached over and grabbed his hard cock and stroked it, he shuddered.
“I want you so bad.” he said, and she smiled and helped him pile supportive pillows. As he helped her get on the pillows and spread her legs, the feet floppy now, mostly useless.
“So pull off my diaper and stick your rock hard cock in my ass...” she moaned, hearing him rip off the diaper almost before she was done saying it.
“It’s amazing how much a little backdoor action can spice up your love life.” he said as he slipped his lubed cock into her.
“Well, that plus the partial nerve damage and the discovery of my diaper fetish and your disability fetish.” she said, reaching between her legs and rubbing her half-numb clit. “Now fuck me with that hard cock...”
She moaned as Jim fucked her unfeeling ass and she fingered herself, trying to find just the right spot. After some experimentation she finally came, almost simultaneously with Jim, and felt a warm stream of pee flow from her paralyzed bladder. Both moaned and collapsed, panting heavy.


Want more??

My Christmas Present - Paraplegic Jackie in Milwaukee Brace

so there was a new video on YouTube that caught my eye recently, a very cute girl (with an adorable Lesbian haircut, I might add) in a heavy Milwaukee brace and using a wheelchair. the youtube clip interested and excited me enough to go to the advertised Clips4Sale website and then beg Heather to let me spend the $20 for the full half hour movie.



Now as many of my long time readers know, the last time I bought a fetish video online, from Premium Pretenders, I was terribly disappointed. It just wasnt' quite as awesome as I would have liked, I really felt kind of ripped off.

I'm VERY pleased to say that this video was completely the opposite - I LOVE it, and it really turned me on. It's not the 'perfect' authentic new para experience I have so often envisioned and fantasized about, but it's really close, and I think the only reason the model sometimes uses her legs (though she uses them in pretty authentically crippled ways, if that makes sense) is that she's asked to do things (like a shower transfer) that no new para in a giant body brace could realistically accomplish without assistance. It was nice to see her struggle through it though.

That's one really nice theme throughout the video that I haven't seen in many other pretender fetish videos - the struggle. This girl is really heavily braced in her full, thighs - to - chin Milwaukee brace, and she's unable to move her head or torso at all and most of the time her legs are useless as well. She struggles to even wheel herself in the hospital rental wheelchair they have her in, and even though I usually don't like those, in this case it adds to the authenticity - in my mind, getting into the fantasy, she's so recently paralyzed that she hasn't even gotten her fancy permanant chair yet, stuggling for every movement and every inch she wheels. It's really nice - at least for someone into that, like I am.

Highlights for me include the very short (too short, really) opening scene that looks like a medical exam, someone pokign her feet with a medical instrument and getting no response - that got me wet immidiately, I just wish there had been a little dialog sayign something like 'I'm afraid the paralysis is complete' or some other dire diagnnosis informing her of her newly crippled condition. There are also some nice bed-to-wheelchair transfers as well as a REALLY sexy 'putting on high heeled shoes' scene that even Heather was pretty hot over.

I guess the only things that would have mde it a full '10' rating would be a diaper (she's very newly para, I think it would be appropriate, and you know me and my diapers...) a little more of that initial 'exam' scene, maybe asking her to wiggle her toes or something, and of course a little less of the scenes that she just couldn't have accomplished as a new, fully braced para. Maybe add in an extra model in a nurses uniform to assist with things like that.

So there you have it - the first para pretender fetish video I've ever bought that I am pretty much completely happy with! I'd give a 9 out of 10 orgasms!!

Final disclaimer - I am not a paid spokesperson for this fetish store/stuido, I DID pay full price for this, this is a completely honest and legitamate review and it 100% my own opinon.
However, if there are any fetish studios who want to give me wannabe/pretender/para fetish videos for free, I openly admit I am a whore and will happily schlock your stuff for you...

TLC show looking to do a segment on devotees

So I have been contacted by the below person, Michelle, who represents the Learning Channel show 'Strange Sex' - she requested I be part of the segment, but for obvious reasons I cannot. However she asked that if I could point any Devotees in her direction, so here it is - casting call for devotees. I'll let you read how she described the program to me. If you're interested, all her contact info is listed below - be polite and only contact her if you're genuinely interested and can be part of the show. Thanks!! I know I for one really want to see this show!

________________________________________________

My name is Michele and I am a casting producer for a medical series on TLC called "Strange Sex." The series, now entering its second season, highlights unusual sexual conditions and lifestyles, with a goal of educating the viewer and shedding light on a little understood, real-life condition or situation. We know that topics we explore might be shared among members of our audience who'd appreciate the subjects being brought to light, and the erasing of any misconceptions or myths.

As we gear up for our new season, we are looking at a number of topics to explore in our episodes, among them, someone who considers themselves a devotee.

Ideally, we are looking for someone who lives in the United States. We'd like to speak about appearing in our program, since our goal is to provide context for the person's story and education to our viewers. We tell the story in a respectful and sensitive manner. We don't even have a narrator for this show -- the stories are told in the words of the people profiled.

I wanted to reach out to you to see if you might be interested in talking about your situation and the devotee community, and to learn more about our program.

Many thanks - I look forward to connecting.

--
Michele Spinak
Sirens Media
Email: strangesexcasting@gmail.com
office: 301-920-9860
cell: 301-792-9784
fax: 301-920-9880

I guess it's been a while...

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I posted - sorry about that. I was getting better at it for a while...

So I've been writing more lately, but most of it has been for the book, which is actually looking pretty great, just slow going. Harder to write a novel then I thought... I'm writing some other stories as special requests, too, but they also requested I not post those publicly so for now, no new story here. Sorry about that. I do take requests though, and I especially love writing stories based on pictures, I've had some great success there :)

So instead of a full story I'll tell you about what Heather and I did this past weekend, I think my fans will enjoy the tale ;)

I was in my wheelchair and Heather had bought me a new pair of very sexy stockings. She slowly, sensually pulled them up onto my legs, one at a time -it was so sexy! Then she layed on the living room floor, on her back, and told me to wheel over to her. I parked my wheelchair right at her head and used my hands to lift my limp, useless legs and put my feet right on her face. She loved it, she kissed and licked and caressed my feet as I sat there in my wheelchair, she told me how soft and sexy they felt to her, and kept telling me how limp and crippled they felt, how I'd never feel her touches again...
After a little while I was just so turned on I couldn't help it, I reached into my diaper and started fingering myself - I came so hard as Heather worshipped my feet and told me how crippled I was, it was intense...

Hope you liked it as much as I did ;)

Blog: My life so far...

My life so far

So I got a good email from a reader, ‘Wishful Wannabe’, asking more about my current situation and what it’s like now to be ‘living the dream’, so I figured I’d do a blog post about it.

First off I want to say that I am NOT a ‘wannabe who finally got her wish’. I’m still very much a pretender, it’s just that now I have the ability to pretend in public, at work, with friends and family, and can get away with it, so it’s definitely wonderful and awesome, but not the ‘nirvana’ of reaching my true wannabe goals. Even after 3 years as a mostly full time wheeler my legs aren’t atrophied and I can still stand up and walk whenever I want to (which isn’t often)

For those that don’t know the story, a little over 3 years ago I was in a car accident with Heather, my partner. It was a serious accident, the car was totaled, but thanks to modern car safety devices we both walked away more or less unscathed – I had a minor sprained wrist and we both had a few minor scrapes and bruises, nothing worse than that. However, I used that accident to say that I ‘hurt my back’ – the eternal generic malady – and that I couldn’t stand or walk for more than a few minutes without considerable discomfort, and only sitting was comfortable for me. Officially I have an issue with ‘chronic back pain’ and am under the care of a chiropractor. Because chiropractors are not covered by my work insurance, there are no red flags or odd questions from work, and since my job is sitting at a desk answering a phone, there’s no need for special adaptive anything – using a wheelchair at work is literally no different than spraining my ankle and needing crutches. It might even be easier to manage than that, actually.

So work has not been an issue – they even let me park in the front handicapped spots, which I don’t worry about since I work nights and they don’t’ get used by anyone else. People were curious and concerned at first, but after 4 or 6 weeks it was just the way things were – I became ‘the woman in the wheelchair’, which is a title I genuinely love . Family has been another matter altogether, however. My mom is somewhat apathetic over the whole thing by now, it’s just ‘the way it is’ and she has a daughter in a wheelchair. Of course to be fair, she has far more issues with her daughter being in a long term relationship with another woman than being ‘disabled’. The chair has been an ongoing issue with one of my aunts, though, who seems to have a deep fear of handicapped people as far as I can tell. If she’s going to be at a family gathering I won’t even go - even after three years she’s still freaking out over the chair and I just don’t want to deal with it. It’s not like she was my favorite aunt, but oddly she was probably the most supportive when I came out as a lesbian, so it’s weird not being on speaking terms with her over a wheelchair…

Heather loves it – she’s always enjoyed me being in my wheelchair and she’s actually thrilled we got into the accident so I could ‘live the dream’ as odd as that sounds. One thing she loves is that, without walking or wearing ‘hard shoes’ my feet are always soft and supple – she’s a hardcore foot fetishist and foot worshipper, so she loves pampering my feet and loves how soft and ‘unused’ they are. She’ll give me pedicures and foot rubs and put soft socks and stockings on for me. If I wear shoes to work she’ll take them off as soon as I get home (assuming she’s still up) and rub my feet or put nice slippers on me. She’s into other disabilities, too – something that she came to terms with after we were together for a while. She really finds blind women sexy. The dark glasses, walking with the white cane, feeling their way through the world. It’s not my cup of tea, to be honest, but I do find it sexy playing blind girl for her sometimes. Being blind is very different from anything else I do and the lack of vision makes things kind of exciting and – sexually – very erotic.
Since she is so into my feet and knows I’m into disabilities, we started playing with me as an arm amputee – either above or below elbow - so I’d still be ‘disabled’ but could use my feet to play with her, use them to try to do things, etc… that has actually become one of the most erotic things we do together – I think because we both find it really erotic for ourselves and we’re not just doing it because our partner likes it, you know?

So it might sound like I have the perfect life for a pretender and wannabe, and in many ways it is, sure. I get to live 95% of my life in my wheelchair and the other 5% I get out of it by choice. But like everyone I think there are things that could still be better and if I had a magic wand and could just make wishes I’d probably make a few changes, sure…

First, I’d really be a para. I love being in my wheelchair, but I have so many fantasies about REALLY being para – my legs numb and lifeless and atrophied, pussy numb, the whole deal. It’s such a strong fantasy for me that just being in my chair sometimes isn’t enough. Sometimes I just want it to be completely real so if I wanted to get up out of this wheelchair, I couldn’t, my legs would just sit there dead and crippled.
Next, Heather would love to pretend or even want to become disabled. The only part of our relationship that I’m not completely thrilled with is that she simply will not pretend for me. Nothing – not crutches, not blind, not amputee, not even a sprained ankle. I get REALLY turned on by other disabled women so this is a drawback – but a MINOR one. In every other way she’s amazing and I lover her with all my heart, but if she’d pretend to be in a wheelchair for me it would be even better…
The last big thing would be money. I know I’ve complained about it before, but I am just broke all the time. I work a pretty dead end job, I’ve been doing it for years and still make less than $14 an hour. That basically pays for my car payment, insurance, and the rest goes to chip into the apartment, utilities, and some day we’d like to have a house together, or at least a condo. A condo seems appropriate for a lesbian couple who are both femme… Can’t really picture Heather swinging a hammer to fix the leaky roof, you know? So with lots more money, I think I’d buy braces, and a new wheelchair, and probably even a power wheelchair since Heather says it would look like I was on a throne…
I do still have a lot of fantasies about being helpless, and darker fantasies about being helpless and abused – something Heather just can’t get into. It’s understandable – not many people can get into that headspace, it’s just a place I like to go in my darker fantasies. But if I had that magic wand I’d probably do something about that – play out more of those fantasies somehow. We tried it once and, well, I guess it didn’t go exactly as I expected, for better or for worse, but believe it or not I still look back on it and get really wet…

So what’s next for me? I’m still writing and trying to put together a good book that people will buy. I have dreams of it becoming a runaway best seller in the devotee/pretender/wannabe market and making me tons of money, but realistically I might make enough for a few new toys, or maybe just get ahead on bills and put some cash into savings. Who knows. But I’ve got to get it done, which is why I haven’t posted much as of late. I’m writing up a storm but it’s all for the book, so I need to go over it again and again to make sure it’s great. Type-os and stuff in my blog are no big deal – it’s free, you get what you pay for. If I’m asking $10 or $15 for a book, I think people would expect it to be well written, properly edited, etc…

That’s all I’ve got for now, but people sending me questions and story ideas are REALLY helping me now, so if you want to make suggestions or ask questions or send me pornographic material, feel free! I love that stuff, I really do!!

Better to be Thin

So I've been reading a lot lately about various diet pills and even popular low calroie sweeteners like Aspartame, and how very, very bad they are for us, yet we - and by 'we' I do lump in most women - will still take them, try them, use them no matter what because let's face it, most women will do ANYTHING to be thinner and sexier... So I had this weird idea about 'how far would a woman go to be thin and beautiful' and then 'What if that trend caught on?' - well, the story below is what happens there...

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Better to be thin than.... By ParaCathy

It started right after the holidays with a massive ad-blitz campaign for ‘ReJoi’, an ‘herbal cream rub’ that reduced sub-dermal fat and cellulite the ‘natural and safe’ way. It was an instant smash hit - it flew off the shelves like bottled water in the Gobi desert and stores - even major chain retailers - could not keep it stocked. One reason for this was, unlike every other ‘acai berry’ fly by night quack remedy, ReJoi seemed to work - and work well - especailly around the hips, thighs, and stomach areas. It was like a miracle drug, and women all over the country were using it daily and seeing really impressive results.

In March the first reports started coming out, warnings about ‘rare side effects’ that included nerve de-sensitization in the areas the cream was used. There was not much coverage on these claims and ReJoi continued to be a nationwide best seller, with women singing it’s praises far and wide. In apparently unrelated news, the spring fashion circuit across the US featured bold new designs in boots, with many new thigh-high designs, most adorned with brightly colored plastic or metallic plates that made the boots look almost rigid...

Though Summer bikini season saw an unprecedented rise in web discussion praising ReJoi for helping literally millions of women get into the most slinky and revealing new swimsuit designs, it also saw very few people actually going to the beaches. Reasons given were varied, from the hotter than average heat waves to the unnaturally cool temperatures to fear of shark attack, but beach useage was confirmed by the national park services to be at an all time low for the months of July and August. In unrelated US fashion news, silver-tipped canes, in clear acrylic or gloss ebony black, were fast becoming the hottest fashion trends among women, along with multiple new lines of the ultra-trendy thigh-high boots.

As the heat of summer chilled to early fall, late September brought new warnings to ReJoi related to prolonged useage, but it was still selling millions of units a week to women who could not stop praising it’s almost miraculous abilities to melt away heavy thighs and wide calves, slim down bellys and eradicate love handles. The fall fashionistas, always on the cutting edge of new style, were sporting ultra-thin slacks and stockings, as well as an update to the ‘silver cane’ trend, using a pair of custom, designer canes in multiple fashion colors and styles that matched the trendy new boot styles and what was fast becoming known as the ‘Ginger Leg’ style movement. Several pop divas and one Hollywood starlet came out with their own branded ‘cane’ fashion accessories and were seen using them in public at major events. Their legs and thighs, it might be added, were gorgeously thin and tapered perfectly as they swung along with their canes...

Winter snows brought with them a white-hot controversy as multiple health organizations pressured the government to ban the sales of ReJoi due to the severe health risks it posed to women. Images were splashed across the television news and Internet of women and even teen girls laying in bed, their legs numb and useless due to prolonged use of ReJoi. IT was confirmed, by the revelation of hidden corporate documents, that there were, in fact, multiple known health risks from prolonged use of ReJoi, including partial or complete paralysis. The more the pictures flashed actoss the media, though, of those thin legs, slender hips, and flat and toned stomachs, ReJoi actually saw a significant spike in sales. Women from all walks of life spoke out an hearings and town hall meetings, on the radio and on TV, some of them confined to wheelchairs, others on crutches. All of them were unanimous in their pleas - DO NOT BAN ReJoi!! Side effects or not, it is a miracle drug, and women, above all else, want to be thin and beautiful!

Spring fashion week in LA was held not in it’s usual classic fashion theater, but in the larger - and completely wheelchair accessible - convention center downtown. The top designers made a huge splash with amazing size zero couture worn by amazingly thin and beautiful models, all sporting the latest designer trend - fabulous mobility enhancers, sleek wheeled chairs created by the top design houses and branded with things like Gucci and Dolce & Gabana. These were snapped up in record numbers by women all around the country who, of course, wanted to emulate the top fashion trends.

Ramps into buildings soon became a hot trend and no store, restaraunt or boutique owner would dare have even a single short step up into their establishment, for fear of community backlash by the internet savvy fashion bloggers and trendsetters. Workplaces and even public spaces soon followed suit, as the growing trend encouraged more and more fashion-conscious women to start using the fashionable and trendy ‘mobility enhancers’, which themselves soon because almost as big a business as ReJoi itself.

It’s summer now and the beaches - the ones that were carefully paved and made accessible to the fashion conscious, anyway - are full of beautiful, thin women, wheeling themselves about and laughing and splashing as they sit in the water. Happy, smiling families with mothers and even daughters sitting there in their fancy fashion chairs, pushed by loving husbands or boyfriends, applying suntan lotion - ReJoi brand, of course - to their thin and unfeeling legs.

And me? Well, since my car accident seven years ago, I guess I’ve been very ‘fashionable’ - a trend-setter, even, with my thin, lifeless paralyzed legs... Of course since ‘ReJoi’ things have gotten lots better. I can get easy wheelchair access pretty much wherever I need to go, the ‘Fashion Accessible’ parking is now almost completely prevalent, and I don’t need to ask ‘do you have a ramp’ before I go out to a restaurant. People don’t stare at me with pity as I wheel down the street - in fact I’m often complemented on my very fashionable accessories, like my custom sport wheelchair and my very thin and sexy legs. Guys love my legs now, and most women I meet are jealous of them. I can see them eying me and planning to slather on another bottle of ReJoi as soon as they get home, to make their legs just a LITTLE thinner...

And so I drive home, to my very large, very expensive home in the suburbs. Oh yes - I guess my life has taken another turn for the better, when you think about it. My advanced degree in chemistry finally paid off, you see, with this wonderful and highly effective formula for reducing sub-dermal fat and cellulite... It’s selling quite well, too...

Flash Fiction - First Time for Everything

First Time for Everything By ParaGirl

For Bobbi, because I cant' get this out of my head now....

I don't know why I answered the ad. It's not my thing, never has been - really. If you had told me a year ago - hell, even a month ago - that I would be doing this, I'd have laughed. No - I would have probably yelled at you and maybe even spat some expletives. Tonight though....

I'm a lesbian - always have been. Not some trucker dyke - not that there's anything wrong with them - but a real femme lesbian. Designer skirts and dresses, fancy shoes, long, full hair. And my wheelchair of course. I'm in a wheelchair for pleasure, I have a real fetish for being in a wheelchair and for women in wheelchairs. It's my 'thing' - some girls like boobs or legs or hair. I like wheelchairs. Girls in wheelchairs. I think it's sexy...

So I get to the hotel where we agreed to meet - a nice place with big rooms and a jacuzzi tub - and check in. Becca is already there, room 301. The cute redhead conceirge hands me a key card with a smile and directs me to the elevators. I smile back and wheel up to the wide metal doors and press the button. The doors open and I wheel inside, turning on the spot and pressing the 3 button. The doors slip shut silently and the elevator lurches upwards.

I look in the mirror that lines the elevator wall. I'm wearing a knockout black dress with subtle accents of silver. My bulky diaper is just visible through the soft silky material and my legs are clad in very expensive black stockings and ballet slippers on my feet. The slippers were a request by my Becca - I guess she has a thing for them. I was happy to oblige.

As the doors slid open I looked once more - my shoulder length auburn hair was full and lush, my makeup perfect, my eyes sparkling. I was still hesitant though, still unsure, my motivations clear yet... unclear at the same time.

Room 301 was the first door on the right and I slipped the electronic key card into the door slot and heard the soft click of the lock opening. I pushed the door open easily and wheeled into the large, fancy, well lit suite.

Becca was there, in her wheelchair, smiling at me - she also looked nervous, but excited as well. She looked to my feet immidiately and I saw the color raise in her cheeks. She was wearing a pretty knee length skirt and designer blouse, thigh high stockings, and red patent stilettos - my request to her.

"Hi, I'm Cathy." I said lamely, smiling at her. She was even more beautiful than in the pics she had sent me. Amazing. Her legs were obviously paralyzed for real and I knew they had been for over six years, a bad car accident. Her face was soft and sensual, her eyes big and pretty, staring at me deeply and, if I wasn't mistaken, longingly.

"I'm Becca.." she said with a nervous giggle. "I just wanted to say, I've never done this kind of thing...."

"I know, Becca - neither of us have, it's OK. Want a drink? We should loosen up a bit, I think..."

"Sure." Becca said, smiling again. "You really are pretty."

"Thanks, you're goregeous." I said honestly. "Your pics did you no justice."

"And am I...." she said nervously and spun side to side in her chair.

"Oh yes, your legs are lovely, just perfect." I grinned.

"Oh, and though I usually dont, this is for you." She said and lifted her skirt. I could see the bulky depends diaper poking between her legs. I moaned in spite of myself.

We opened a bottle of wine and chatted a little, but neithe rof us really said much. As the wine warmed me and I kept looking at Becca, at her wheelchair, her legs, I was getting more and more aroused. I could tell Becca was the same - she kept lookign at my feet in their satin ballet slippers - brand new ones, too, they'd never even touched the floor.

Finally I lifted one leg with both hands and made a show of plopping it limply in Becca's lap. She smiled and started playing with my ballet-slipper clad foot, and before either of us knew it, we were kissing each other deeply. Her lips were warm and soft, her hair smelled like strawberries and rain, and her hands roamed all over my body; my breasts, my shoulders, my neck, then lower to my thighs, my diaper. I moaned and my hands began exploring her body as well. Her breasts were exquisite and I soon had them out of the sexy bra she held them captive with. Her nipples were erect and she moaned as I rolled them between my fingers.

"I want you to be my naughty crippled girl." breathed Becca into my ear.

"I am baby, I am..."

"Show me, I want you to crawl to me, drag those limp little legs and crawl to me."

My heart was pounding in my chest as I wheeled to the other side of the room and slipped out of my chair, careful not to use my legs at all. I dragged myself slowly to her, making a good show of my struggle, dragging my 'useless' legs behind me, moaning as I crawled and slipping my dress off as I went. Becca was playign with her nipples and moanign as she watched me drag myself to her. I looked up at her, my eyes pleading, and she got the message instantly.

"Come on cripple, get over here to please me, drag those dead legs and get over here to me." she said with a voice full of lust. I felt my sex blaze hot - I loved the humiliation, being reminded that I was a helpless cripple.... and of course my heart was pounding at what I knew was coming next. I wasn't sure what to expect, I was nervous, but I was curious and very excited....

I reached Becca's wheelchair panting, wanting to rub my sex and relive some of the tension that had already built up, but I knew that wasn't going to be allowed yet. I crawled to Becca's feet and started kissing and licking her shoes. She let me, moaning as I worshipped her limp feet and sexy patent shoes.

"Higher, slut." She said to me and I obeyed instantly, caressing and kissing her soft, paralyzed legs. They felt divine, exquisite, so perfectly crippled, sexy beyond words. I moaned and kissed and caressed and dragged myself up to her knees. I looked at her, waiting for her to react, waiting for the next move. Becca looked a little hesitant, but then pulled off her skirt with a practiced twist, so she sat in stockings and a diaper in her wheelchair. I saw the atrophied line of her thighs, the utter lack of muscle tone I had always fantasized about.

"Take off my diaper, cripple." she said in a commanding but sultry voice. Was there a note of anxiety to it as well, though? I reached up, pulling the tabs at her sides, and opened the puffy white diaper, folding it down against her chair seat.

This is what I had come to see, this is where my fascination had led me. Between Becca's legs was a flaccid penis and trimmed mop of pubic hair. It wasn't as big a shock as it might have been if I hadn't been prepared, but after takign in the rest of Becca's exquisite - and apparently very female - body, it was still a little strange seeing a cock between her legs. She had, as she had told me, the sexiest female body money could buy... mostly.

"Touch it." She said - not a command, more a hesitant request.

I took it in my hands. It was warm, soft, it felt smooth. It was fascinating to me - I had never had much to do with them. It was, asI knew, as limp and crippled as her legs, but that just made it more interesting, more exciting. I rubbed it, stroked it, felt it pulse in my hands. I played with Becca's balls, rolled them in my fingers. I started getting into it. So did Becca.

"Oh god, yes, touch it, please, I want to see you playing with it..." she said. I complied happily, even eagerly, jerking off her limp cock, letting it flop onto the wheelchair seat, fondling her balls. Barely realizing what I was doing, I bent down and took the flacid dick into my mouth, sucking it and rolling it around with my tounge. It never went erect, never even tried to, but I heard Becca saying 'Oh god' softly as I gave her head. It was surreal and yet incredibly erotic and somehow I was really getting into it. I reached up and rubbed her breasts and it seemed perfectly normal and natural, to be playing with a woman's firm, perfect breasts while sucking on her flaccid, paralyzed cock.

"Stop now, slut." she said. I complied. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a black strap on dildo. This was unexpected, yet I found myself excited by it just the same. "Put this on me." she commanded, and I took the dildo in my hands with an excited reverence.

It was hollow inside, and I slipped her limp cock into it and fastened the straps securely around her hips. This was a scene I was much more familiar with - a hot girl with a strap-on cock - but I found that I almost missed the limp paralyzed dick it hid.

"Get onto the bed, cripple." Becca said in a shaky voice. I complied, crawling and dragging myself until I was hanging, legs off the bed, hips against the mattress. I felt her positioning herself and shifting my legs as I gripped the sheets, then felt her lube-soaked fingers enter my anus. Her limp legs came next, one on either side of me, now without the patent stilettos, her feet brushing limply against me, and then the dildo penetrated my ass and she was fucking me, pushing herself back and forwards in her wheelchair, her floppy legs bumping against me in an erotic rhythm as she fucked me and told me what a naughty, worthless crippled girl I was.

I came four or five times I lost count before she stopped. My ass throbbed and my sex was on fire as she wheeled back and removed the strap on, her flaccid dick flopping out, still unmoved by our erotic play. It made me even hotter knowing it never would.

"Get back in your wheelchair, cripple." She told me, eyes hopeful and full of anticipation. I dragged myself unsteadily back to my chair and lifted myself heavily into it. I wheeled back to her. She used her hands to spread her legs and then told me where and how to park. I complied.

She lifted both my feet - still dressed in the new satin ballet slippers - and I made every effort not to move a muscle, not to twitch. She caressed and kissed my feet, then started rubbing her cock with them, jerking of with my feet. I sat and moaned about how sexy it was, how hot it made me, and she kept going, more and more frantic. I wished that my legs were truly dead and limp for her, but the roleplay seemed to be working for her anyway. With a shutter and moan she peed onto my feet, a warm dribble that actually made me cum again in my chair. She dropped my feet and, without being asked, I reached down and started rubbing her cock again, feeling it, rubbing and caressing it, and she moaned more and sighed and smiled.

Blog - more about us....

So lots of people have contacted me and commented about my little 'adventure' last weekend and I've had some time to think about things, and Heather and I have talked a bunch.
So first off, she didn't hurt me - not physically or emotionally. Like I said in the the first post, she basically gave me what I had been asking for, what I had been fantasizing about, she gave me a taste of being disabled, helpless, and used as a sex toy. Like most fantasies, I now realize that thr reality of that situation is very very different from the idea of it. But it was still hours of erotic play and many multiple orgasms and, to be honest, after the fact I still think it was really pretty hot and sexy. It was extreme and a bit scary, yes, but it was overally a very hot and sexy situation.

Heather understands my need for disability and she's fine with it, and I understand her better as well. She doesnt' mind me being in a wheelchair at all and she really likes me being blind for her, and she loves me playing armless so I have to use my feet on her - did I mention she really loves my feet? So going forward we're going to stick with what we know and love - I'm still a full time wheelchair user and will occasionally play blind or armless for Heather - probably more often now that I know how much she really likes it. No more extreme scenarios and nothing that takes away my feet.

Other than that I'm writing more, I'm still working on putting an actual book of short stories together. I think people are going to really like it, I hope if it's on sale for only $10 or $12 a lot of people will buy it. I really get annoyed at the prices of some of the devotee erotica out there now - over $100 for a 15 minute video clip? picture sets that are $2 per picture? It's annoying.

Blog - Be careful what you wish for....

So I'm sure everyone at this point knows about my long term relationship with Heather. I'm a devotee/pretender/wheelchair fetishist with some pretty twisted ideas of sexuality, she is a foot worshiper who doesn't mind my disability fetish as long as she has plenty of access to my sexy feet.

What most people don't know is that I'm kind of a bitch and I often push the boundaries of our relationship to get my way. That means trying to get Heather to use my wheelchair (she doesn't like it) or getting her to humiliate me, change my diapers, not to mention my obsession with erotic chats and all my chat partners. That does bother her, but I still do it because there are certain things I need sexually that she's just not into giving me. I still lover her very, very much and she knows it, but sometimes I just need a little something more.

Enter this weekend. I was being my usual annoying self and trying to get her to make me a quad amputee based on my silly Facebook quiz. I wanted to spend a little time totally helpless, the idea was really turning me on, but Heather isn't that into it - again, she's into my feet, so anything including leg amputations just isn't her thing. Add to that the helplessness, feeding me, changing me, etc... - well, we've actually only done quad amputee once before, as a costume where I was Helena from Boxing Helena and Heather played Dr. Nick, Julian Sands' character.

Well Heather finally gave in yesterday. I could tell she was a little annoyed but I was getting my way so I didn't really care. So we went into the bedroom and I stripped naked and Heather started bandaging my arms up and putting beige 'stump socks' on them - actually converted opaque pantyhose. Next were my legs and she sucked on my toes a bit before bandaging my legs up and putting another pair of stump socks on my DAK stumps. I asked for my diaper in my cutesy sweet voice but she said no and seemed a little cold, so I asked what was wrong. She told me she had plans for me and a minute later I had a vibrating butt plug pressed into my bottom and she was rubbing my clit and she was fingering me. God it only took me maybe two minutes to cum and I cried out and wriggled on the bed moaning and bucking my hips as she kept fingering me.

Well ladies - and maybe men, I have no idea about you - you know when, after a good orgasm, you're kind of super-stimulated, where even the slightest touch can set you off and you feel all tingly and really almost ticklish? Well that's where I was, but Heather kept going. I tried to wriggle out of the way - being the only thing I could do as a quad amp that was suddenly feeling a lot more than 'pretend'. It was so sensative I just wanted to her stop, just wanted her to lay off for a minute so I could catch my breath, but she wouldn't. I told her it was too much and she smiled - she actually smiled - and then took one of my favorite vibrators, one of the 'rabbit' style with the little ears for clitoral stimulation, and started fucking me with that.

I just about screamed and tried to get out of the way, tried to stop her, but I wasn't going anywhere and she knew it, and soon I was having more orgasms and was just screaming and I think at this point possibly crying, I can't remember....

She left the rabbit vibrator in my pussy and rolled me over, then pulled the butt plug out. She put on her strap-on dildo and I felt it pushing slowly into my ass and then she was fucking me again as I lay there with my 'stumps' spread. It was a little awkward with my feet back there but she managed to pump my ass for I have no idea how long, the rabbit vibe still in my pussy making me feel very, very full. It was honestly starting to really hurt, but feeling really good at the same time, I came again and again. I think I counted eleven orgasms but I don't even remember where I stopped counting.

So this went on in various ways for around three, three and a half hours. She gave me a break in the middle and fed me water through a straw and some grapes (I love grapes) and part of it was spooning and cuddling me, but overall is was just non stop sex and I had nothing I could do about it. I ate her out like three times? I think three times, yeah, made her cum, but she just kept going at me.

So by the end I was a complete mess. I was crying hysterically and screaming for her to stop, to just please stop, but she wouldn't, and I was crying and still having orgasms, even though I hurt, my stomach ached and my legs ached and my shoulders ached and I was mad and miserable and so pissed at Heather I just couldn't stop having orgasms and every one made me scream and cry and it was just a complete mess.

So Heather finally finished with me and kissed me - I glared at her, pissed off, and she asked why I was mad, since she finally gave me the loss of control I had been fantasizing about. She undid my bandages and rubbed my legs and arms and did finally put a diaper on me (which I used immidiately and then changed myself later) and then we just lay in bed and talked for like an hour.

She was right, of course - she treated me exactly like I've fantasized about, all my crazy disabled rape fantasies and such, and it was awful, just awful, but at the same time it was incrediby erotic. Insanely hot. It's hard to get my head around it, I'm really confused even two days later. She didn't abuse me, of course, she didn't hit me or hurt me - well, not 'hurt' me in the traditional sense, though my abs and shoulders and hips are still sore and you don't even want to know how my pussy and ass feel even two days later. So I'm still really confused. I'm trying to look at it and feel turned on and part of me really does, but the reality of it all, it's just...

I don't know, I honestly don't know how I feel right now. Aside form feeling like I want to cry all over again, reliving it like this.

Blog - A disappointed Cathy...

So I finally talked Heather into letting me spend a little money on 'pretender porn', because I really wanted to see a video and pics from a new Premium Pretenders set, 'Fetish 10.1: Naomi as DAK bound by Melanie' - the YouTube sample I've been oogling for two weeks made it look kinky, fetishy, and sexy. Unfortunately, after purchasing said collection for around $20, the pictures are uninspired and just rehash the same scenes from the video, they don't add anything, and the video itself is basically the exact same thing as the Youtube 'preview' - it extends a few scenes but really there's no difference. Nothing more 'kinky' or extreme, just the same scenes from the preview but a little longer.
Maybe I was fooling myself but I kind of expected more. At least I was hoping they'd show Melanie crutching as an SAK, since at the end of the video she's inexplicably sitting there with a bound AK 'amputation' as Naomi wheels to the bed, but they never expand on that, she's just sitting there and Naomi is in a different outfit.
I guess that's the deal - anything out there of interest is either inexpensive and unsatisfying or hot but ridiculously priced. Now I have to make it seem like I absolutely LOVE this set or else she'll never let me buy anything else... not that I really want to...

BLOG - Aaaand.. They're gone...

Those amazing AFO braces I saw on eBay? SOLD! Someone must have done the 'Buy it Now' option - seemed like a good deal, coming with free crutches and all. Ah well - I couldn't have afforded them anyway. I guess I could hope and dream that Heather bought them for me in secret and will give them to me as a birthday present :)

Blog - I have never been so horny in my life...

I am so wet right now after seeing this Japanese video a friend sent me. A girl in a wheelchair, in public, and there's a dildo in the seat of the wheelchair that she's sitting on, as as she is wheeled around the dildo pumps up and down into her. I'm serious, I'm so hot right now I'm practically lightheaded.

Here's the Video

I want braces!!!!

I found this pair of AFO braces on Ebay tonight - they are PERFECT! They're specifically for brace and bondage fetish, and they're very sexy! They've actually got d-rings on the back of the braces so you can use them for bondage - I just imagine Heather locking my legs to my wheelchair so I can't get out of it. That's so SEXY!! I really love them!

So, any devotee out there want to buy me a pair of braces? Pretty please :)

Sexy wonderful braces!!! (I think you have to log into Ebay to see them, they're under the 'adult' section...)

Blog - so I'm going to try it...

Thanks to the fairly overwhelming response to my 'would you buy my book' question, I'm going to do it. OK, I'm going to TRY to do it. I'm starting today on an anthology of short stories dealing with all aspectsof the devotee, wannabe, and pretender community. I'll probably throw some recreational casting in there as well. I'm excited to give this a shot - maybe all my work over the years has been moving towards this goal.

So my first story, which I'm about 3 pages into, is called 'Paradise Found' and it's a futuristic tale set in a world where society is rebuilding itself after a terrible tragedy, and women who volunteer to help 'repopulate' the planet are rendered quadriplegic and then impregnated and cared for by society. It's a cool conceptand I like the characters so far. I think I'm really going to outdo myself for this book! I hope people are as excited as I am for it!

Question - would you buy my book?

If I were to self publish a novel-sized work of fiction - either single long form story or book of short stories, how many people would buy it? What's best - one long narrative or a book of shorter stories?

BLOG - New Story posted, but...

I published my newest story this morning, because I couldn't wait to share, but because I had actually written/finished it the other day and was just sitting on it, it's showing up earlier in the blog timeline, I'm not sure how to fix that. Anyway, my newest story, 'Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind' was just published, so I hope everyone likes it! It's a little different but I think it's fun.

Cathy

Blog - Another story ready to go

So I posted my newest story yesterday and then immediately started writing another crazy fun story which I just finished this morning. I think I'll wait a few days before posting it, though - don't want to flood the blog after the recent drought.

How do most people get my blog updates? How do you get other blog updates? Do you just check? Or maybe follow a twitter feed, or my yahoo profile? I'm just curious. Is there a way that would work better for people? Some kind of notification system? again, just curious.

I wanted to thank people for giving me ideas for stories - obviously it worked well :) Feel free to give me ideas any time, sometimes they really trigger my creative (and other ;) ) juices... so if you have ideas, if you have some fantasy or dream story, go ahead and drop me a line (Paracathy at hotmail) or comment here. Hope everyone enjoys what I've got coming up...

Story - Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind

Close Encounters of the Devotee Kind

Sarah was having the most horrible dream, terrifying visions of leering, gray faces and violently spinning purple and orange lights. She felt pain, though she was pretty sure somewhere in the back of her mind that she shouldn't have been able to, then she felt a deep cold sensation down her right leg. The rest of her night was spent in restless, uncomfortable sleep, and when her alarm clock buzzed aggressively she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Then, as the turned off her alarm and pulled off the sheets, she screamed.

"Miss Jones, I'm afraid we simply don't have any explanation. It's... it's like nothing we've ever seen. Your right leg has been expertly amputated, as you can obviously see, and it's completely healed. By all accounts and by every means of examination we have, your leg was amputated mid thigh at least a decade ago." the doctor said, obviously deeply confused.

"But it was there YESTERDAY!" Sarah said exasperated, like someone who had been saying the same thing over and over all day. She was sitting on an exam table, her left leg dangling out of her hospital gown, her right leg - well, her right stump - pressing flat into the padded exam table top. "I had two legs went I went to bed, I've been over this a hundred times today!" she said, openly crying again. She had indeed woken to find her right leg completely gone, just a smooth, round stump in it's place. She could feel it, move it, it didn't hurt at all, but the fact remained that her leg was gone without a trace. She had vague recollections of bad dreams, but in all the panic of awaking as an amputee, she didn't put much thought into her nightmares.

"I understand your concern." said the new doctor unconvincingly. What was he, the eight? Ninth? She had lost count. Some time after lunch she realized they weren't diagnosing anything any more, they were just curious. Nothing like it had ever been seen, completely new phenomena, totally astonishing, blah blah blah - there was an air of sarcasm to all of it, though, an underlying incredulity that made Sarah uncomfortable. "But right now there is no indication that things will get worse. Other than the, um..., unusual situation, you are in perfect health, so..."

"So what? You're sending me home?" she said, looking defeated.

"There's nothing more we can do here, Sarah." the doctor said with a resigned sigh. "There is simply nothing medically wrong with you - at least nothing any part of medical science has ever encountered before. Go home, get some rest, and call this number in the morning - It's the number of a local rehab center with a good outpatient program to help you adjust."

"Adjust??" Sarah said, not fully understanding.

"Yes, adjust to your, um... situation." he said again, his bedside manner completely undone by the bizarre situation. "I believe you indicated earlier that you were familiar with the use of crutches?"

"So that's it? Give the one legged girl a pair of crutches and send her home?" Sarah was trying not to cry again, she was tired of it and didn't want to give this guy the satisfaction. The doctor handed her a pair of ordinary aluminum underarm crutches and she grabbed hold of them, angry and annoyed and a little afraid. With a little effort she stood on her one remaining leg and got her balance, taking a few tentative steps around the room. She was clumsy and the crutches hurt her shoulders, but at least she was walking and not being pushed in a wheelchair. She ushered the doctor out of the room and then slowly got dressed.

She crutched out of the room, the leg of her slacks folded crudely around her stump, and signed all the paperwork necessary for release, painfully aware of all the eyes tracking her every move. She was frightened and annoyed and tired and wanted nothing more than just getting back home. Thankfully the hospital provided a shuttle back to her condo and, after the most disturbing, frightening, and bizarre day of her whole life, she crutched into her living room and plopped heavily onto the couch, letting her crutches clatter to the floor. Her good leg ached, her shoulders ached, and she had no idea what she was going to do now that she was an amputee. She looked at the number to the outpatient rehab center and resolved to call it in the morning. She turned on the TV, watching something stupid that she couldn't pay attention to, and soon the stress of the day finally overcame her and she fell into a deep sleep.

The dreams again. The leering faces, the pain, the cool sensations, the flashing lights. She tossed and turned and finally cried out, waking herself and rolling off the couch, unbalanced because of her missing leg. She threw her hands out to catch herself and saw her right arm - or what remained of it, just another smooth, round stump that ended between her elbow and shoulder. She hit the floor with a thud and cried out, more from shock than actual pain.

"Sarah, we would like to formally apologize." said the very official looking man in the very expensive suit. Certainly not a doctor, possibly an administrator of some kind. Maybe a lawyer. "In short, we found your story yesterday so completely implausible that we honestly thought you were a psychiatric patient. The number you were given yesterday as you were discharged was to a psychiatric hotline, not a rehab center." the man looked very red, very nervous.

"So all that time yesterday, you never believed me? Not a single person?" she said angrily. She lay semi-reclined in bed, her arm stump waving animatedly as she shouted.

"Please, see it from our point of view, Sarah." the man said. "What has happened to you, well, it's simply not possible!"

"And yet here I am!" she said, staring at him and holding up her new stump.

"Please take my word, and the promise of the entire staff of this hospital, that we are doing everything we can to understand this situation and ensure that is doesn't happen again."

"Ha!" she shouted, her eyes puffy with tears. "You have no idea what's going on, how can you say you can stop it?"

"You will be staying here, in a private room in the hospital, and there are teams from the CDC and bio-toxins lab at your condo testing everything they can. We'll find the issue, and until you do, you should be safe here."

"I don't feel safe anywhere..." Sarah said, rubbing her arm stump with her slender left hand.

"Hi, I'm Olivia." said the young nurses' aid as she entered Sarah's room with a tray of food. Sarah had to admit it smelled great and she was starving after a day of the most extreme and intensive medical tests she had ever experienced.

"Hi Olivia." Sarah said quietly, trying to force a weak smile. "What's that?"

"Dinner - don't look at it that way, it's not hospital food. I went out and got a nice dinner from a place down the street - marinated grilled chicken, vegetables - it should be good." she smiled and set up Sarah's tray and raised her bed a little so Sarah was sitting up more.

"Thanks, Olivia." said Sarah and grabbed the fork from the tray. She looked down at the knife and the grilled chicken breasts and started to cry.

"It's OK Sarah, I can help." Olivia said, quickly grabbing the knife and fork and cutting Sarah's food into bite sized pieces. "Don't you worry about a thing, I can help you take care of whatever you need. You're my only patient tonight." she smiled warmly.

Sarah ate slowly, not really speaking. Halfway through dinner she looked up at Olivia. "I have to..." she said, a note of urgency in her voice.

"To what, Sarah?" Olivia asked, getting to her feet.

Sarah looked at her, a cross between panicked and embarrassed, and Olivia understood. "You want the bedpan or try for the toilet?" she asked.

"Toilet, I can make it." Sarah said, and Olivia helped her into a rolling attendant chair and pushed her into the bathroom, then helped her onto the toilet and looked away discretely as Sarah urinated, then helped her get cleaned up. to her credit, Sarah didn't cry when Olivia had to help her wipe.

Once Sarah was back in bed and had finished dinner, Olivia turned on the TV.

"Stay and watch with me?" Sarah asked, more fear and desperation in her voice than she expected.

"Sure." Olivia said cheerfully. "Like I said - you're my only patient tonight."

The two watched TV until close to midnight and Olivia finally fell asleep in the reclining chair by Sarah's bed. Sarah, too, finally succumbed to sleep, though she continued to fight it until after 1am according to the big round clock on the wall. She fell asleep, her left hand holding the stump of her right arm, and hoped that she wouldn't have those terrible bad dreams again.

The dreams came, though, and Sarah was terrified, she was confused. The same dreams, the insane leering faces, the bizarre sensations, the lights. There were voices in this one, too, something Sarah could barely make out. The sensations and sounds and fears all rolled and swirled together until Sarah finally awoke, gasping. In the half light of the private room she could see that Olivia was still sitting near the bed, tossing and thrashing and moaning in her sleep.

"Olivia!" she called out in little more than a whisper. She swallowed, then took a deep breath and called out more loudly. "Olivia! Wake up!" she said.

Olivia's eyes popped open with a start and she looked around the room as if she had momentarily forgotten where she was. "Oh, Sarah, I'm sorry, I must have dozed off. I had the most bizarre dream..." she said, still groggy and wiping sleep from her eyes.

"Olivia, look at me." Sarah said in the most calm voice she could manage. "I want you to stay calm, OK?"

Olivia looked at Sarah curiously, then froze, as if something was suddenly dawning on her. She looked down, following Sarah's gaze to her legs - or what had been her legs, anyway. Her long, athletic legs were now short, underdeveloped, lifeless, and totally numb.

"Sarah..." she said, her breath coming quickly, panic starting to set in. "Sarah, I can't feel my legs!" Olivia cried, staring down at her now crippled, paralyzed legs.

"Me either Olivia." Sarah said, pulling off her sheets. Both legs ended in round stumps between knee and hip, her left arm now her only remaining limb. "Maybe we can get matching wheelchairs...."

There was an insane rush around the hospital as soon as Sarah and Olivia's conditions were discovered. According to hallway surveillance both women had never left the room and nobody had gotten in, the door remained shut the whole time. There was no explanation for the situation and everyone in the hospital was completely baffled.

"How are you feeling?" Sarah asked Olivia as they wheeled her back into the room they now shared. Olivia's eyes were red from recent crying.

"I'm paralyzed completely from T2 down. And it looks as if..."

"As if you've been paralyzed for years." Sarah said, completely understanding.

"As if I've been paralyzed since birth..." Olivia corrected bitterly.

Sarah watched as Olivia struggled to transfer out of her hospital wheelchair onto the bed beside her, dragging her small, crippled legs with her. Her feet were curled and ankles turned in and her legs lacked all muscle tone. It really looked like she had been in a wheelchair all her life. Sarah could see the bulky hospital diaper under her hospital gown and her cheeks went pink, embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed." Olivia said with a sigh, seeing her reaction. "Last night I helped you use the toilet. Ironically, tonight I can't use it any more..." she said, patting the diaper. "But this isn't our fault, it's just something crazy, insane that happened..."

"That is happening." Sarah corrected.

"You think?" Olivia asked, looking at her wide-eyed.

"It's been three nights in a row for me, why wouldn't I?" she said. "Maybe you should sleep in a different room Olivia." Olivia shook her head.

"No, I figure we're in this together now. If they're coming back for you, chances are they'll want me too."

Sarah reached out her one remaining hand and Olivia took hold of it, grasping it firmly.

"Besides." Olivia continued, lifting one of her limp legs and shifting it on the bed. "We've got to try and stay awake all night and see what happens."

The two women sat in the hospital bed together, eating and watching TV and chatting as if they had known each other forever. They were both being monitored via a tangle of wires, and there was a closed circuit TV camera watching them both. Sarah needed a lot of help to get simple things done with only one arm and no legs, but even paralyzed Olivia was a big help. Sarah helped Olivia with a couple diaper changes as well, not feeling at all embarrassed by it any more. It was surprising and bizarre how quickly they both seemed to be adjusting to disabled life - though in the confines of a fully staffed hospital Sarah was certain things were not nearly as complicated as they would be back home.

One AM rolled around with the women still awake and chatting. Then 1:30, 1:45, 1:55 and both women were wide awake, watching television and talking animatedly. Olivia was giving Sara a stump massage that felt really wonderful, and both women were giggling about calling it a 'foot massage'. At 1:58am exactly, however, both women dropped to the bed and fell into a deep and immediate sleep.

The dreams were more terrifying than ever, and Sarah realized that in some way, she was actually awake and experiencing everything for real, not in a typical dream state. She felt the cold gripping sensation on her left arm and then knew immediately that her last remaining limb was gone. She looked around frantically and saw more swirling colors, bizarre otherworldly faces, but she couldn't make anything out clearly, it was like she was on some very strong hallucinogenic drug trip.

Sarah woke with a gasp and the lights were already coming on. It was still 1:58am according to the hospital clock, but it seemed like the dream 'attack' had taken hours. A doctor and two nurses rushed into the room and started checking things - a cold stethoscope was pressed to Sarah's breast. Olivia was still thrashing a bit and Sarah reached for her, but realized immediately that her left arm was, as she had experienced in the dream, amputated at the same level as her right arm. She was a quadruple amputee, helpless.

One of the nurses shook Olivia awake and she cried out. "Sarah!" she said, arms groping around. "Sarah, I can't see!" she said, panicked. "Where are you??"

"I'm here Olivia." Sarah said. "I'm right here, the doctor is here too."

"I can't find you Sarah, take my hand." she said, her voice still panicky.

"I can't Olivia, I don't have any arms now." Sarah said. "And it looks like your eyes are gone, sweety." she said, not wishing to belabor the point. Olivia's hands went to her eyes, then pulled away when they felt the hollow, empty eyelids.

The cameras caught nothing but three and a half seconds of static. The multiple vital signs monitors were level and flat until that static hit, then both women's vital signs jumped up as if they were terrified. That was all the evidence that was collected, aside from the fact that Sarah's left arm was amputated and Olivia's eyes were both surgically removed.

In their hospital room, they sat in wheelchairs, across from each other at a square table their breakfast was spread out on. Eggs, bacon, coffee, waffles. It all smelled great, but neither woman had much appetite. Sarah was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts someone had found for her, her stumps exposed. Olivia was in small sweatpants and fuzzy socks covering her crippled legs and feet, though her bulky diaper was obvious under it. she wore sunglasses, too - at her own insistence. Both women were being fed by orderlies who seemed more than a little uncomfortable being there - it was obvious everyone in the hospital knew what had happened, or had at least heard something bizarre. Olivia turned her head to where she imagined Sarah was sitting.

"So, what's next?" She said.

Sarah stared at her and started to reply...

STORY - Blind Girl's Bluff...

blind Girls' Bluff - By Paracathy

Lisa took a deep breath, sat on the edge of the bed, and blinked twice. Her hands were shaking. She stared at the unlabeled bottle of clear fluid that sat on her bedside table and reached out her hand to take it, then retracted it. She breathed in again and grabbed the bottle, squirting the clear fluid into both eyes, flooding them completely before she could rethink her decision. She dropped the bottle as the cool, stinging sensation hit both her eyes simultaneously, working from the front to the back, until it felt like the coolness was behind her eyes, just above her cheekbones and sinuses.
Lisa closed her eyes, lay down on the bed, and cried until she fell asleep.

Morning came via a chiming alarm clock as Lisa immediately realized the bright morning sun streaming through her bedroom window was a thing of the past. Her world was totally, utterly black. Beyond black, really, something impossible for Lisa to describe, even to herself. She had a dull, throbbing headache at her temples and felt dizzy, unsteady as she lay in her soft bed. She knew the headache was a side effect of the drugs, but the dizziness she wasn't sure about. She sat up carefully and was immediately disoriented, feeling almost nauseous as she sat upright. She lay back down, her breathing shallow, almost panicked. She thought she knew what to expect, thought she understood what being blind would be like, but this was very different from walking around the house with a blindfold on, very different from tapping around the living room wearing dark sunglasses and a broomstick handle cane.

It was the only way, it was all going to be worth it. That was Lisa's mantra, and she repeated it over and over again as she lay in bed and tried to become accustomed to the situation, tried to calm her mind and come to terms with...

Blindness. Not 'her situation' she told herself. Blindness. Complete, irreversible blindness, incurable after one hour of contact with the drugs. The alarm went off after seven hours, give or take. That meant that not only was she completely blind, but all traces of the drug would also be flushed from her system.

That thought led to another - Lisa had to pee, and she needed to do it soon. In her blind state, the other messages sent by her body were coming through loud and clear now. She felt her way to the edge of the bed and swung her feet off, slipping to the floor to stand. It felt for an instant like she was free-falling from some great height and she gasped, then her feet touched the floor and she steadied herself. How far to the bathroom? She stood, still feeling slightly dizzy, and held her hands out in front of her, waving them as if she were feeling her way across the room. After three steps she stubbed her toe hard against something and found herself disoriented, her big toe throbbing.

Her need to pee was becoming urgent and she realized that finding her way to her bathroom was going to be more difficult than she had imagined. Deciding that pride was the least of her needs now, Lisa crouched slowly, carefully to the ground and then began to feel her way across the floor of her room, finding the wall, then slowly making it to the door, then the hallway.

It took her ten minutes, but she made her way to the toilet and sat, feeling amazing relief as she urinated. She cleaned herself, groped blindly for the flush handle, then felt her way to the sink. She washed her hands and splashed water on her face - it felt amazing and incredibly refreshing, she noted - and then felt her way slowly, deliberately to the living room. She felt her way to the door, found the deadbolt, and un-locked it. She then crawled to the couch, sat, and picked up the phone.

"This is 911 what is the nature of your emergency?" the cool woman's voice said over the phone. Lisa tried to build up as much fear and panic as she could before she replied - she found it wasn't nearly as difficult as she had thought.

"I just woke up and, I'm not sure what's going on, but I can't see. I think I'm blind..." she said with a panting edge of terror.

"OK ma'am, try to stay calm. How old are you?" the voice asked, all business as she immediately understood the seriousness of the call.

"I'm 22." Lisa said. "Born August 11th."

"And what is your address, ma'am?" the 911 operator asked,

Lisa gave her address and stayed on the phone, switching between nervous chatter and quiet sobbing, until she heard a knock on the door.

"Paramedics, did someone call 911?" asked the deep bass voice from outside the apartment.

"In here." Lisa called and she heard the door open, heard heavy footsteps on the hardwood floors.

"Can you tell me what happened, Miss?" the deep bass voice said from somewhere very close. She had rehearsed this part very thoroughly, over and over again.

"I'm not sure." she said, unevenly. "I went to bed early last night with a headache, it was throbbing, but I figured it was just stress. I took a couple Tylenol and went to bed. I woke up to my alarm this morning and..." at this, she started to cry and started feeling around in front of her, slightly panicky. she felt a strong, warm hand take her.

"It's OK, let's just check a few things." the deep voice said. "I'm going to be touching you - it may feel disorienting, but I need to examine you. Please don't be afraid, OK?"

Lisa nodded, then felt the warm hands on her face, felt them open her right eye wide, then her left. Heard clicking and scratching noises she couldn't place. All the while, she heard and felt so much, but saw nothing. Not a flicker, not a shadow - the blindness was complete and total.

"Miss, to your knowledge have you been exposed to any type of cemical or gas?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" Lisa said, trying to sound convincing. This was the key, if she got this right, it would all be worthwhile.

"Have you been exposed to anything unusual in the last seven days, like a cleaner or air freshener or other chemical?"

"Well, there was plan spraying at my office on Thursday, I think - yes, Thursday."

"Not just someone watering the plants?" the deep voice asked.

"No." Lisa shook her head. It made her feel dizzy. "We do all the watering ourselves. This was fertilizer or something. The guy had a green and yellow uniform, I remember that." she said, then suddenly started crying and sobbing loudly. "Oh god, I can barely remember what yellow and green look like... oh god what's happening to me?" she asked. She felt a comforting hand holding hers.

"Calm down miss, try to calm down. There's no indication this is permanent, it could be a simple allergic reaction."

Lisa knew he was lying - by this time her eyes had turned a milky white and it would have been obvious to anyone that the damage was irreversible, but Lisa played along.

"Really? It might... might not be permanent?" she asked, still sobbing quietly.

"We wont' know until we get you to the hospital, miss. We're going to help you onto a stretcher - it's just a precaution, OK?"

Lisa nodded and let two sets of strong, confident hands move her onto the stretcher and strap her down across her legs and chest, as an added precaution.

The ride to the hospital was a world of new sensations, from the feeling of the bumps in the road to the sounds of the radio chatter. the deep voiced paramedic, whose name was Rob, kept talking to her, trying to keep her calm, telling her not to think the worst. Lisa noticed that nobody else was talking, though.

Lisa had been in the emergency room, listening to a cacophony of sounds - beeping monitors, crying children, moaning patients, chattering nurses and doctors, but she was quickly moved to a private room. Nurses drew blood carefully, talking to Lisa all the time, making sure she knew what was happening the whole time, explaining each step they were taking. Lisa noted that they seemed almost rehearsed at the situation, as if people suddenly stricken blind happened often. That was good, that was very good.

"I'm Dr. Stafford." came a light, feminine voice. "I'm going to be examining you, OK?"

"Yes, I understand." Lisa said, turning her head in the direction of the voice. "Can you tell me what's happened? Why can't I see?" she said nervously, like someone who didn't want to hear the answer.

Lisa heard the woman's shoes squeak subtly across the floor and hear the distinct moan of a desk chair being sat in beside her.

"Lisa, I have to be honest with you. It looks like you have been exposed to a chemical agent that, in a small percentage of people, has been shown to cause blindness."

Lisa gasped as the doctor continued.

"The chemical is found in a brand of spray-able plant fertilizer. We have confirmed that it was the fertilizer that was being used in your office building up until Friday."

"Well..." Lisa stammered a bit. "What do we do now? Is there a pill or something?"

"Lisa." the doctor was very serious and clinical, yet Lisa could hear the compassion in her voice clearly. Lisa felt the woman take her hand and hold it between hers. "Lisa, I'm afraid that the damage is permanent. Irreversible."

Lisa was silent, her heart thumping fast - she hoped it came across as panic, not excitement. When she didn't say anything, the doctor continued.

"We will enroll you in an occupational rehab center tonight. IT's a very good program, and in a few months -"

"A few months?" Lisa said with genuine surprise. She hadn't counted on months of rehab.

"Yes Lisa, after a few months you'll be able to live on your own, get back to your life, things will get mostly back to normal."

"Mostly?" Lisa asked.

"Well, I won't lie to you Lisa - being blind is not something you're likely to just 'get used to'. Living with a disability can be a daily challenge, but you can still live a healthy and fulfilling life."

Lisa just sat, she could feel tears streaming down her face as she contemplated the rest of her life, blind, feeling her way around, fumbling and tripping over herself. Was it really worth it? It had to be, she told herself. It just had to be.

The rehab center was nice- well, it sounded nice, anyway, and it was warm. Lisa was led to an office where she recited a lot of her general information - allergies, next of kin, occupation. Lisa noticed with interest, however, that they never asked her about her insurance. Again, she thought to herself, this was a very good thing.

Next a nurse led her to a room, Lisa holding onto the woman's elbow and slowly putting one foot in front of the other, always feeling disoriented, like she was going to fall with each progressive step.

"I won't let you fall, honey." the nurse said warmly.

"Shouldn't I have a cane or something?" Lisa asked. She didn't know if it was rude or stupid, but it was the first thing that came to her mind.

"Maybe tomorrow or the next day - that will be your first lesson. Until you understand how to use it, though, you'd likely just hurt yourself or someone else, waving it around like you're looking for a pinata. Trust me - this is a good program. You'll be out on your own in no time."

"If you say so." Lisa said, following the woman's confident lead.

"so what are you in for?" Came a loud, high-pitched, feminine voice as they entered Lisa's new room. Lisa jumped.

"Rebecca, you know you have to keep your voice down." the nurse said. "Sorry Lisa, I didn't realize Becky would be home."

"Hi." Lisa said to nobody in particular. "I'm Lisa. And, as you can probably tell, I'm blind.."

"No way I could really know that, Lisa." Came Rebecca's voice, the volume greatly diminished. "As I think we're in the same club here. Woke up Friday completely blind. Plant spray, or so they tell me."

"Same here." said Lisa, allowing herself to be seated on a plush bed. "Got hit Thursday at work, apparently."

"Hey, Nurse Donna, how about you sit her over here so we're not yelling across the room at each other?"

"Would that be OK, Lisa?" the nurse asked.

"Sure, I think I'd appreciate the company." Lisa said truthfully. This was fast becoming overwhelming and Lisa needed whatever kind of connections she could make before she broke down again. The nurse helped her over to what felt like a sofa or loveseat and sat her next to Becky.

"Scary, huh?" Becky said as they both heard the nurse leave the room, her crepe soles making smaller and smaller squeaking noises as she walked down the hallway.

"Yeah." Lisa said truthfully. "You go to bed able to see and..."

"In your sleep, wow. That's got to be rough. Still - it happened to me at work, middle of the afternoon. Started with a bad headache, splashed some water on my face. Eyes were all red. That's the last thing I remember seeing - my red, bloodshot eyes. Twenty minutes later I was in an ambulance, screaming in panic I'm ashamed to say. Now, my eyes are milky white - or so they tell me. Yours too, I'd bet."

"I... I didn't..." Lisa said. She hadn't really thought about what had happened to her eyes. It didn't really matter, of course - but in a way it did.

"It's OK Lisa." said Becky, and Lisa felt Becky's warm hand rest on her thigh. It pulled back quickly. "Sorry." Becky said, a note of embarrassment in her voice.

"Don't be." said Lisa. "Seems touch is one of the few things we've got left."

"Yeah, I guess so." said Becky. "Hey, do you mind if..."

"What?" Lisa asked.

"If I looked at your face. I mean, with my hands..."

"Sure, I guess so." Lisa said, turning towards Becky's voice. She fely Becky's hands begin to touch her, feeling her arm, then her stomach, then up to her breasts, neck, until they found her face. She found the sensation oddly comforting, even exciting. Becky's hands touched her face gently, tracing the curve of her cheeks, the smooth line of her chin, her soft eyebrows, her closed eyelids, the gentle slope of her nose, her soft, moist lips.

"You're very pretty." Becky said. Her voice was closer than Lisa expected. Becky's hands were caressing, comforting... sensual....

Lisa felt her way up Becky's thigh, to her stomach, over the swell of her breasts. She felt Becky's erect nipple through her thin shirt. Felt her smooth neck, felt the muscles contract in a nervous swallow, then moved up to her face.

It felt narrow, slightly angular, with high, soft cheeks and wide eyes. Her lips seemed thin, soft, and Lisa could feel her cheeks contract upwards in a smile.

"Like what you see?" Becky said softly, and then without warning they were kissing, touching each others' faces, then lower, with growing urgency. Lisa felt Becky's warm tongue probing her mouth and she did the same, tasting this stranger that she would never actually see...

Becky pulled away suddenly, startling Lisa. "I'm sorry, I was..." Lisa started to stammer as she felt Becky get off the couch, heard soft footfalls across the room, heard the door squeak slowly shut, heard the click of the lock on the door. She felt Becky take her hand and she stood there, letting Becky's hands trace the lines of her body until, before long, her clothes had dropped to the floor. She felt Becky and willed her shaking hands to do the same, finding every clasp, button and buckle and undoing it until all she could feel of her roommate was warm, soft, bare skin. They felt there way to the plush bed and, without speaking, explored every inch of each others' naked bodies, taking in every sensation, 'seeing' with their fingertips, gasping, kissing, licking....

The nurses said nothing when they came in the next morning and found Becky and Lisa in the same bed, naked and covered with disheveled blankets. They helped the two women get dressed and led them to their rehab classes. The first half of the day was just listening to long, tedious discussions about what 'being blind' meant. Even though she obviously couldn't see her, Lisa knew Becky was there, sitting near her. There were others in the room too - three others. An older woman, a younger girl, high school student, and a man who had worked for a greenhouse - all had been exposed to the same chemical. Ironically, Lisa thought to herself, she was the only person in the room whose blindness wasn't caused by the plant food. Of course nobody could ever know that....

They began to relearn basic, simple tasks in the afternoon - identifying household objects, eating and drinking (much more difficult than Lisa ever imagined) and, finally, cane work. Lisa had imagined that once she held her white cane in her hands and began tapping around, it would magically make her condition more manageable. In reality, it just gave her one more thing to try and think about as she blindly walked around an unfamiliar space. She got constant encouragement from her coaches, and she heard Becky getting the same from a short distance away. Finally, after what seemed like a number of hours, they broke for dinner.

"OK gang, let's use what we learned at dinner. Everyone's place settings will be set up the same way we practiced, and the coaches will be around to help if needed, but you're encouraged to try it on your own." said one of the coaches - or possibly a nurse, Lisa wasn't sure. She followed the voices guiding the class out of the room and into the hallway, gently yet deliberately tapping her cane side to side until she found the edge where the wall met the floor. The tapping sounds in the hallway slowly became a gentle, sliding noise as all five blind students started following the wall as instructed.

"Becky?" Lisa said quietly, and Becky's reply came from just behind her.

"Right here Lisa." she said.

"Dinner?" Lisa asked, and she could almost hear the smile that came with her positive response.

"I'd love to." she said, and both women made their way to the caffeteria and sat at the same table. They ate in relative silence - focusing on where their food was and how to get it into their mouths took more concentration than Lisa had every expected, but they both wound up finishing their meals without needing help from the aides. Not everyone was so lucky, from the sound of it - in the middle of dinner someone, Lisa thought likely the high school girl - dropped something and then broke down, crying and sobbing. She was helped out of the room and dinner continued even more silently, if that was possible.

Half way back to their room, Lisa following Becky and looking forward to more 'training' once they were alone, Lisa heard her name being called.

"Lisa, you have a phone call dear." said one of the front desk women. Lisa followed her, allowing herself to be led by the arm more than using her cane, and took the phone as it was placed in her hand.

"Lisa? Lisa is that you?" came the panicked voice.

"Samantha, hi cousin, how's it going?" Lisa said, trying to sound nonchalant. She had expected this, of course, but it didn't make it any easier.

"That big case my boss is working on, that one I told you about on Thursday? Your name just popped up on it, along with a few others. What's going on??"

"Well, yeah, I guess... I guess that the company doing our plant spraying was using the same chemical. I guess they hadn't gotten the memo that it was dangerous." Lisa said, her voice cracking a little. "And you know all the plants in the lobby where I work... "

"So you're...." came Samantha's reply.

"As a bat." replied Lisa. She realized she was crying again. "So, how's that case going? got a court date yet?"

"No need." Samantha said quietly, realization dawning on her.

"How much?" Lisa asked, dropping all pretense.

"At least ten million." Samantha said.

"Each?" Lisa said. Her heart leapt.

"Each. At least." Samantha said.

"I'll buy you something nice." Lisa said. Samantha said something unintelligible and hung up.

Lisa tapped her way back to her room, asking one of the nurses' aides for help, and as soon as she got in she closed the door and locked it behind her.

"What's up babe? Everything OK?" Becky said. Lisa slipped off her shirt and bra and felt her way over to Becky.

"Yeah babe, everything is just fine." she said into Becky's ear. "We've got some celebrating to do tonight."

"What are we celebrating, the invention of braille?" Becky asked sarcastically, her hands caressing Lisa's breasts.

"No. We're celebrating my flunking out of law school two months ago..." Lisa said, smiling wide and running her sensitive fingers through Becky's hair.